Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Class: Nightsoil Priest

It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it (woah-oh-oh-woah)

Modern society, as we all know, is built upon the Merde Grande, and the Nightsoil Priests of Cloacina (shitwizards, in the vulgate) keep it all running smoothly. They rarely emerge into the light of day but when they do they are given a wide berths out of both respect and to avoid the smell. The school is an anomaly among wizards, being the devotees of one of the gods of man: other wizards, of course, no better than to bring the matter up, lest something happen to their drains.

(This was all snipped right out of Skerples' playbook, who snipped it out of Arnold's playbook, and now we're here.)

From Rust, art by Paul Bradley. Just put wizard hats on 'em.

School: Nightsoil Priest

Perk: You start with heavy gloves, hip waders, a token of Cloacina, and a face mask that filters out poisonous fumes.

Drawback: You've spent so much time wading through other people's shit for anyone else to be comfortable with that.


1: You can spritz a cloud of pleasing coverup scent - lemon, sandalwood, or fairy meadow.

2: You instinctively know how to navigate sewer systems without getting lost.

3:You can identify the origin of spoor without fail.

Spell List:

Honey Pot
R: 30’ T: Area D: Indefinite
Cleans the area of blood, feces, ooze, slime, grime, gristle, gunk, rust, dust, detritus and effluvia, storing it in an enchanted jar or other sealed container. This container can store [dice] uses of this spell before it can be used no further. The jar can be thrown as a grenade, doing [dice]d6 damage and spraying its contents everywhere.

Cleaning House
R: Sight T: [dice] persons D: Instant
The target is cured of disease, but must succeed on a CON or Poison save. On failure they will be cured by violent expulsion and take a -2 penalty to all checks until the next morning.

Unblock the Path
R: Touch T: Material D: 1 hour ÷ [sum]
A material obstruction is removed from a path, passage, or doorway. This takes 1 hour ÷ [sum] and dispersing the matter makes significant noise. The obstruction is not un-made, but is broken down and diffused enough to permit passage.

R: 10’ square T: Plants within AOE D: Indefinite
Plants within the effected area grow at an unnatural rate. Crops mature in minutes, trees grow gigantic, plant-based creatures gain [dice] HD.

R: Touch T: Piece of cloth D: [dice] hours
When held over the mouth, the affected material provides immunity to airborne toxins.

Rites of Cleansing
R: Touch T: Person D: [dice] charges
Target gains advantage on saves against poison, possession, and disease.

Drain Snake
R: N/A T: Rope D: [dice] x5 minutes
Conjures an animated rope of [sum] x10 feet. 50% chance of being a tapeworm. It can follow simple commands.


R: ½ mile T: Self D: 1 hour
Target can find a lost item within the sewers with [dice]-in-6 odds. Requires another item owned by the same person to work.

Magic Missile 
R: 200' T: Creature D: 0
Target takes [sum] + [dice] damage, no save. The bolt is a foaming stream of bright blueish-white.

R: Touch T: Object D: 0
Toxins and infectious agents are violently removed from the object.  

Cloud of Fumes 
R: [dice] x 25' T: Area D: 5 minutes
A cloud of noxious, toxic gas spews out from the caster. All who breath the fumes must make a save vs poison or take [sum] damage and have their maximum HP reduced by the same amount.
Tired of Your Shit
R: 40' T: Creature D: [dice] turns
Target is wracked with unbearable intestinal pain for [dice] turns and is unable to act. If [sum] > 16, the damage will be permanent, and they lose 4 points of CON.

  1. Spell dice only return on 1-2 for 24 hours.
  2. Take 1d6 damage.
  3. Become cripplingly claustrophobic for 24 hours.
  4. Blinded for 1d6 rounds
  5. All spare inventory slots are filled will malodorous effluvium, perishables ruined.
  6. Uncontrollable vomiting for 1d6 rounds

  1. You become deathly ill for 24 hours, able to do little more than expel horrible fluids from every orifice.
  2. As above, for 3 days. You require double the amount of water or will take 1 point of permanent CON damage per day.
  3. You have died of dysentery. 
This doom can be avoided by sleeping for a full night within a grand donjon's heart, or by drinking from a pure ancestral ooze.


  1. The first of 6 classes I have on the burner. It was mostly done already, so hey.

  2. Replies
    1. They're mostly a reprint of the list I had made previously. The classes to come will be getting into new territory.

  3. These are great- I particularly like Gas Mask- I can imagine a party enchanting a massive sheet with it, everyone wrapping it around their head to get through a poisonous gas cloud.

    The only one I feel a bit unsure about is Unblock the Path, because it doesn't explain how obstructions are cleared so it's hard to understand the limitations of the spell.

    1. Good point! I've added a clarification on that.