Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Dan's Notebook of Unfinished Wonders, vol 2

The time has come, the walrus said, to dump unused ideas. Here's the second installment of the Notebook of Unfinished Wonders (see here for vol 1) wherein I exorcise all the dust bunny ideas taking up pagespace and mindshare. Following the list are some more developed things (or at least, enough that they need more than one sentence)

List of Minor Ideas

  1. Earthquakes drive away the undead, as they disrupt the earth-current those creatures leech from. Religiously, they are deliverance through destruction.
  2. The first churches on the island were built in long-quiet lava tubes, sanctuaries fortified against the dangers of the outside world.
  3. Time travel works, but only on the scale of millions of years. It is terribly inaccurate, and return beacons are insanely valuable to that end.
  4. The Red Priesthood of Quantum Bullshit
  5. Scout ships run on isolated time travel loops, returning to their origin point with tens of thousands of years worth of accumulated data.
  6. A people: tall, white-skinned, with thin vertical black stripes.
  7. Elves are physically immortal, but not mentally. They will eventually go mad, undergo brain-death, and then be reborn as (mental) infants.
  8. Elves control magically-fertile territory in the midst of apocalyptic wasteland under the control of the Emerald Emperor. Humans as third-class citizens.
  9. Class: Vessel Knight - Container of a mystic essence.
  10. Class: Hellmerchant - Sells people afterlife insurance in the great Oversouls.
  11. Class: Warframe Operator - Frames have 4 powers mapped to GLOG spell-like abilities.
  12. Kobold Alternatives
    1. Lamprey Lackeys
    2. Gecko Guys
    3. Cursed Fetus
    4. Gremlins Who Want to Die 
    5. Scab-Lads
  13. "I went up the river in a rusty canoe / what do you think I saw? / All manner of wriggling creeping things / freed up by the thaw."
  14. Jungian archetypes converted to character archetypes, law / chaos alignment variants.
  15. Character attributes based on the ancient Egyptian soul
    1. khat (physical body)
    2. k / ka (vital essence)
    3. jb / ib (heart; emotion, thought, will)
    4. b / ba  (personality, character)
    5. swt (shadow; secrets and hidden things)
    6. rn /ren (name)
    7. hw (intelligence and wisdom)
  16. Mechanic: orc-as disease, half-orc as infection
  17. Wizarding graduation regalia - highly symbolic, easy identification of specialization.
  18. The Alliance of 9 Worlds, formed 2192/2487
  19. The Dolorous Guard (Bill Norman, the Doorman)
  20. The mad Train-God, chaos lord, carving paths of hideous portent along ley lines.
  21. Moth-men worship the sun, but cannot stand its gaze. they look west at dawn before retreating to their caves.
  22. They came to worship the great and ancient beasts frozen in amber there...
  23. Goddess with blue skin, cloud hair, rust lips
  24. Vampires are anaerobic transhumans, used as the vanguard of colonization attempts.
  25. Meeting of posthuman seedship-derived species on a neutral space station.
  26. A sort of otherspace in the Pacific, fantastic islands impossible to reach through mundane navigation.
  27. As above, but in a warm, inland sea in the center of Antarctica.
  28. Asymmetrical long-war gives rise to elaborate and strict codes of conduct & courtesy.
  29. Typical grey saucer-aliens arrive after WW2, give human beings superpowers, it's actually a ploy to aid in their reproductive cycle.
  30. Grimdark low-magic little ice age euro-fantasy gives way to warm, colorful new age under the emergence of new gods. PCs were in stasis while the change occurred (Medusa is probable)
  31. White cloaks, black faces. Masks?
  32. "Will cast spells for food" - wizarding job market collapsed.
  33. What's In the Black Sarcophagus Dug Up From Underneath Corpathium / Vornheim / the Yellow City, etc?
    1. Actual literal Alexander the Pretty Okay
    2. Flamboyant, impossibly ripped vampire
    3. Oozing, billowing, tarry smoke cloud, animated
    4. Three skeletons and red goo 
    5. Legendary monkey-king
    6. Barnacle-encrusted skeleton with a sword (cursed)
    7. Mummified giraffe with no bones
    8. Dodecacephalon, hibernating
    9. A strairway down
    10. ???
  34. Ocean world, tidally locked, city in eye of perpetual dayside hyper-cane
  35. Mandragora - man-dragon - mandrake
  36. LG = constructive, CG = corrective, LE = exploitative, CE = destructive
  37. Cursed fiddles won from devils
    1. The Golden Standard
    2. A curled black horn, stinks of brimstone
    3. Ragged chunk of blood-red rock
    4. Rotten wood, quills and hairs
    5. Bruised flesh, dripping viscera
    6. Jagged, salt-crusted ice
  38. Stained glass creatures
  39. Yugchuth - a monster?
  40. Race: The Gogal
  41. Atwa - like a sphinx with a red face.
  42. Shroedinger's Box - "It is not a cat."
  43. "Succubus" - grey skin, folds like a shar-pei. Needle teeth, mother-of-pearl gums and tongues. Crown of thumb-sized horns. Young chew their way out of the parent.
  44. The Mississippi Line - monoliths raised along the river between 2000 and 2019, to defend against the dangers of the West.
  45. Ghosts: condensed, suspended in a medium, smoked as an intoxicant.
  46. Palad: a god - bleeds from mouth, hands, feet. speaks with a halo of word-symbols.
  47. A wild god: a gigantic winged centipede with pale placid human faces. 
  48. Belen's Folly - city built upon crashed von-neumann probe.
  49. Tyrants and autocrats love developing their own strain of orcs.
  50. Rations
    1. Brick of dried octopus
    2. Cave-lichen slurry
    3. Ooze jellycubes
    4. Soulcake
    5. Salamander jerky
    6. Pungon-pig
  51. Minor Creatures
    1. Hearth axolotls
    2. Eel axolotls
    3. 9-Life Chinchilla
    4. Sky Manta
    5. Angel Hair
    6. Priest-Strangler
    7. Penny Dreadful
    8. Kaiser Roller
    9. Tigerpenguin
    10. Spiderhino
    11. Tinglecreep
    12. Insomnia Imp
  52. Skeleton Zen Philosophy
  53. War-cult trying to keep their god satisfied and distant by their conquest, begin each battle with chanted pleas for forgiveness.
  54. Race: sealed iron casks, carried around by eunuch servitors
  55. Race: Small clay men filled with birds
  56. Race: Spiral trees growing out of the stomachs of quadruped slaves/
  57. Race: Tiny ceramic-shelled things, oozy and red inside.
  58. Pixies are little proxy bodies of a central bulb.
  59. Joan of Arc, on Barsoom.
  60. Goliaths are meat-suits built by halfling fleshcrafters out of the corpse of the god of war, who died because he was a fucking idiot and didn't realize that being the god of war did not mean he was the god of winning.
  61. Orcs are to humans as humans are to firbolgs. There is a gradient to disassociation with the world. Humans had a serpent, orcs have something worse.  
  62. Elves will make up the ranks of the Horsemen when the end of the world is nigh. They also speak the language of Chaos from NIER. They do not have souls.
  63. Dwarves speak Persian / Babylonian / Akkadian
  64. Orcs all have flowery descriptive titles and everything is double meanings and euphemisms.
  65. Places the Unnamed Monk has heard of that exist: the Kingdom of Prester John, Oz, Wonderland, the Nightlands, the Dreamlands, the Antipodes, Liliput, Brobdingnag, Laputa, Balnibarbi, Luggnagg, Glubbdubdrib, the land of the Houyhnhnms, Barsoom, and Tormance.

The Capitalism Monster

As adult or older dragon. Cannot fly, cannot move without great effort. Long sinuous neck, head like a bug-eyed reptilian vulture. Excessive corpulence provides protection instead of scales. Wallows in pool of knee-to-waist deep effluvia. Can bite at a distance due to neck, can claw and those close by, breath weapon shit-slurry containing the half-digested remains of artists and laborers. They gather weak-willed minions to their payroll by the horde.

Eats treasure and corpses. You get XP and schlorb when you feed it. Schlorb can...
  • be used as money (inflation means it's only taken by the gallon)
  • be used as food (barely nourishing, tastes just unpleasant enough that you'll swallow it)
  • restore health (not as effective as medical care or rest)
  • be used as a source of light and heat (burns dirty and inefficiently)
Schlorb is thick, oily, adipose-yellow in color, and mildly carcinogenic.

Items that would be used instead of schlorb  are rare to the point of treasure in regions where Capitalism Monsters have taken root.

Class: Atavist Druid

The savage men of the woods.

Gains 1 spell die per HD of animal sacrificed or dose of natural hallucinogenic consumed. Can hold max charges equal to WIS, but can only invoke up to level (max 4) per spell.

Perk: Advantage to resist disease.
Drawback: Must eat raw meat

  1. Speak with birds - Little dinosaur bastards...
  2. Excessive Fertility - Effective on plants and animals.
  3. Third Eye Open - Can see invisible objects, glyphs and wards, ghosts and spirits.
  4. Chakra Cleansing - Purge negative mental / spiritual effects, sans curses
  5. Seeking Knife - An enchanted knife will seek to break off in an enemy's heart.
  6. Eater of the Dead - Gain memories of recently deceased.
  7. Growth in Death - Grow a magical tree from a corpse.
  8. Summon the Unseen - Calls forth bacterial flora.
  9. Red in Tooth - You may bite as a sword.
  10. Destroy Lesser Laws - Destroys books and symbols
  11. Animal Shapechange - All it needs is the skin.
  12. Spirit Walk - Step your soul out of your meditating body.

Class: Sin Eater

Practitioner of the old and ancient school of maluphagy.

As cleric.
  • Seal of Confession - loses powers if any statement made or sin confessed is revealed to another party. Powers may be regained with appropriate appeal.
  • Heard it All Before - Familiar with a broad scope of the horrible, shocking, and deviant.
  • Cold Iron Stomach - You are immune to negative magical effects in your food.
Spell charges are gained through a symbolic meal. One hour of hearing confessions will provide 1d4 charges. May safely store charges equal to WIS. Can cast safely as many times equal to level per day, save vs magic for each further casting.

I don't have a spell list for this one.  Use whatever you like. I recommend Diabolism from Wonder & Wickedness.

Spell Failures
  1. Stored sins now count as encumbering items until next dawn.
  2. Burn all charges, summon a demon of equal HD.
  3. Start oozing hot, sticky, flammable tar.
  4. Crippling heart and stomach pains.
  5. Stunned by the immense wickedness of man.
  6. All that consumed bad karma hits you until the next dawn.
  7. Gain a horrifying, demonic countenance for a day.
  8. Terrible shakes, drop all items.

Found in the Great Abyss

  • Thermal Vents
  • Trenches
  • Whalefalls
  • Atlantis
  • Volcanic Ridges
  • Ghost Coral
  • False Suns
  • Lost Rivers
  • Red Worms
  • Hags
  • Trilobites
  • Bone Kings
  • Anglerfish
  • Light Shepherds
  • Benthic Sirens
  • Deep Ones 

Monk Stances

Treated as combinations of weapons and armor, take up equal encumbrance spots (treating this as Knave). Stance-specific special moves treated as additional spell. New stances must be discovered. Stances may use STR, DEX, or WIS as primary bonus.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Gods of Man, Great Powers, Blessings

Stephanie Chan

The gods are created by man. This is a plain truth of the world, acknowledged by all. Their nature is human, their domains are the domains of humanity, they are inextricably linked to the hopes/fears/longings/beings of man.

There is no god of the sea, but there are a thousand gods of sailors.  Domains overlap, shift, are endlessly subdivided and rejoined. Time wears on; the gods change as man changes, but man is also shaped by the gods.

The Church, in common parlance, refers to the casual confederacy of religious traditions among most gods, barring the Lords of Hell and some fringe deities who do not play nice with others. You are all brothers and sisters, after all - even if you hate their guts, they're still family.

The domains listed below are not exhaustive in the slightest. Major gods can be guaranteed have regional variants in name, appearance, and domain. The primary divine family listed consists on those most widely agreed upon - certain traditions extend the children of Ama and Baba beyond the agreed-upon six. They will be marked with a (*) on the table.

The Gods of Man

Ama Adimatha, Mother of Multitudes

  • Mothers, wives, childbirth, fertility, protection, trickery

Baba Tubalkhan, All-Father

  • Craft, labor, patience, wise council, protection, fair judgement

DOG, the Greatest Friend

  • Loyalty, love, friendship, being a dog

Do-yo-da-no, the Twins

  • Emesh Diyu - Herding, hunting, fishing, tobacco smoking
  • Enten Daetgah - Farming, brewing, building, metallurgy

Nike, the Elder Sister

  • Achievement, athletics, sport, competition, sportsmanship

Calliope, the Younger Sister

  • Poetry, art, music, melodrama, theater, emotional highs and lows

The Stillborn

  • Loss, grief, mourning, mortality, empathy to the suffering of others   

Quisest, the Strangeling

  • The marginal, the stranger, the hidden, change, deviance

1) Abeona (*)Exploration, travel, leaving and returning home
2) AhuiateteoExcess, pleasure, gluttony, drunkenness
3) Aisling (*)Artists, dreams, inspiration, madness, imagination
4) AnachroniaBeing too late or too early; out of place and time
5) AnansiStorytelling trickster
6) AtzaliniStorytelling, friendship, hosts and cooks
7) Aza-ThothLibraries, secrets, hidden knowledge
8) AzadCraftmaster of the Néandr
9) Baron SamediGraves, smoking, drinking, obscenity
10) BluebeardThe killer you know, gory secrets
11) BokkaHumility, acceptance
12) BramblejohnPaths untaken, places returning to nature
13) BrendanSailors, whalers
14) Browning & ColtFirearms, gunpowder, explosives
15) BrukkitIdiot bravery, the dunning-kruger effect
16) CalibanMadness, eccentricity, rages, passions
17) Ceo-Coo-ExeInvestors, advertisers, marketers; Lord of Hell
18) Chain-BreakerEmancipation
19) CloacinaSewer systems, hygiene
20) CoprolaliaLies, libel, brags, smears, shit-talking
21) Crab-CrusherPaleolithic food-gatherer; context forgotten
22) CrocanaLazy afternoons; recreation, fishing
23) CthonJourneys into unknown places
24) DadaNonsense
25) Darvatius IConquest, empire, oppression; Lord of Hell
26) DhurumEndurance, laconism, straightforwardness
27) DordDensity, stupidity, being slow on the uptake
28) Double-TongueHypocrisy, liars, cheats, grifters
29) Dustfoot (*)Poverty, rock bottom, beggars, hobos, cripples
30) DyeuzTyrant-kings, rapists, abusive fathers
31) EbonikilCross-cultural exchange (food and art)
32) EkwensuBargains, trade, trickery
33) GaneshaThe placer and remover of obstacles
34) GordianosPuzzles, brute force solutions
35) Goth-AmokRebellion, catharsis, chaotic noise
36) GuanyinMercy, compassion
37) HachimanAgriculture, warfare; conscripted soldiers
38) Hain (*)Rhetoric, logic, scholarship, natural science
39) Hammu-Amun (*)Law, order, the written word, kings
40) HasturShepherds, the Lake of Hali, the city Carcosa
41) HestiaHospitality, hearth and home
42) Hi'iakaGolden Goddess of Pa'O Pa'O
43) HoteiGregariousness, good cheer, abundance
44) IndahontenTeachers, mentors, bookmakers, writers
45) JabimBroken things, repaired things
46) JanusBeginnings, doorways, endings
47) KentMundane life, ordinary folk, small acts of kindness
48) Know-NothingMalignant ignorance
49) Limpang-TungMirth, melodies, minstrels
50) LlaroDrums, pipes, song-writers, bards
51) Lu BanBuilders, carpenters, construction workers
52) MammonGreed, gold, coin, corruption; Lord of Hell
53) MaraAttachment, passion
54) Maya DiogenesCynics, swordmasters, noodle-makers
55) MenhitMindless violence; "she who massacres"
56) MithrasMystery-cult
57) Mmou-ShaubSlothfulness, restful sleep, patience
58) Moloch'Who Rapes the World"; Great Lord of Hell
59) MungDeath, silence, secret signs
60) NeirnnenThe socially inept and ostracized
61) NodounForgetting the needed; remembering the trivial
62) OannesEsoteric wisdom; kinship with Deep Folk
63) Old Jim BrookHard times, necessity and invention
64) Old ScratchCorruption, temptation, cutting bad deals
65) OnanVictims of disproportionate punishment
66) Orang-UtanApe-god
67) OxomocoAstronomy, calendars, study of the stars
68) OxossiHunting, contemplation, meals, crafts
69) Pan-PongoApe-god
70) Papa LegbaCrossroads, communication
71) Phobos & DeimosFear and terror
72) PikanpeExuberance, free-spirits, excitement, expectation
73) Postmaster FennicMail and the postal service
74) Pyrrhus Gradivus (*)Soldiers, veterans, scars of mind and body
75) PythagorasMathematics, triangles, sacred geometry
76) Red-CapAnarchy, tearing down the powerful
77) RokeshSwift and decisive victory, forward with speed
78) SapphoHomosexual women
79) Shi Yang (*)Pirates, sailors, prostitutes, fishermen, trade
80) Ta'xet & TiaViolent death, peaceful death
81) Temazcalteci Steam baths, doctors
82) Temu SchannSecrets we cannot utter, dark places in the heart
83) The Forge BaronIndustry, enslavement; Lord of Hell
84) The Sable MaidProtection of the weak
85) The Tolling, TicitokThe measuring and loss of time
86) The WormWar unending; Lord of Hell
87) TlazolteotlFilth and purification, usually sexual
88) Tūmatauenga Hunting, fishing, cultivation, war, cooking
89) TurusPrisoners of mind and body
90) Uastyrdzhi Monster-slaying, traveling, oath-keeping
91) VellamoFishermen of the lakes and rivers; water travel
92) VennJournalists, muckrackers, activists
93) Whiskey JackBartenders, alcoholics
94) XochipiliHomosexual men
95) YamaDeath, justice, moral ethics
96) YhewenVengeance, war, jealousy
97) ZangobatNecromancers, gravediggers, bonesetters
98) Zanni (*)Fools, comedy truth, nostalgia, fernweh
99) ZorkoIneffectual, comedic villainy

Great Powers Among the Folk

These are those whose names are known far and wide.
  • Akerbeltz - The Black Billy Goat. Consorts with witches, gives questionable advice.
  • Ao Akupara Zaratan - The Great Turtle, has lived in this form longer than anything else.
  • Bast - Queen of All Cats
  • Br'er Rabbit - Trickster in the East.
  • Cernunnos - The Horned One, the Wild Man, the Big-Foot
  • Coyote - Trickster in the West.
  • The Four Goblin Kings - Masters of music and dance, missing now and foretold to return.
  • The Four High Courts of the Álfar.
  • La Fata Turchina - Blue-haired collector of puppets. Fascinated by the art of parentage.
  • La Fée Verte - Intoxicating muse of wormwood and anise.
  • Mab - The Midwife of Dreams. 
  • The Mountain King - King of the Dwarves, host of the great Feasting Hall.
  • Mundo - Magnificent Mundo, silky bastard!
  • Orca - Lady Leviathan, Queen of the Northern Seas
  • Pan - The Black Goat, bringer and embodiment of chaos and madness
  • Pangur Bán - The White Cat, the lurker in libraries.
  • Pele - Flying Fire, Queen of the Burning Mountain
  • Raven - Trickster in the North, creator, thief of the sun, an old friend of Mother.
  • Rainbow Serpent - Shaper of the world, bringer of the rains.


Making an appropriate offering at the shrine of a god or fulfilling their rites will grant a bonus until sunset for rolls within their domain. For general OSR games, just use Bless. Use a Boon if it's Shadow of the Demon Lord.

Shrines can be found just about anywhere (dungeons will be loaded with them) and you could raise your own without much trouble (especially if you have a priest).

Friday, September 14, 2018

The Magnus Archives Post

A while ago I purchased Emmy Allen's Esoteric Enterprises, and that is as good an excuse as any to finally do this big post on the Magnus Archives that I've been meaning to do.

(For those who haven't heard me rave about it yet, The Magnus Archives is a horror serial podcast that I will give a double gold star recommendation to anyone and everyone even remotely interested in that sort of thing. It's remained engaging for well over a hundred episodes, the metaplot is rock-solid, there's a planned ending - by those metrics it's top percentile in that genre before you even start listening. Go check it out.)

I'll be doing this post in two parts: the first will be a big table of creepy things from the series that you can plug in to your games whenever you need a bit of creep. Part 2 will be after the break and contain some spoilers about the series' connective tissue, and how that can be used as building blocks in games.

50 Entries from the Archives

  1. "There is a wasps' nest in my attic..."
  2. A cheap wooden coffin, chained and padlocked. 'Do Not Open' is scratched into the lid.
  3. The man upstairs is hammering away at the walls, and the smell is getting worse.
  4. A woman in a red dress wanders the suburbs at night with a syringe full of worms.
  5. Exorcist-turned-cannibal, serving a double life sentence. Declined the interview.
  6. Grifter's Bone, the band so bad they need to sneak into shows.
  7. There is something at the foot of the bed.
  8. A pale man in an alleyway, asking for a cigarette. He bobs a foot off the ground.
  9. Homeless man trades in heroin for vampire-hunting.
  10. Two sisters gone missing in Lost Johns' Cave.
  11. Need something delivered, taken or broke? Call the two Cockney fellas at Breekon & Hope.
  12. "As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there."
  13. "Enjoy sky blue" the old man said, as he threw himself from the plane.
  14. A plaque on the calliope organ: "Be still, for there is strange music."
  15. Mr. Pitch has come to take us all away to Ny-Ålesund. It's been 300 years' wait.
  16. 41 hearts in a garden shed, all a-glowing blue.
  17. Death remains a fan of games.  
  18. Billboard advertisement: "Sleep is overrated."
  19. Some of the men hear a distant piping. They climb over the trench and never return. 
  20. The crew of the Tundra has not changed in 10 years, all the cargo's rusted in place.
  21. Ivy Meadows Care Home has burnt down, and that is for the best. They'd taken ill, you see...
  22. Those tunnels had always been underneath the place, no one noticed them until now.
  23. The tiger isn't finished yet.
  24. The lights keep going out, the taps keep running brackish.
  25. There's a house on Hilltop Road, it pulls you in and reels you back.
  26. Hot item of the hour: a Carthaginian gorilla skin
  27. Spiders pour out of the wound.
  28. "Come meat, by my guest, and let thy gifts to me be blessed."
  29. Raising the spirits of the dead to commit bank fraud.
  30. The mummy plunges the knife into its own chest.
  31. Seventeen hours of UshankasDespair.exe
  32. There's a pit in the middle of town, they walk down into it.
  33. An old copy of The Boneturner's Tale, from the library of Jurgen Leitner.
  34. She orders a coffee every day, but never seems to drink it.
  35. Private Amherst is such a restless man, let not the gangrene stop him.
  36. DIG down, DIG down...
  37. A pile of Bibles, a pile of tea cups, a pile of severed fingers.
  38. An old man who knows just enough to be wrong.
  39. Mr. Spider loves guests, but only when they are polite.
  40. The police have killed five vampires in the last nine years.
  41. Everyone dumps their trash on old Maggie's property. Go deliver some food to her, will you?
  42. Self-immolation, in front of her own girlfriend.
  43. When threatened with death, give them a job instead.
  44. The mold 'round the drain can't be scrubbed away.
  45. A cave stacked deep with the corpses of soldiers.
  46. Black sand pours from his mouth.
  47. Eventually, they buried the monstrous pig in concrete.
  48. The Mechanical Turk drove a sword into the chessboard, and then began to dance.
  49. A pot that steals from the world.
  50. Privately-funded space-isolation experiment.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Super Smash Classics!

Everyone is here!
I recently discovered (and then ran a session of) Judge James' Disney Crawl Classics. I loved the idea of backgrounds-as-characters, so here's my take on it, which conveniently fulfills a secondary purpose of fulfilling a lot of accumulated "what if X was in Smash".

All those indie games ported to the Switch really helped matters.

A Challenger Approaches!Trained WeaponTrade Good
1) MarioHammer (d6)Weird Mushroom
2) Donkey KongFist (d8)Bongos
3) LinkSword (d8)Glider
4) SamusCharge Shot (d6)Grapple Beam
5) YoshiEgg (d4)Annoying Baby
6) KirbyInhale (I)Strawberry Cake
7) FoxBlaster (d6)Reflector
8) PikachuThunderbolt (d6)Lucha Mask
9) LuigiVacuum Cleaner (II)Captured Ghost
10) NessBaseball Bat (d6)Yo-yo
11) Captain FalconFalcon Punch (d6)Racing trophy
12) JigglypuffMicrophone (d3)Permanent Marker
13) PeachUmbrella (d4)Basket of Radishes
14) BowserClaw (d8)Snazzy Tuxedo
15) Ice ClimbersMallet (d6)Comfy Parka
16) SheikThrowing Needles (d4)Smoke Bomb x3
17) ZeldaLight Arrows (d8)Shekiah Slate
18) Dr. MarioScalpel (d4)Bottle of Pills
19) PichuShock (d4)Stylish Goggles
20) FalcoBlaster (d6)Injured Pride
21) MarthRapier (d6)Wedding Dress
22) Young LinkShortsword (d6)Ocarina
23) GanondorfSword (d10)Horse
24) MewtwoPsychic Crush (d6)Dark Pokeball
25) RoySword (d8)Spare Bandana
26) Mr. Game & WatchHammer (d6)Juggling Balls
27) Meta KnightBarbed Sword (d8)Shadowy Cloak
28) PitBow (d6)Eggplant
29) Zero Suit SamusStunner (III)Hi-Jump Boots
30) WarioPipe (d6)Bag of Garlic
31) SnakeSilenced Pistol (d8)Cardboard Box
32) IkeGreatsword (d10)Tattered Cape
33) Pokemon TrainerThe Team (IV)Rare Candy
34) Diddy KongPeanut Popgun (d6)Jump-Pack x3
35) LucasPK Spark (d6)Snake Whip
36) SonicSpindash (d4)Chili Dog
37) King DededeGreathammer (d10)Waddle-dee x3
38) OlimarPikmin (V)Whistle
39) LucarioAura Punch (d6)Focus Sash
40) R.O.B.Laser Eye (d8)Hover Jets
41) Toon LinkShortsword (d6)Chu Jelly
42) WolfClaw (d4)Scouter
43) VillagerAxe (d6)Butterfly Net
44) Mega ManMega Buster (d4)Energy Tank
45) Wii Fit TrainerYoga (d6)Granola & Yogurt
46) RosalinaWand (d4)Luma follower
49) Little MacBoxing Gloves (d6)Water Bottle
50) GreninjaAqua Jet (d6)Mystic Water
51) Mii FighterGeneric Weapon (d6)Strange Face
52) PalutenaStaff (d4)Mirrored Shield
53) PAC-MANFist (d3)Power Pill x1
54) RobinSword (d8)Book of Magic Lore
55) ShulkMonado (d10)She-Hulk Comic
56) Bowser JrBomb (d10)Propeller Chair
57) Duck Hunt DogBite (d6)Brace of ducks
58) RyuFists (d8)Duffel Bag
59) CloudBuster Sword (d10)Pretty Dress
60) CorrinSword (d8)Fire Paper
61) BayonettaPSR&T (d8)Lollipop Stash
62) InklingSplatgun (d6)Paintbucket
63) RidleyClaw (d10)Metroid in a Jar
64) Simon BelmontWhip (d6)Holy Water
65) King K. RoolCannon (d10)Stolen Bananas
66) Dixie KongElectric Guitar (d6)Glider Ponytail
67) Shovel KnightShovel (d8)Fishing Rod
68) SolaireLightning Spear (d8)Estus Flask
69) BlobespierreTwin Daggers (d4)Spider Rune
70) The KnightNail (d6)Dreamnail
71) ReynauldGreatsword (d10)Battle Standard
72) Wonder RedUnite Hand (d8)Unsold Game Disks
73) GuzmaFist (d3)Sunglasses
74) Monster HunterInsect Glaive (d8)Nullberry
75) Travis TouchdownBeam Katana (d8)Body Pillow
76) TerraRapier (d6)Ether Potion
77) NekuAttack Pin (d4)Fashionable Outfit
78) CadenceShovel (d8)Heavy Gloves
79) IsaacKitchen Knife (d4)Guppy's Corpse
80) LinkleCrossbow (d6)Golden Butterfly
81) ImpaGiant Sword (d10)Silk Rope 50'
82) The KidHammer (d8)Bull Brandy
83) AmaterasuSolar Disk (d8)Fertile Feet
84) IsabelleAccount Book (d3)Pot of Coffee
85) MidnaShadow Hand (d6)Cool Helmet
86) ChronoSword (d8)Hair Gel
87) ShanoaSpear (d8)Back Tattoo
88) Chun-LiMighty Thews (d8)INTERPOL Badge
89) TingleSack of Rupees (d3)Balloon
90) UrbosaScimitar (d8)Thunder Helmet
91) Prince SidonTrident (d8)Fish Stew
92) Dark SamusPhazon Blast (d10)Ingling Servant
93) RookAxe (d6)Token from Odd
94) H'aanitBow (d6)Snow Leopard
95) Captain ToadShroom Cutter (d3)Headlamp
96) Rabbid PeachBlaster (d6)Smart Phone
97) Shield KnightShield (d6, +1 AC)Cursed Amulet
98) AshleyWand (d4)Creepy Stuffed Bear
99) Doom SlayerShotgun (d12)Action Figure
100) WaluigiTennis Racket (d4)Mustache Wax

(I)Successful attack roll gains you the target's weapon.
(II) No damage, but can immobilize an enemy smaller than you.
(III) Target must make FORT save or be stunned for a turn. Always does 1 damage.
(IV) Squirtle (d6), Ivysaur (d6), and Charizard (d8) - one out at a time, takes turn to switch.
(V) Damage die is randomly selected per attack. d4 (1-3) d6 (4-6) d8 (7-9) d10 (10)

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Play Report: I Come From the Land of the Ice and Snow (Danscape ep. 3)

Previously, on the Danscape: A cult is joined and a war is inadvertently accelerated.

Tonight's episode stars the original crew from the Kadesh Club:
  • Waterblossom, eladrin magelander nee organ farm escapee (Michael K)
  • Blake, a face-stealing traveler and former gigolo (FM Geist)
  • Gavel, a traveler who just oozes everywhere. (Martin O)
With Waterblossom returned from the cult retreat house (head full of mindworm knowledge) and Gavel and Blake returning from the mother of all drug benders (heads full of drugs and drug accessories), the trio of the Divided Survival Power return once again to Lady Sidris' station.

Outside, the Aboleth has been raising dead and disrupting travel all throughout this corner of the cosmos. It seems dead-set on attacking and destroying old mindworm facilities and stations - a lucky break for everyone else, at least those not mind-slaved and zombified in its war effort.

From this chaos Blake receives a message from Salamander Lady. She has made quantum leaps up the social structure in the fashion world and has been utilizing her newfound wealth in philanthropic charity efforts to aid those fleeing the aboleth's warpath. As part of this, she has a task for the trio: retrieve a mindworm weapon from the old war, tucked away on a frozen shithole of a planet.

To aid the group, she provides the group with survival supplies and a cloning chamber for the ship. After some discussion they decide to clone Gavel's spell tumor and head off towards the Devoured Planet (because I just got Frostbitten and Mutilated and wanted to try it out.) Their target is an ancient tower of mindworm make.

What follows is a terrible trek up a frozen river, across wind-blasted icy hellscape. Gavel plays the world's worst game of I-Spy. Further incidents as follows.
1. Blake steals the severed head of an alien goat off the desecrated statue of an ancient king. He tries talking to it multiple times throughout the adventure.

2. An island in the river is revealed to be a giant bone sticking out of a mound of fatty flesh. Blake steals samples for potential cloning, and grabs a magical charm-shard to boot.

3. Crossing the river, the group sees a bluff with a gigantic monolith. At the base, a herd of boars: two large males, some females, and a bunch of boarlets. A standoff occurs, and turns to violence.

3a. Blake is gored with a critical hit while trying to stab his boar in its blind eye. He miraculously survives and manages to put a plasma bolt through its head. The boar's death throes drop Blake below 0, leaving him with a damaged eye (according to Emmy Allen's Horrible Wounds)

3b. Waterblossom attempts to stun the boars with Washington's Laugh. Both resist the merriment, but their teeth are turned to wood.

3c. Gavel realizes too late that he forgot to calibrate the rail-rifle that had been bolted onto his hover chair. Waterblossom offs the other boar by launching a selachian torpedo via Moses' Shark.

4. The boars defeated, the crew converse for a moment as to whether or not they should loot the grave goods buried beneath the monolith and potentially clone one of the ancient warriors. They decide against it. Blake fashions a boarhide eyepatch.

5. An hour's pause is made to avoid a trio of amazons passing by on wolfback.

6. The crew enters a forest near nightfall. With wolves howling in the distance, the crew takes shelter in a nearby cottage, which contains a young girl who is remarkably non-plussed by the fact that wolves killed her parents.

7. Blake climbs up to the roof through the chimney and takes potshots at the wolves for a while after sundown. The rest get fitful sleep as the wolves prowl and howl just outside.

8. Come morning, the trio head out. Girl (for that is what her parents called her) is renamed Lantern-Boy by Blake ("Oh hurrah, I am overjoyed, clearly this is not a portent of awful things to come." and given a lantern.

9. The tower is reached. The group enter and are swiftly separated in the darkness.

10. Blake glimpses a confused Donson the golem in the gloom, but rushes to aid the friend crying out in the darkness. Waterblossom likewise avoids temptation. Gavel beats the shit out of a little troll thing with a monomolecular greatsword. Eventually they all meet up with Lantern-Boy in the central chamber.

11. In the final chamber, they see mounds of treasure, an ancient mindworm crone, and the weapon. Blake is volunteered by Gavel and Lantern-Boy to partake in the challenge.

12. Blake attempts to seduce the amazon he is to fight with. She says 'after we fight'. Blake successfully grapples her, knocks her axe away, and puts a plasma bolt directly through her skull, tragically cutting many hopes and dreams short.

13. Blake and Waterblossom are granted vials of holy water by the crone. Gavel is transformed into a space wolf. The ship is called in, the weapon is retrieved, and there is great wonder about whether or not they should even bother breaking Gavel's curse, because now they can load up a space wolf with spell tumors. Blake sells boarmeat for a decent price and makes fancy leathers out of it.

Even as a space wolf, Gavel is able to smoke space opium.

I love this group.

Beloch's Questions

  1. The wolves of the Devoured Planet have become Blake's major rivals. That his close friend and drug buddy is now a wolf is deeply traumatizing.
  2. They managed to get to the tower without attracting the attention of the amazons. This may or may not last.
  3. Lantern-Boy is benefiting for the moment. Her future remains uncertain, but she is currently not being eaten by wolves.
  4. No major NPC deaths.
  5. News of the weapon's successful recovery was passed on to Salamander Lady, which means it will become major news in the near future.
  6. See above: as soon as this hits newstands, people will be having opinions. Mostly positive, considering what the aboleth is doing.
  7. Gavel's wolf-curse  and whether or not it will be broken; Blake's hatred of wolves and trauma over killing the one woman horrible enough to understand him, plus fixing up his gaping chest wound.