|by Jesper Elsing
Oi me boys, me hobs and me gobs
We got us some jobs ta do!
The gangly big blokes have got swollen heads
And need to get knocked down a few pegs!
Down to the town, me gobbos, me hobbos
Joke and jape away an’ afar!
Spare no one the sting
Give ‘em a zing
And turn the damn pile on its head!
What has it got in its pocketses?
- A piece of string and a dead rat
- Five wedding rings
- A colorful caterpillar collection
- Mushroom sandwich
- Flask of moonshine
- Flask of moonshine (literal)
- Handful of sheep’s eyes
- Pet lint spirit
- Saint’s stolen fingerbone
- Loaded dice (always come up 1 and 6)
- The deed for a large bridge, legitimate
- Gigantic tricorn with ostrich feathers (folds up neatly)
- Emblem of one of the lost goblin kings
- Firecracker grenade
- Ruby the size of an egg, is actually a type of fruit
- Receipt from the Market for kitten whiskers and maids’ tears
- Pipe, tobacco, cleaning kit
- Bottle of Dr. Lugubrious Hob’s Miracle Tonic
- Rust-dust from a hero’s sword
- A very confused badger
What are they planning?
- Maiden flight of bovine-powered aircraft
- Weasel-Stomping Day
- Flood local schoolhouse with ice cream
- Kidnap local prince’s bride-to-be, replace with troll
- Re-instate fish dueling in the courts
- Curse everyone to talk backwards
- Bringing powdered wigs back in style
- Operation: Emperor’s Got No Clothes
- Introducing democracy by means of everyone throwing rotten vegetables at everyone else
- Instituting the Diet of Worms
- Steal everyone’s left shoe, hide them all at the tops of trees
- Stand on each other’s shoulders, wear overcoats and sheets, descend upon townsfolk
- Mass chaos and disarray, with explosions
- Drag races
- Replace king’s crown with live groundhog during dinner
- Wide scale protests for / against topic they refuse to tell people about
- Seduce the youth of today with their hippity-hop big-band ragtime music
- Found Church of the Great Cosmic Pierogi
- Countywide spellcheck graffiti campaign
- Something completely different
Who’s your broodmother?
- Famous opera singer and notorious Munchausen
- Hidden from sight behind spider-silk veils, crossword fiend
- Permanently out to lunch
- Dreams of exploring, collects maps instead
- Lives in and moves about by a Rube Goldberg machine
- Biggest fan of the local sports team
- Friend of giant eagles, skydives regularly
- Amateur comedian. Not good, but willing to take criticism.
- Maintains a 30,000 strong live butterfly collection
- Has organized the entire warren as a living musical show.
|by Ariel Perez