|by Jesper Elsing|
Oi me boys, me hobs and me gobs
We got us some jobs ta do!
The gangly big blokes have got swollen heads
And need to get knocked down a few pegs!
Down to the town, me gobbos, me hobbos
Joke and jape away an’ afar!
Spare no one the sting
Give ‘em a zing
And turn the damn pile on its head!
What has it got in its pocketses?
- A piece of string and a dead rat
- Five wedding rings
- A colorful caterpillar collection
- Mushroom sandwich
- Flask of moonshine
- Flask of moonshine (literal)
- Handful of sheep’s eyes
- Pet lint spirit
- Saint’s stolen fingerbone
- Loaded dice (always come up 1 and 6)
- The deed for a large bridge, legitimate
- Gigantic tricorn with ostrich feathers (folds up neatly)
- Emblem of one of the lost goblin kings
- Firecracker grenade
- Ruby the size of an egg, is actually a type of fruit
- Receipt from the Market for kitten whiskers and maids’ tears
- Pipe, tobacco, cleaning kit
- Bottle of Dr. Lugubrious Hob’s Miracle Tonic
- Rust-dust from a hero’s sword
- A very confused badger
What are they planning?
- Maiden flight of bovine-powered aircraft
- Weasel-Stomping Day
- Flood local schoolhouse with ice cream
- Kidnap local prince’s bride-to-be, replace with troll
- Re-instate fish dueling in the courts
- Curse everyone to talk backwards
- Bringing powdered wigs back in style
- Operation: Emperor’s Got No Clothes
- Introducing democracy by means of everyone throwing rotten vegetables at everyone else
- Instituting the Diet of Worms
- Steal everyone’s left shoe, hide them all at the tops of trees
- Stand on each other’s shoulders, wear overcoats and sheets, descend upon townsfolk
- Mass chaos and disarray, with explosions
- Drag races
- Replace king’s crown with live groundhog during dinner
- Wide scale protests for / against topic they refuse to tell people about
- Seduce the youth of today with their hippity-hop big-band ragtime music
- Found Church of the Great Cosmic Pierogi
- Countywide spellcheck graffiti campaign
- Something completely different
Who’s your broodmother?
- Famous opera singer and notorious Munchausen
- Hidden from sight behind spider-silk veils, crossword fiend
- Permanently out to lunch
- Dreams of exploring, collects maps instead
- Lives in and moves about by a Rube Goldberg machine
- Biggest fan of the local sports team
- Friend of giant eagles, skydives regularly
- Amateur comedian. Not good, but willing to take criticism.
- Maintains a 30,000 strong live butterfly collection
- Has organized the entire warren as a living musical show.
|by Ariel Perez|