Tuesday, June 9, 2020


Massimilano Haematinon Nigro

A level 4 adventure for Knave for 4 players, cribbing from the GLOG.

This started as a joke, and it has gotten completely out of hand.

Let it never be said that I do not give my all whilst shitposting.

The Apocrypals are to blame for much of this.

The swordwife class was made by Phlox.

This is part 1, being the premade PCs. Part 2 will be the adventure proper.


Long has this land fallen under the shadow of distant Ankhar. Long have its people endured the overflowing violence from its wars with Tishar and Zet. But now Ankhar sweeps down into our lands to conquer and devour.

Who is this god that the priests of Ankhar praise, this god who hides beneath veils? Who is this god they carry before their armies as they pillage our lands and enslave our people? Who is this god that desecrates our high places and demands that he alone be worshiped? Who demands obedience to a cruel and distant king?

Ankhar's great general Malenairis has camped in the city of Yetek. His god has taken up residence in the temple there, desecrating the sanctuary of the Mother of Dawn and killing her attendants.

He believes that he might march on from Yetek conquer us unopposed, just as he did the cities in the north.

Vanity! In the depths of the night, he has lost his head: for he was drunk on wine and thought that no threat might come from the widow and her handmaid.

Break down the gates of Yetek, wives of the sword, and cast out the army of the tyrant.


Dhaibr, Swordwife (WHITE HORSE)

"While men seek earthly pleasures, I study the blade."

  • Lean. Scarred. Dark. Frizzy hair. Disciplined. Detached. Precise speech. Melancholic.
  • Art of Flying Blades - Swords, especially enemy swords, can be used as projectiles.
  1. Desperate Dodge - 1/combat, can drop 1d4 items to avoid all damage from an attack.
  2. Find the Opening - If attacking someone who attacked her on their turn, she gain either +2 to hit or +2 damage.
  3. Bronze Tongue - Can speak the languages of metals.
  4. 'Til Death - Cannot be struck by a fatal blow so long as she consciously holds a sword.
  5. Bronze sword (1d8) - Forged by her mother during labor.
  6. ""        ""
  7. Iron sword (1d8) - Severs the soul from the body. Prevents the spirit from returning.
  8. ""        ""
  9. Mithril sword (1d8) - Cuts through any material weaker than iron. Shatters on a 20.
  10. ""        ""
  11. Phosphorus Dagger (1d6) - Glows with an actinic white light when struck against rock.
  12. Bronze breastplate - Defense 14
  13. ""        ""
  14. ""        ""

Ayo, Mountain-Stance Adipomonk (RED HORSE)

"Reach heaven through...ah you know what comes next."

  • Towering. Corpulent. Curly hair. Gregarious. Gluttonous. Booming speech. Sanguine.
  • Adipomancy - Ayo casts magic by rolling Bulk Die, and then reading the [Sum] or [Dice] as written. Any dice that come up as 6 are burnt and cannot be recovered without eating an additional ration.
  1. Bulk die (d6), bonuses only apply past 1 die.
  2. Bulk die (d6), +2 defense
  3. Bulk die (d6), +2 defense
  4. Bulk die (d6), +2 defense
  5. Mountain Stance - Cannot move. Cannot be knocked down. All damage moves up 1 die size.
  6. Ironshod Greatclub (1d10) - And this is my thwacking stick!
  7. ""        ""
  8. ""        ""
  9. Frighteningly large jug of booze - Contains 3 charges of drunkenness. 
  10. Belly Drum (spell) - Cuts current HP in half - points lost may be distributed among future damage rolls.
  11. Breath of Fire (spell) - [Sum] damage in a 15' cone. Consumes 1 charge of booze.
  12. Metabolic Overdrive (spell) - Recover [Sum] HP
  13. Gravity Pull (spell) target within [Sum] x 5 feet is pulled in a straight line towards Ayo. Target gets a save to resist.
  14. MESHI MESHI MESHI MESHI ORA! - Burn a bulk die. Gain an extra attack. Explodes on 6.

Anbara, Book Club Witch (BLACK HORSE


  • Tiny. Tanned. Cropped hair. Excitable. Aggressive. Rapid speech. Horny on main. Choleric.
  • Literate: As a priestess of the scribe god, Anbara can read and write. It's not technically magic, but it might as well be in these days.
  1. Blessed robes and ibis mask - Defense 12
  2. Dusty tome of ancient and forgotten lore - Required to cast spells
  3. Bronze spear (1d8)
  4. ""        ""
  5. Command (spell) - Issue a 3 word command to target. Target gets save.
  6. Bookspeak (spell) - Books and scrolls disclose their contents.
  7. Reveal Invisible (spell) - A silvery powder
  8. Sign of Thoth (spell) - A doorway is marked so that enemies of CL or lower HD cannot enter.
  9. Burning Cloud (spell) - Burning red grit deals CL damage / turn, 15' radius.
  10. Memory Fog (spell) - Target's memories of the last CL hours become muddled and indistinct.
  11. Hypergeometry (spell) -Move through doors, walls, objects, individuals, open space for CL x 5'.

Senech, Gun-Saint of An-Hehm (PALE HORSE)

[Escalate immediately to gun violence]

  • Sallow. Wiry. Oily hair. Burn scar. Tolerant. Lazy. Whispered speech. Phlegmatic.
  • Nimblefingers - Senech can reload a weapon or change ammo types without spending a turn if she switches to another weapon for that turn.
  1. Reinforced schema habit - Defense 13
  2. Pistol (1d8, 6 shots)
  3. Hand cannon (1d10, 1 shot) - + to hit and damage at short range, - to hit and damage at long range, can hit 2 adjacent targets (roll once for damage and halve)
  4. ""        ""
  5. Black powder grenade (2d6, ignores armor, 10' radius)
  6. Hellian fire grenade (1d6, flammable oil, 10' radius)
  7. Ammo pouch (Standard, 24 shots)
  8. Ammo pouch (Blessed, 12 shots, double damage to magical beings)
  9. Ammo pouch (Buckshot, 6 shots)
  10. Ammo pouch (Incendiary shot, 4 shots)


  1. 1) Knave is still the best when it comes to making premade characters.

    2) I don't know why I always have more focus and inspiration for shitposts.

    1. 3) I am a firm believer in the value of reusing good PCs.

      4) I probably listen to too many LISA soundtrack mashups.

  2. Old Testament/Bronze Age type settings seem woefully underused in fantasy, I don't know why.

    1. Couldn't tell you. I would want to blame a lack of subject literacy, but I don't think that's all of it. Certainly there's a whole lot of baggage to be dredged up from the British-American religious milieu the genre sprouted in / continues to exist in.