Saturday, April 11, 2020

Secret Jackalope 2020: Primates of the Post-Paracausal Paradox Peninsula

The Jackalope cares not for the revival of life and the coming of spring. Jackalope cares only for BLOG POSTS, so that they might rival their nemesis the SANTICORE!

I have been granted a missive! Kirt "Loki Dankmyer requests the following:

3+ monsters appropriate for a post-apocalyptic setting where mankind wiped itself out with reality-warping weapons. Useful but not required (highly optional): Stats formatted for high compatibility with Knave, any humanoids are based on primates OTHER than humans (chimps, gorillas, monkeys, etc.), unique "high technology indistinguishable from magic" treasures to match the monsters

Shepherds of the Red Orb

4' tall aye-ayes wander in the night in bands of 6-10, each with a small red marble like a droplet of blood above their head. They are armed with clubs and bear unlit lanterns, and wear hideous golden masks and flowing indigo robes. Each band is accompanied by a Red Orb, which floats above the ground without apparent source.

HD 1 HP 5 AC None
Club 1d4, horrific face (save vs WIS or be paralyzed, one use per group)

If one comes into possession of a red marble, it will take place above their own head and begin transmitting messages from the network of Red Orbs - these will be incomprehensibly scrambled at first, but will coalesce within a few hours into knowledge of the location of other Red Orbs and their respective bands of shepherds. More importantly it will imply the existence of great sources of unclaimed Red Orbs, and compel the bearer to seek them out (CHA save to resist, repeats daily). Marbles can only be destroyed in intense heat (magma forges etc)


The remnants of an uplift project gone screwy in the post-paracausal paradox. Their current shape is that of a hairless ape with a cuttlefish for a head, possessing all of the color and texture changing abilities of their mollusc components and all the social mentalities and tool usage of the primates.

HD 2 HP 10 AC Leather
Augmented limbs 1d6, laser eye 1d6

Attempting to locate a hidden cuttlechimp without some sort of technological aid is an INT or WIS roll at disadvantage.

Cuttlechimps tend to make their homes in the now-overgrown and flooded facilities that first spawned them, which means that they tend to be found in close proximity to devices such as gensplice tanks, autoassistants, simulation datacards and devotional AIGOD rosaries.

Orangutan Technomancer

Greatest of the surviving great apes, the old men of the forest have gained a mastery of the secrets of the Hu machines. Channeling their program-sutras through their Staves of Might, they command legions of robotic salvagefolk and build themselves great fortresses in the rusting trees of those deep chrome jungles.

HD 2 HP 15 AC Leather + Shield
Augmented limbs 1d6

Staves of Might permit the wearer to issue simple commands to any active robotic beings or computer systems as if they had administrative privileges. They may maintain control over devices equal to their WIS modifier. They may also make a CHA roll to forcibly take over a device that is controlled by another practitioner.

1 comment:

  1. I just found this thing and god, this is just very good isn't it? Love me some peculiar primates.