Sunday, April 30, 2023

Another Green Box

Still on my Delta Green kick.

I honestly think green boxes are one of the best features in any ttrpg; they're an excuse to introduce fun toys, you can use them to deliver hooks, their contents can help solve problems and create new ones, you can fill them with clues and threads to investigate, you can turn them into miniature stories. They fit into basically any game system where "allied supply cache" would make sense, especially if the PCs are part of an organization / faction / community that can't rely on the support of a larger / official organization (militant unionists, revolutionaries, off-the-books operators, dungeon delvers, etc.) And most of all they embody my design ideal of "give players tools instead of numbers."

So yeah, green boxes are great. Here's the first one. Here's another one. 

Item 1

Katana and wakizashi in matching scabbards, 18th Century. Well-maintained.

Item 2

Pallet of 300 cans of Chef Boyardee ravioli.

Item 3

Half-painted Warhammer 40k army (kitbashed Thousand Daughters Chaos Sisters). Painting supplies. Model assembly tools. Notecard: "DO NOT TOUCH".

Item 4

Folding coffin tent x5

Item 5

Four kevlar vests, nametags read "Inky", "Pinky", "Blinkie" and "Fuckface."

Item 6

CRT television with VHS/DVD player. Shelf contains:

  • Blade 2 (DVD) - Disc is scratched.
  • "Lauren and Charlie Wedding 6/11/94" - Home movie of wedding ceremony. Groom drastically changes appearance five times during ceremony; no attendants, including bride, notice.
  • The Ring (VHS) - Cassette label has been removed.
  • "Navidson" (CD-R) - Fragment of student film adaptation of House of Leaves. 4 additional .mov files on disk, all corrupted.
  • Unlabeled Tape (VHS) - Amateur sex tape. Camera is knocked to the floor and remains pointed at opened closet throughout. Indistinct figure can be seen regularly shifting position in the darkness.
  • The Screaming Aboard the Alexis (DVD) - Shrinkwrapped, unopened.

Item 7

Complete Talmud (Schottenstein Aramaic/Hebrew-English edition)

Item 8

Tupperware contained filled with Lego minifigure heads. Red ∅ drawn on lid.

  • Opening the container will induce the intrusive thought "I should eat these", with dramatically lowered inhibition.

Item 9

6 autoinjectors filled with cloudy blue fluid. Note: "One per six hours. Use w/ white worms only no good w/ red. Hurts like a bitch but you'll thank me later."

Item 10

12-terabyte solid-state hard drive inside a duct-taped plastic bag. Drive holds .csv file containing anonymized data of all instances of masturbation to orgasm by human beings worldwide since June 10th 1841. All entries include date & time, region, and subject matter tags. Several columns containing additional data have been corrupted. A pivot table has already been made for easy sorting.

Item 11

Reconstruction of Toriyama Sekien's Gazu Hyakki Yagyo tetrology; scrapbook collage and enthusiastic amateur watercolors. Includes numerous beings not included in the original work.

Item 12

Photograph of peacock spider (Maratus volans) perched on garden statue of Athena. Spider is the size of a small dog. Statue is painted period-appropriate colors.

Item 13

Heavily-annotated copy of The Atûmaic Mysteries: Antiquity to Today.

  • Academic writing is clear and functional. Provides solid overview of the history, development, and major schools of Atûmaic thought. At multiple points in the book, the author states that certain topics should not be investigated or even explained for the safety of the reader.

Item 14

Federal tax returns for James D. W. Hudson-Golgorath of Schenectady, New York from 1958-1972.

Item 15

Hinged wooden box containing hand-knotted cord rosaries, an assortment of granola bars and fruit snacks, and eight prepared .357 speed-loaders. Note on interior lid: "Take what you need! - M.A."

Item 16

Bloodstained capirote robe with hood, blue. Pocket notebook, black. Notebook contains list of names, 19/25 crossed out. All names match with Klan rosters from western Kentucky and northern Alabama in 1971-1974.

  • Wearing the robe will trigger an epileptic seizure accompanied by beatific vision of a young woman in a blue dress, crushing a serpent underfoot. "Wake up mijo; there's still work to do." From then on the wearer has mantled the spirit of EL MARTILLO (terror of the wicked, hero of the downtrodden, friend to all children.)

Item 17

Unsigned letter in Esperanto, addressed to Piotr, dated September 12th, 1925. Regards "observational anomalies in the paths of orbiting bodies", including claims of planets appearing in the incorrect orbits, moving at incorrect speeds, and the appearance and disappearance of multiple new planets. Additional information, including the observational data, is promised in a following letter.

Item 18

Fishtank filled with coffee grounds, kitchen refuse, and bulbous blue-white fungus. Paper taped to side: "I eat plastic! Yum yum yum!" Half-consumed He-Man action figure visible inside.


Item 19

Draft screenplays for the thirteenth through fifteenth mainline Star Wars films, written in Georgian. Recovered from abandoned homeless encampment in Cleveland, Ohio, 2009.

Item 20

3-hole binder containing detailed handwritten planetological survey of the TRAPPIST-1 system.

Item 21

Doctoral dissertation analyzing the "Skipping Stone to Heaven" UFO sighting (June 1997, Montana) and the short-lived New Stars Holiness Church that formed afterwards.

  • New Stars Holiness Church - Pentecostal-derived new religious movement, 349 known members at highest count. Collapsed due to development of bitter rivalry between its founders, Mason Gore and Barry Heim. Gore suffered a psychotic break in 2002 and has repeatedly failed at resurrecting the church (current Facebook follower count: 6). Heim was last seen in 2019, recruiting door-to-door for a dietary tapeworm multi-level-markerting scheme, despite having been declared dead by opiate overdose in 2014.

Item 22

Annotated transcripts of episode 3 ("Welcome to Calamari") of actual-play podcast "Adventures in Aegaiana" stapled to printout of rambling conspiratorial blogpost and local news article about the arrest of member Jean Nichols for vandalism, public nudity, and aggravated assault.

  • Cited conspiracy centers on esoteric mathematic symbolism and how it is used by miniature humanoid creatures creatures called "muGen" to manipulate humanity and prevent discovery of true mathematics.

Item 23

Cardboard take-out container filled with adhesive googly eyes.

Item 24

Nonstandard tarot deck; contains uneven mix of Queen of Swords, Devil, Tower, 7 Cups and 4 Wands from different decks. Additionally contains "The Temple", "The Summit", "Page of Roots" and "6 of Threes".

Item 25

Water filtration kit. Iodine tablets. Charcoal filters. Mason jar containing four severed index fingers suspended in urine, labeled "EMERGENCY USE ONLY".

  • Fingers belong to pair of immortal protohuman sorcerer-priests. Snapping one in half will reduce all matter within 15 meters (dome) to radioactive ash, barring a three-meter exclusion zone at the point of detonation.

Item 26

2013 Toshiba laptop, operating system Linux Mint. Starts "Dogmeat Special" program on startup, which allows any computer program to be run on the machine regardless of age, origin or type to be run on the machine.

  • Programs run through Dogmeat Special are sluggish and prone to crashes due to the age of the hardware and instability of the program. They are not installed on the laptop, and must be run from an external drive. Dogmeat Special itself cannot be copied or moved to other computers.

Item 27

Handheld Geiger counter. Plastic casing has been pried open and repaired with hot glue and duct tape. Laminated index cards attached to handle with twine provide instructions on how to take readings of atmospheric doroganon. No explanation of doroganon is provided, but it is repeatedly stated that levels above 4.5 are unfit for long-term human habitation.

Item 28

Take-out menu for Last Chance Supreme Chinese Buffet. Certain items have been underlined and numbered. "They changed the General Tso's - no good" has been penciled in the margin.

  • Ordering marked items in specific orders for takeout will result in delivery of additional non-food items.

Item 29

Kuchisake-onna body pillow. Reverse side wears no mask.

Item 30

Nine composition notebooks containing grammars, lexicons, writing systems and teaching for five constructed languages (Olxheyu, Saram-Shuram, Jaji, Dhaatageiz, Balyang) All demonstrate noteworthy skill in their construction and presentation but are otherwise mundane.

Item 31

Contract of sale for immortal soul of reactionary conservative podcaster. Purchaser's signature is smudged and faded, and cannot be read.

  • Contract remains legally binding even when re-signed. Degradation of the document prevents exercise of full control over the subject, but significant influence can still be wielded. Advertisements on the Spotify music streaming platform cannot be reduced or canceled, as per Clause 5.

Item 32

Conversational Diné bizaad (Navajo) learning course on cassette.

Item 33

Shoebox of goodbye letters, photographs of pets; assorted coins, small stones, pressed flowers, blackout poetry.

Item 34

HAM radio set. Microphone cord has been cut. Actively transmitting looping message: heavily-distorted male voice reads out names of each M, K and G class star within 150 light years of Earth, with each name followed by sequence of SOS distress signals in assorted encodings.

Item 35

Wooden saint's icon of elephant, painted in classical Ethiopian Tewahedo orthodox style.

  • Intruders into a room where the icon is hung will be removed from the premises; injuries are consistent with being kicked, gored, or picked up and thrown by an elephant.


  1. A few threads, completely unintentionally, emerged while writing this. Some distinct characters who have used the box before you, perhaps.

  2. Very good.
    A black-and-white, weather-beaten, overly photocopied missing person poster. The missing woman on the poster is identified as “Charlene Dupre”, she is an upper middle class 23-year-old Caucasian resident of a trendy bohemian suburb in Boston. Missing since February of last year. Last seen shopping at an obscure bookstore just as the sun was setting. The poster’s contact details are her best friend’s home phone number. Someone has defaced this poster with a magic marker, in big thick red capital letters; “TRUST ME, YOU DON’T WANT TO FIND THIS GIRL NOW”.

  3. The devil on my shoulder is cackling at the idea of describing the unlabelled cassette of The Ring, and what happens when you watch it, in such a way as to imply that The Ring and its effects are real in the setting.

    1. (It can even be a fake-out - just a normal, non-anomalous copy. Or maybe that's just what people think?)