Friday, September 23, 2022

The Chatelaine Crepuscular

By pre-dawn grey or dim gloaming blue, a tall, lonely figure calls "Hallo!" from the road.

Daughter of the forbidden union of Moon and Sun (for the Ocean and the Unfixed Stars are jealous consorts), she was exiled from the celestial courts during the Heliocentric Reformation (as the Sun, the new center of the universe, could not afford such a lofty position with an obvious bastard lingering around their feet). She stole everything that she could carry on the way out, and has been peddling the treasures of the heavens as she travels about the world of mortals.

  • Appearance: Beautiful, to proportions that are not entirely unlike those of humans. Tall, so that one must crane their head up to meet her eyes unless they are standing far away. Hair that flows down to her ankles, deepest blue at the roots and billowing out through purple, red, pink, orange, to gold at the tips. Skin of that grey-gold of the mists in morning as they depart from the sun. She goes about unclothed, save a hooded cloak of tattered silver brocade she'll wear when it is raining, and wooden sandals to keep her feet out of the mud. She has an enormous overstuffed backpack, practically bursting at the seams, that never seems to get smaller. With a snap of her fingers there's a wooden tray around her neck, with a carafe of dark coffee an a set of ceramic cups.
  • Manner: Casually playful, in the way of someone who grew up among suffocating social strictures and wishes to have no more of any of that, thank you very much.

  • Wants: Money enough for passage to the Mouth of the Fish.

  • Secret: Killed a courtier on her way out.

What's She Selling?

  • Sun-Maid's Mask - A smiling visage of orange-glazed clay. It weaves the wearer into the background. Others will dimly notice their presence, but not as an individual and not anyone of any importance. Works better the greater the class divide between you and the people around you. Won't let you get away with murder but will certainly allow you to sneak off with heavier pockets.

  • Decanter of Nectar - The golden liquid within is extremely viscous and sticky, painfully cold, overly sweet, and has a tendency to form an unpleasant crust when it dries out. But it does contain several more gallons than it should, and refills slowly when depleted.

  • Sacrificial Censor - Merely insert charcoal, incense, and animal bones wrapped in fat, and you can send one-way messages via smoke signal to anyone who shares the same religion as you.

  • The mummified corpse of an unlucky thaumonaut - Still wearing a functional EVA suit, if you can get the damn thing off him.

  • Assortment of last season's fashions from the Thiasus Tranquilatus - Would be difficult to wear without significant modification, but all of extremely fine quality.

  • Bottomless Chamberpot - Precisely so. It is not recommended to flip it over.

  • Slippers of the Emerald Emperor - Exceedingly comfy and will keep your feet war, your footsteps muffled, and have enough residual magic in them

  • Miniature Ouroboros - A pet snake, forever eating its own tail. Worn as an accessory (as it does not require food and cannot shit) and is s sure sign of high society. Its shed skin is a potent alchemical reagent, used in the more effective transmutative concoctions.

  • Execution Voucher (Most Holy Brotherhood of Carnifexes) - Good for one free execution of a guilty party by a licensed guild headsman.

  • Decorative Inkwell (Gifted by the ambassador from Leng) - By twisting the pen like so, the ink might be made permanent, animated, or invisible save in the presence of certain stimuli.

  • Decorative Statuette (Gifted by the ambassador from Carcosa) - "I don't know what this does and I am not about to try and find out."

  • A jar full of kidney stones - They have been lacquered and polished smooth, and remain utterly disgusting. Why the hell are you buying these.

  • A scale from a chalkydri - As large and as sturdy as a greatshield, but light as a cork. Its polished copper surface casts iridescent reflections when struck by light.

  • The gun that will, eventually, kill the Cthonopope - What an absolute piece of garbage. Poorly maintained, can barely shoot straight, good luck finding compatible ammo. But the name doesn't lie, it comes with a certified prophecy by the Cumaean Oracle.

  • Nephilimic Grammar Book - A dogeared and margin-noted textbook of the primary Nephilimic dialect. Ordinary, somewhat obtuse, but otherwise a decent instruction.

  • Andromeda's Earrings - She left them behind at the soulstice ball. Will allow the wearer to hear any conversation about them as if the speakers are standing right next to them.

  • Partially Opened Box of Firecrackers - Bright paper cylinders of red and yellow. They should still (mostly) be functional. Being used by the celestial court, do mind that the images and sounds they will create are well beyond those alchemist's tricks of the world below. make sure to read the label!

  • Amber Theoamniote - A mass of amber, within which one might see the obscured form of something similar to an oversized human fetus. Purpose unknown.

  • Unfinished Afterlife Paperwork - All the necessary forms to assign two souls to their penitentence. Have already been signed and stamped, but the assignments have yet to be filled in.

  • Cresent Moon Nail Clippers - Shimmering silver blades and a pearl handle. Excellent at their job, but the nail file is the real treasure - with time and elbow grease you can grind down anything with it.


  1. This post brought to you by "BRING MIDNA BACK YOU COWARDS"

  2. The bottomless chamberpott is a great idea for a fixable sort of apocalypse. And I really like the thought of an item of great portend but low immedeate use (the gun). Bravo.

  3. The kidney stone jar is a steal. According to Vansina, the Kete held that interestingly shaped kidney stones were useful tools for calling back your souls if one got taken or lost. With a lacquered kidney stone from the celestial courts, vacuuming at least one of a star's souls into a well-prepared calabash is entirely within reach!

    1. Nothing I love more than stumbling into cool lore completely unintentionally.