THE THIRD ANNUAL SALTY AWARDS

 

COMPLETE STANDSTILL. UNENDING TORMENTS.

The previous year has faded to nothing in my mind. 

Tears in the rain, sand through the fingers. 

The millstone of Moloch grinds down upon us all.

IF HOPE SHALL NOT SUSTAIN ME, MAY SPITE FILL ITS ROLE.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN HELL BUT I CAN MAKE EXCEPTIONS

It is once again time for

THE SALTIES

 

The selection process is simple. I choose things and my choices are correct.

THE SALTIES OF AGES PAST

2020

2021

 

**

AT LAST, A SPARK OF JOY IN MY BLACK AND DEADENED HEART

Solarcrawl (Galen Pejeau)

Now this, this is a game that was created to pander directly to me.  Lightweight Black-Hacky ruleset. Hard-science aesthetic. An actual real gameplay loop. That's the ticket, give me a gameplay loop, give me procedures that I can use consistently and plug in a new planet to explore every couple sessions. Honestly it's the only sci-fi ttrpg I know of that actually feels like it's actually, meaningfully about exploration. There's a resource die for public support of the space program. God I love this thing, and I hate the fact that I haven't had the spoons to run it. I want to run it. I want to make stuff for it.

 

BEST BOOK THAT IS NOT YET IN BOOK FORM

 Monster Overhaul (Skerples)

Third year running. There will be a fourth if necessary.

THE OTHER, DIFFERENT BEST BOOK NOT YET IN BOOK FORM

Hull Breach (Ian Yusem et al)

It is remarkably easy to get me invested in a project: all you really need to do is say "Mothership" and "large book" in proximity to each other. Especially when it's 20 some different authors making modular content for the large book, which means the large book is actually many smaller books, and all of this makes me terribly happy. The awful vanishment of the first half of this year is still awful and bad, but it is also halfway to Hull Breach.

BEST BOOK THAT I WROTE

Unicorn Meat

When you run the award show, there's absolutely nothing stopping you from giving yourself an award!

 

I AM A PATIENT MAN 

BREAK! (Naldo Drinian & Grey Wizard)

The years wash over me as the ocean upon a stone YET I ENDURE.

 

 WE HAVE FALLEN INTO A RUT

RPGs as just kinda a thing, or maybe it's me

Look I won't lie the Salties are going to be low on the awards this year because there hasn't been much to get excited about. I have already covered everything that I am looking forward to and most stuff that's come out just hasn't made any impact on my radar. There's too much to keep track of. A new crisis occurs and there's a new itch bundle and there are so many games and I am so, so tired.

 

HALL OF SHAME

The Tekumel Foundation

They absolutely knew Barker was a white supremacist and covered it up for years.

BEST OSR-ADJACENT MEDIA

Elden Ring (FromSoftware)

Innumerable options for players to solve problems + an open world that rewards exploring it, it's a shoe-in for this category. Y'all knew this one was coming.

 

THE OTHER BEST OSR-ADJACENT MEDIA

Dungeon Meshi (Ryoko Kui)

Look if you haven't read Dungeon Meshi yet it's nearly done and also remains one of the cleverest takes on Generic Vernacular Fantasy out there. It's better at being D&D than D&D is at being D&D. It's comfortable like a favorite pair of pants fresh out of the dryer, but there's also a twenty in the pocket. Also has the best reaction faces in manga. "Western fantasy via Japanese artists" is a good genre and this is a good example of a good genre.

EXCELLENCE IN NARRATIVE COWARDICE

Horizon Forbidden West

I have never, ever, seen a work of media that so consistently runs away screaming at the very implication of something that could be interesting. A setting filled with interesting things is squandered at every moment it is possible to be squandered.

BEST PODCAST THAT HASN'T ALREADY WON THIS AWARD

Pretending to Be People (Zach, Thomas, Luke, Joe)

Back for Season 2, babyyyyyyy! My other favorite AP, being a grotesque-absurdist comedy-horror using Delta Green as its basis. It can be an acquired taste, but it is a taste to my liking and it scratches a horrible itch for me.

BEST PODCAST THAT DOESN'T HAVE REGULARLY UPDATED EPISODES

Go Die In A Hole (Nick Whelan and Arnold Kemp)

Nick Whelan runs Arnold Kemp through old D&D adventures. Possibly the most practical version of actual play out there, where the entire point is replicating at-the-table execution to demonstrate how the module is played. I wish there was more.

THING I WANT THE MOST THAT DOESN'T EXIST AND HAS NO PLANS TO

Abaddon releasing a creative commons art pack

I would pay through the fucking NOSE.

 

BEST OSR RESOURCE

Luka Rejec's trifold pamphlet and half-page book Affinity templates

*Chef's kiss*

CHAINSAW MAN?

Chainsaw Man

CHAIN. SAW. MAN.

**

The Salties have now concluded. I need a nap.