I'm doing this now so that I will never have to do it again, and maybe so that I can play in a real-life game I don't also run. Modifications that I have made, and other notes, will be in italics.
AYO, MONK OF THE GUTTER
Custom Lineage (Cambion, but huge)
- +2 CON
- Feat: Magic Initiate
- True Strike - [+] on first attack made against targeted enemy. (Cantrip)
- Blade Ward - 1/2 damage taken (piercing, bludgeoning, slashing), 1 turn duration (Cantrip)
- Burning Hands - 3d6 fire damage, DEX save for half. 15' cone (1st, once per long rest)
- Skill Proficiency: Athletics
- Language: Abyssal
Background: Party Animal (Rakdos Cultist)
- Skill Proficiency: Acrobatics, Performance
- Tool Proficiency: Instrument (Vocals)
- Language: Giant
- Fearsome Reputation (The description here is "you can get away with minor crimes because people are terrified of you")
- Alignment: Red/black (chaotic neutral)
- Theme song: Damn It
- Motivation: To eat, drink, and fight to death, and then spend eternity fighting demons in hell. Maybe topple a couple archdukes. Plan is open to change.
- Morality: Violence against those who cannot defend themselves is despicable. Violence against those who commit violence against those who cannot defend themselves is rad.
- Bonds: Mentor (Another cambion from back in the Shades), the Sex Workers' Union (you are a valued customer), sibling (by the same demon), an exorcist for the church.
- Flaw: There are some major lingering insecurities underneath all that bluster and muscle.
- Street clothing
- Pipe and tobacco tin
- Fists d8 / 10 bludgeoning, versatile (Instead of going two handed, d10 damage is a stance, which comes with a -2 AC)
- Straw hat (doubles as begging bowl)
Class: The Mountain
Dissatisfied with the way multiclassing prerequisites get in the way of actually playing what you want, I have instead made an executive decision that you may piece together whatever classes desired, but so long as features are gained at their appropriate level, and that you cannot gain more features in a level than one of your parent classes would allow. For things like Rages and Ki Points, I have ruled that you can only increase the features of one class per level up, if there is an increase available. In practice this means the gain is slightly slower, but not as hobbled as a normal multiclass character.
- HD: d12
- Armor Proficiencies: None
- Weapon Proficiencies: Simple, improvised, unarmed (I am allowing unarmed combat to act as equivalent to any standard weapon)
- Saves: STR, CON
- Tools: None
- Skill Proficiencies: Intimidation, Survival
Standard Stat Array at level 1 (including lineage bonus)
- STR 16 (+3)
- DEX 13 (+1)
- CON 16 (+3)
- INT 8 (-1)
- WIS 10 (+0)
- CHA 12 (+1)
Level 1 (2 Rages, +2 Rage damage)
- Rage - [+] STR checks and saves. Bonus damage
- Unarmored Defense - Unarmored AC = 10 + DEX mod + CON mod
Level 2 (2 Rages, 2 Ki Points +2 Rage damage, d4 Flurry damage)
- Ki. Save bonus is 8 + Proficiency + STR bonus (Hit harder, not wiser)
- Flurry of Blows - 1 KP - After attack, make two additional unarmed attacks (d4 damage)
- Patient Defense - 1 KP - Dodge as a bonus action.
- Step of the Wind - 1 KP - Dash or Disengage as bonus action. Jump distance doubled.
Level 3 (2 Rages 3 KP +2 Rage damage, d4 Flurry damage)
- Open Hand Technique - When you hit an enemy with Flurry of Blows, choose one of the following:
- DEX save or knocked prone
- STR save or pushed 15 feet away
- Can't take reactions until end of your next turn.
Level 4 (3 Rages 3 KP +2 Rage damage, d4 Flurry damage)
- Ability score increase
Level 5 (3 Rages 4 KP +2 Rage damage, d4 Flurry damage)
- Extra Attack
- Fast movement - Speed increases to 40' when not wearing heavy armor (Which you can't wear anyway)
Level 6 (3 Rages 5 KP +2 Rage damage, d4 Flurry damage)
- "Wholeness of Body" - As action, gain 3x lvl HP. Once per long rest. (Local woman too drunk to die)
Level 7 (3 Rages 6 KP +2 Rage damage, d6 Flurry damage)
- "Evasion" - Passing a CON save vs an AOE attack nullifies all damage, instead of 1/2 (Air quotes because this is tanking a direct hit. Save switched to CON to keep in line with concept)
Level 8 (3 Rages 6 KP +3 Rage damage, d6 Flurry damage)
- Ability score increase
Level 9 (3 Rages 7 KP +3 Rage damage, d6 Flurry damage)
- Brutal Critical - Roll an additional weapon damage die on a critical hit.
Level 10 (4 Rages 8 KP +3 Rage damage, d6 Flurry damage)
- "Purity of Body" - You are immune to disease and poison. (The alcohol hasn't killed you yet, a bit of venom won't start)
This out to be sufficient, I think. I suspect from a purist's standpoint there are balance issues but I'm already playing a character who has exactly 0 qualms about kidney punches and breaking kneecaps.