Sunday, August 30, 2020

Excerpts from the Lighthouse Field Guide: Part 3

Dorohedoro, naturally

First installment can be found here.

The second installment, here.

As always, all of this is canon, especially the parts that contradict, but not all of it is canon in the same place.

Venus Protectrix Gentium

Street art depicting paleolithic goddess-figure carrying aloft a war banner. In the more elaborate pieces, she is often attended by smaller, simplified human figures, handprints, herds of aurochs, elk, horses, wolves, etc. Often accompanied by selected lines from the Exaltation of Inanna, or simply the cuneiform for hè-zu-ám - "It is known" or "Let it be known".

The Red Letter Day

The last best hope for the future. The day the revolution comes.

The Bullet That Will Kill the Last Elephant

Taking the item's ontological properties into account, the agreed-upon disposal method is as follows: encasement in lead followed by dumping in randomized location in north Pacific ocean. The agents responsible will be selected according to ideological alignment, covert operations experience, and proximity to natural death.

Malebolge Manifest

Manila folder containing 17 pages, typewritten on both sides with two columns of names. 12 names are redacted, 9 are of individuals who were born after the manifest was recovered, and 27 cannot be matched to existing persons. The only other text present is a header on the first page - "ACCOUNTS PAYABLE DEBT COLLECTION AUTHORIZED".

Antarctic Express

Rail line running from Palmer Land through Ellsworth and Marie Byrd Lands, crossing the Transantarctic Mountains near Mt. Kirkpatrick for the final leg across the plateau to the Pole. A full-length trip. Passengers are encouraged to socialize with anyone boarding from mid-transit wilderness stations, but should avoid prying questions or disembarking at stops marked with a red chevron. Pamphlets with common phrases in express argot are available at the main stations.

Mouse Friend and Comrade Rat

Animated television series featuring the eponymous anarcho-communist rodents aiding the humans in their apartment complex launch organized resistance against their landlords. The six known episodes end in the middle of a plot arc (police siege of the complex), and it is unknown if any further episodes exist. There are no broadcast records of Mouse Friend and Comrade Rat; the earliest copy found so far is a VHS home recording dated to the summer of 1990.

Unnamed New Religious Movement

Apocalyptic transhumanist ideology commonly found among those in the finance or tech industries. Cult-like in its secrecy, zealotry, and recruitment tactics, though it lacks established orthodoxy, texts, tenets, rites, and other markers of a new religious movement.

Central to the movement is the shared certainty that climate change will, eventually wake a diefic alien intelligence slumbering deep in the ocean. The process of this being's waking will wipe out the majority of humanity in the process of leaving the planet. Those who survive, protected by an assortment of patent paracausal technologies, will emerge from their bunkers and use the knowledge gained from the being's passing to ascend to a posthuman state and follow it out into the stars, where they will inherit the universe.


A cracked glass bottle containing about half a liter of pale golden liquid. Reports of its effectiveness as a cure-all are currently unsubstantiated. Records indicate that twenty liters of the substance existed at one point - whereabouts of the rest are unknown. Reacts violently when combined with other liquids.


A common Delver pet, typically six inches to two feet in length. Intelligent, affectionate, and easy to care for. Hundreds of cataloged species. Immense variety in shape, size, and coloration, with clades localized to specific Underworld water bodies. Some rare varieties have retained limbs.

The Theoretical Bureaucracy

A non-organization wherein one might apply for licenses and permissions for nonsensical, nonexistent, improbable, or entirely hypothetical circumstances. These documents will be regarded as legitimate by mundane authorities without question, though only for the specific circumstances outlined within.

Access to the Bureaucracy is relatively easy, requiring only knowledge of the Bureaucracy itself and a suitable go-between - someone whose typical occupation involves a great deal of other peoples' paperwork. Whether or not the targeted person is aware of the Bureaucracy is irrelevant, so long as the request is made appropriately. Acquiring a specific license is more difficult, as they tend towards great, and obtuse cost. 


Delver slang for law enforcement. "Fred the Badger" indicates police working alongside federal agents, "the old badger clan" indicates police working alongside white supremacist militias, and "badger found a mushroom" indicates police working alongside Agency operatives.

The Basilica

A gothic revival cathedral located on the Utopia Plantitia, Mars. The structure is constructed of local stone and is almost entirely buried by sediment, with only the two spires, the peak of the roof, and the rose window visible above the surface

Coitus Mentalis

Nickname given to task force that took part in a successful, if high-casualty, raid of the laboratory used as centerpiece of the Project HIMALAYA psy-ops program. Survivors can be identified by badges or tattoos of a cracked skull with lipstick marks on the exposed brain.

"The Stink"

Field tests are still ongoing to determine the reliability of identifying paracausal events or beings by smell.The current hypothesis is that the smell is not of the paracausality itself, but caused by a chemical reaction in the surrounding environment by the presence of a paracausal instance. Described as "somewhere between the smell of bleach, a live wire and wood smoke."

The Tampa Incident

A lopsided tugboat, taking on water and in clear disrepair, appears offshore in the early morning of June 14th. Unreadable symbols written across hull and cabin in mixture of blood and feces. Intestines wide enough for a man to crawl through and oversized balloons drape across the deck and bob in the water nearby. Those present at recovery report a sure knowledge that this is the aftermath of unknown, but assuredly terrible, events from the previous night.


Recovered agency documents detailing incident in May 2015. Acephalic, hermaphroditic humanoid falls from sky in rural Washington state, severely damaging parked car. Exaggerated male and female sexual characteristics. Skin translucent; hair sparse, pale and feathery. Eventually tracked to cabin in southeast Alaska where originating actor was found dead in presence of 48 severed human heads. Notes indicate that the procedure was regarded as a failure by its practitioner, with hopes that some subjects succeeded in their escape to the "upper air".

White Lily Society

Predominantly but not entirely female organization. Primary motivation appears to be cutting down numbers or eliminating individuals possessing enough power to upset the existing factional balance of the Underworld. Typical form of dress is umber or rust colored, with white gloves. Considerable wealth used to hire out contractors - direct engagement with members is limited to lavish and strictly controlled social functions used to exert soft power among other faction. WLS banquets are the place to make history, if you're patient enough.

"Idam lo hapt, Idam lo det"

A call-and-response signifying neutrality or non-hostility; when used in entirety by a single speaker, it indicates detached resignment to the situation at hand. Nonsense, belonging to no language. Origin unclear, though it is believed to have migrated from the Underworld to the surface.

Principle of Causal Influence

Hypothesis stating that the stability of a paracausal phenomenon outside of the Underworld is inversely influenced by its scope and the degree of causal violation, thus preventing major paracausal shifts to the state of the world as a whole. Prosaically: it won't destroy us all, but it can't save us from the forces that can.


  1. The Tampa Incident was straight up a dream I had and was lucky enough to remember.

  2. -shoves these into my big ideas sack-

  3. Excellent, has the vibes of my favorite parts of SCP material.

  4. I wanna watch Mouse Friend & Comrade Rat

    1. The 30-year killer cliffhanger strikes again, to the dismay of all people.

  5. I want a microwhale. I want several.

  6. Whatever alchemy makes your brain produce this phantasmagoric brilliance, it's a precious resource. Never stop.

    The cathedral on Mars reminds me of a...Fritz Leiber? story. Evocative image.

    The Bullet that will Kill the Last Elephant came up as a relic of the End, iirc? Reminds me of the song "The Last Leviathan."

    Love the Bureaucracy; am imagining a cross between the Stygian Library and Alpha Complex. I assume you can't get a license to kill, but COULD get a 'license to kill pr injure a loan officiator by means of a knife between the hours of 10AM and 3PM,' that sort of thing?

    1. Yeah, I reused it from my Magnus post (alas, no such item ever made it into the show)

      Yep, that's how it would go. Though you are more likely to get a license for death by forklift than by just a knife.