The sign above the glowing door is an elderly witch, a crow perched on her shoulder and another at her feet.
This is geared more towards weird and a bit silly.
The Following Things are Always True
- The owner has a third eye, and comes from an unmapped land.
- The corner table with the scarred top is a domesticated mimic. It can play chess.
- The postman will regularly drop off unmarked packages directly to the owner.
- Not all the bottles behind the bar have been identified. Some cannot be identified.
- The chimney sometimes spouts colored smoke, filled with laughing faces.
- A hag’s cottage once stood here.
How Busy Is It? (1d6)
- The place is empty.
- A few stragglers / early eaters
- Normal night
- Normal night
- Notably busy night
- Packed to the rafters
The Crow’s Foot will always attract the local townsfolk, will generally have a traveling merchant or local hedge mage offering goods or services on a given night.
Special Visitors (1d20, 1d4 times if you want more options)
- Cultist looking for willing virgins to sacrifice to his dark god. Down on his luck. Will pay handsomely for tips and even more for volunteers.
- A golem pierced through with a rusted harpoon. Faded paint on its body shows a flowery drawn in a child’s hand.
- A naked woman, covered in psychotropic snails. Speaks to angels and dead relatives.
- Three traveling dwarf merchants selling hair care products. 1 bottle containing 20 uses sells for 5gp and is guaranteed to keep lice out of hair, with a 1-in-3 chance of causing beard growth per use.
- A masked noble and their servants and bodyguards. Is attempting to avoid an arranged marriage. Thinks the Crow’s Foot is quaint.
- A quiet man who had his ears, nose, and the tips of his fingers cut off long ago.
- A red oni with a hole where his heart would be. He’s drinking the Crow’s Foot dry and won’t leave.
- Two human historians, arguing like an old married couple about antiquated politics Knowledgeable on anything in the region over a few centuries old.
- A band of street cats, led by a one-eyed calico. They register as magical.
- A herd of 1d4 + 2 albino deer, standing on their hind legs. They do not speak, and pay in human baby teeth.
- A haggard-looking drow woman and her young daughter. Will approach party begging for money for passage west. Transporting a chained-up coffin.
- A Knight of the Thimble and his three stalwart beagles. On a quest to seek his lady love.
- A thorny, dark-barked dryad. Shrikes nest in her branches and impale tavern mice on them. Traveling to watch the blood sports.
- A man wearing a turtle-shell helmet, drinking tea from a bowl. 1-in-3 chance of attacking someone with a metal club during the course of the evening.
- An ooze, wearing a human skin. Will vehemently deny it is an ooze. Claims to be pregnant: fetus is a dead calf.
- A blemmeyes from the far south, dressed in leopard hides. He seeks the top of the world.
- A rogue meme. The phrase passes from person to person during the night until the entire bar is infected.
- A bloodstained stone altar, carried by bands of woodland creatures. Offerings of meat and liquor burn away.
- A traveling judge, hunting a murderer. A criminal-in-reform, still in shackles, is acting as his assistant.
- A priest of Most Harmonious Union, who will attempt to marry party members to his acolytes – will not discriminate by gender. Undoing a marriage of Most Harmonious Union requires a trip to a Temple of Serendipitous Divorce, which is hundreds of miles from wherever you are.
- 1) Dragonborn guild heiress (F) – Spoiled and demanding. Fantastically wealthy in currency not accepted on this continent.
- 2) Human ranger (M) – Wendigo hunter. Wears a necklace of snow elf ears. Intense PTSD.
- 3) Amazonian warrior (F) – Hunter of whales in the great north. Carries oil and whale fat for dark rituals. Head-over-heels in love with PC. Will offer ambergris totem-egg to female PC (20% chance of feeble, albino male child, 80% of healthy amazonian girl. Gestation of 3 months before hatching). Will attempt to castrate male PC and initiate him into rites of priesthood as foreplay. (Completed ritual results in immediately gaining a level of Death Domain Cleric, at the cost of 1 hit die.)
- 4) Demon hive-lord (M) – Births 1d3 stirges every day. Doting father to his mindless, disposable children. Will occasionally eat them.
- 5) Human evocation wizard (F) – Kind, but kind of a doormat. Incredibly bad acne. Is having issues with paying her student loans.
- 6) Iron Knight (M) – Never takes off his armor or helmet. Centuries old, by his language and mores.
- 7) A floating glass sphere (None), containing a writhing mass of teeth and eyes and red muscle. Communicates via jolly pictograph projections.
- 8) Owlbear (???) wearing a schoolgirl uniform.
Random Events (1d20)
- Reps from the KMU (Kobold Miner’s Union) Local 543 are accepting donations and volunteers for the widows and orphans benefit dinner.
- A new myconid-made spore-ale has been added to the drink list, and side effects are cropping up.
- Mysterious bloodstain on floor refuses to go away.
- It’s cleaning day, and someone found some contraband stuck underneath a table
- Angry customer causing a fuss.
- The cat takes a liking to a PC. It keeps bringing them dead things.
- A horrible storm has hit, and the crowd is skittish and reluctant to leave.
- Traveling cleric left pamphlets on all the tables, is possibly still evangelizing at people.
- A clown has appeared in the Crow’s Foot. His intentions are unknown.
- An anchor falls through the roof.
- It’s an obscure local holiday today – time for weird hats, weird beer, and weird sausages.
- It’s migration season for the dinosaur herders, and rival caravans have stopped in town.
- Pixies steal booze, declare Independent Pantry Republic
- A farmboy with a sword and an old man enter. They are both criminals.
- Paladin customer left behind enchanted sword last night.
- Depressed social worker refuses to leave.
- The taxman cometh.
- Mellified man found in a sealed ale cask.
- Salamander infestation in the fireplace.
- SUN’S OUT GUNS OUT – INTERPRET THIS HOWEVER YOU WISH