Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The Crow's Foot

The sign above the glowing door is an elderly witch, a crow perched on her shoulder and another at her feet.

This is geared more towards weird and a bit silly.

The Following Things are Always True

  • The owner has a third eye, and comes from an unmapped land.
  • The corner table with the scarred top is a domesticated mimic. It can play chess.
  • The postman will regularly drop off unmarked packages directly to the owner.
  • Not all the bottles behind the bar have been identified. Some cannot be identified.
  • The chimney sometimes spouts colored smoke, filled with laughing faces.
  • A hag’s cottage once stood here.

How Busy Is It? (1d6)

  1. The place is empty.
  2. A few stragglers / early eaters
  3. Normal night
  4. Normal night
  5. Notably busy night
  6. Packed to the rafters
Typical Visitors

The Crow’s Foot will always attract the local townsfolk, will generally have a traveling merchant or local hedge mage offering goods or services on a given night.

Special Visitors (1d20, 1d4 times if you want more options)

  1. Cultist looking for willing virgins to sacrifice to his dark god. Down on his luck. Will pay handsomely for tips and even more for volunteers.
  2. A golem pierced through with a rusted harpoon. Faded paint on its body shows a flowery drawn in a child’s hand. 
  3. A naked woman, covered in psychotropic snails. Speaks to angels and dead relatives. 
  4. Three traveling dwarf merchants selling hair care products. 1 bottle containing 20 uses sells for 5gp and is guaranteed to keep lice out of hair, with a 1-in-3 chance of causing beard growth per use. 
  5. A masked noble and their servants and bodyguards. Is attempting to avoid an arranged marriage. Thinks the Crow’s Foot is quaint. 
  6. A quiet man who had his ears, nose, and the tips of his fingers cut off long ago. 
  7. A red oni with a hole where his heart would be. He’s drinking the Crow’s Foot dry and won’t leave. 
  8. Two human historians, arguing like an old married couple about antiquated politics Knowledgeable on anything in the region over a few centuries old. 
  9. A band of street cats, led by a one-eyed calico. They register as magical. 
  10. A herd of 1d4 + 2 albino deer, standing on their hind legs. They do not speak, and pay in human baby teeth. 
  11. A haggard-looking drow woman and her young daughter. Will approach party begging for money for passage west. Transporting a chained-up coffin. 
  12. A Knight of the Thimble and his three stalwart beagles. On a quest to seek his lady love. 
  13. A thorny, dark-barked dryad. Shrikes nest in her branches and impale tavern mice on them. Traveling to watch the blood sports. 
  14. A man wearing a turtle-shell helmet, drinking tea from a bowl. 1-in-3 chance of attacking someone with a metal club during the course of the evening. 
  15. An ooze, wearing a human skin. Will vehemently deny it is an ooze. Claims to be pregnant: fetus is a dead calf. 
  16. A blemmeyes from the far south, dressed in leopard hides. He seeks the top of the world. 
  17. A rogue meme. The phrase passes from person to person during the night until the entire bar is infected. 
  18. A bloodstained stone altar, carried by bands of woodland creatures. Offerings of meat and liquor burn away. 
  19. A traveling judge, hunting a murderer. A criminal-in-reform, still in shackles, is acting as his assistant. 
  20. A priest of Most Harmonious Union, who will attempt to marry party members to his acolytes – will not discriminate by gender. Undoing a marriage of Most Harmonious Union requires a trip to a Temple of Serendipitous Divorce, which is hundreds of miles from wherever you are.
  • 1) Dragonborn guild heiress (F) – Spoiled and demanding. Fantastically wealthy in currency not accepted on this continent.
  • 2) Human ranger (M) – Wendigo hunter. Wears a necklace of snow elf ears. Intense PTSD.
  • 3) Amazonian warrior (F) – Hunter of whales in the great north. Carries oil and whale fat for dark rituals. Head-over-heels in love with PC. Will offer ambergris totem-egg to female PC (20% chance of feeble, albino male child, 80% of healthy amazonian girl. Gestation of 3 months before hatching). Will attempt to castrate male PC and initiate him into rites of priesthood as foreplay. (Completed ritual results in immediately gaining a level of Death Domain Cleric, at the cost of 1 hit die.)
  • 4) Demon hive-lord (M) – Births 1d3 stirges every day. Doting father to his mindless, disposable children. Will occasionally eat them.
  • 5) Human evocation wizard (F) – Kind, but kind of a doormat. Incredibly bad acne. Is having issues with paying her student loans.
  • 6) Iron Knight (M) – Never takes off his armor or helmet. Centuries old, by his language and mores.
  • 7) A floating glass sphere (None), containing a writhing mass of teeth and eyes and red muscle. Communicates via jolly pictograph projections.
  • 8) Owlbear (???) wearing a schoolgirl uniform.

Random Events (1d20)
  1. Reps from the KMU (Kobold Miner’s Union) Local 543 are accepting donations and volunteers for the widows and orphans benefit dinner.
  2. A new myconid-made spore-ale has been added to the drink list, and side effects are cropping up. 
  3. Mysterious bloodstain on floor refuses to go away. 
  4. It’s cleaning day, and someone found some contraband stuck underneath a table 
  5. Angry customer causing a fuss. 
  6. The cat takes a liking to a PC. It keeps bringing them dead things. 
  7. A horrible storm has hit, and the crowd is skittish and reluctant to leave. 
  8. Traveling cleric left pamphlets on all the tables, is possibly still evangelizing at people. 
  9. A clown has appeared in the Crow’s Foot. His intentions are unknown. 
  10. An anchor falls through the roof. 
  11. It’s an obscure local holiday today – time for weird hats, weird beer, and weird sausages. 
  12. It’s migration season for the dinosaur herders, and rival caravans have stopped in town. 
  13. Pixies steal booze, declare Independent Pantry Republic 
  14. A farmboy with a sword and an old man enter. They are both criminals. 
  15. Paladin customer left behind enchanted sword last night. 
  16. Depressed social worker refuses to leave. 
  17. The taxman cometh. 
  18. Mellified man found in a sealed ale cask. 
  19. Salamander infestation in the fireplace. 


  1. This is good stuff. I'll be stealing fragments of this for sure.

    1. Like, I've always wanted to have more marriage in my games. Marriage cult makes about as much sense as any other sort of cult.

      "Demon drinking tavern into bankruptcy; please make him go away." is good.