THE TROUSERS OF TIME HAVE SPLIT AGAIN
- Aleister Crowley successfully summons his guardian angel at Boleskine House; it immediately reduces him to constituent atoms and irradiates over a hundred square kilometers of Scottish countryside by presence alone.
- A confederation of eastern hunter-gatherers and surviving neanderthal tribes successfully blocks Yamnaya migration into Europe.
- Brief but peaceful contact is made with a team of alien academic observers in Australia c. ~14,000 BCE.
- The excavation of Troy is handed off to literally anyone besides Heinrich Schliemann.
- Five volumes of Emperor Claudius’ Tyrrhenika are discovered in a Lombard monastery, April 1378.
- H.P. Lovecraft is drafted into the US army and dies on March 29, 1918 during the Battle of St. Quentin.
- The Indian Plate migrates slower than in baseline, and has not yet collided with Asia by the time humans evolve.
- Basque sailors discover a chain of islands west of the Azores in the early 1400s, which is swiftly called Atlantis by continental scholars.
- Some absolute mad bastard of a Soviet linguist spends 40 years documenting Siberian languages in exhaustive detail, providing much firmer support for the Dene-Yeneseian hypothesis.
- An anonymous Spanish clergyman, by some miracle of conscience, squirrels away 15 Maya codices that remain untouched until 1954.
- A relatively small and relatively slow meteor hits the northern Atlantic Ocean in 1701, causing relatively catastrophic tsunamis.
- Catherine Eddows fends off her attacker in the early morning of September 30th 1888, fracturing his skull, collarbone, and three vertebrae with a brick in a stocking; “Jack the Ripper” is found dead later that day.
- A few clades of trilobites make the jump to land and/or freshwater and survive to the present day.
- OH JESUS CHRIST SEA SCORPIONS NEVER WENT EXTINCT EITHER
- Han dynasty scholars mostly-accurately reconstruct several dinosaur species.
- Jimmy Hoffa’s body is found in 1990, having been stuffed inside the freezer of a Wendy’s franchise in Jersey City.
- The Rosetta Stone is never lost.
- The United States forgoes the use of nuclear weapons on Japan.
- The 1998 Copyright Extension Act fails to pass.
- Pre-Socratic philosophers devise a preliminary germ theory as an offshoot of atomism, where sickness is caused by harmful atoms entering the body.
- Percival Lowell doesn’t jump to conclusions.
- Mongol invasion of Japan finds initial but unsustainable success.
- Alexander the Modestly Accomplished dies to an errant slingstone in 330 BC, toppling his Persian campaign.
- Early church fathers are somehow persuaded to approve the practice of same-sex unions, on the grounds that it’s technically not called a marriage and the participants definitely promised to remain celibate.
- Queen Victoria dies of tuberculosis in 1839.
- Star Wars isn’t saved in the editing room, and achieves only modest success; its sequel, Splinter of the Mind’s Eye, flops hard enough to shutter the franchise.
- Tolkien ends up finishing and publishing that sequel novel to LotR.
- Constantinople remains Constantinople, and does not become Istanbul.
- Old New York remains New Amsterdam, and does not become New York.
- Henry VIII decides it’s easier to just institute inheritance by adoption.
- CPR invented by Abbasid physicians c. 900.
- The Wars of the Three Kingdoms fail to establish the Commonwealth; Ireland and Scotland remain independent.
- Someone slightly to moderately less bigoted than Joseph Campbell serves as early science fiction’s tastemaker.
- Christianity flounders in the Mediterranean and survives primarily in central Asia and India.
- Sino-Soviet split never occurs.
- Monotremes make up ~1/4 of all mammal species on Earth.
- Alien transmissions are detected nearly as soon as radio telescopy is introduced.
- Major eruption of the Yellowstone hotspot in 1803.
- Hawaii remains an independent kingdom.
- Publication of Malleus Maleficarum is banned by the Church.
- Elder Thing arcology detected during Artemis II lunar flyby.
- USAF pursues 2003 “Rods from God” satellite weapons program.
- A semi-successful IAL takes off through connections to the various early 20th century New Age movements.
- Piltdown Man is immediately clocked as a hoax and gains minimal publicity.
- Robert E. Howard dies of a stroke in 1982.
- A series of mass shooting in the 1970s lead to a semblance of American gun control laws.
- Common Brittonic isn’t displaced by Old English.
- Augustine of Hippo remains a Manichaean.
- Penicillin is discovered decades later.
- Hokkaido maintains independence.
Or all of them at once, as usual.
It's been long enough since the last one that I had several I needed to cut for just being reworded repeats.
ReplyDeleteThe Soviet Polyus spacecraft successfully deploys.
ReplyDeleteDavid Lynch doesn't get a headache that day, is in a good mood, agrees to direct Return of the Jedi.
Cornwall gets a devolved government alongside Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland.
Slobodan Milosevic comes down with a bad case of food poisoning, can't go to Kosovo to address Serb ethnic tensions, Dragisa Pavlovic is sent in his place.
Kangaroos are sapient by the time Europeans find Australia.