Monday, November 4, 2019

7d8 Road-Weary Wanderers

This post originally went up on Patreon in July.

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d8 Mendicants


  1. Fox-masked relic-seller, muddy shovel over one shoulder.
  2. Desiccated monk, fasting to death, accompanied by the woman pregnant with their reincarnation.
  3. Flagellant pilgrim of the centipede god.
  4. Holy fool in motley, hunting another whose gone bad.
  5. Wandering carnifex-priest. Executioner-for-hire low on work.
  6. Woodsy mystic, catching crayfish in the creek.
  7. Radium Priest of the Exclusion Zone. Scarred from viewing the Elephant’s Foot.
  8. An ordinary farmer, host to billions of mitochondrial Star-Gods.

d8 Rogues


  1. Travelling ukiyo-e painter and pornography salesperson.
  2. Second-story man and their beloved, greying pug.
  3. Repairer of reputations, book of receipts under their arm.
  4. Organlegger, off to make a repossession. Enjoys giving forewarning.
  5. The fall-guy. An expert in taking the blame, might have a complex about it.
  6. Drop-bear trainer, recently mauled and looking for a career change.
  7. Fake wizard. Does birthday parties, weddings, and the occasional funeral.
  8. Assassin of the Mosquito School. Immaculate black suit beaded with fresh red drops.

d8 Fighters


  1. Escaped professional gladiator and chamber-choir singer.
  2. Bearhide-wearing hillfolk warrior. University educated, came back home.
  3. Subterrene guerilla from down below. Clearly a deserter.
  4. Minuteman of the Biting Wind Company
  5. Lancer of the Serpent Riders, bearing the shed-skin banner of Nidhogg
  6. Iron-Masked shock trooper, fresh from the penal colonies.
  7. A dragonfly knight, servant of those lady loves Justice and Violence.
  8. To prove their bravery, their armor has a glaring, brightly-painting weak point.

d8 Magic-Users


  1. Keeper of carnivorous books, absolutely loves their work.
  2. Does birthday parties, competes with the fake wizard on table 2.
  3. Wannabe demonologist, in it mostly to get groupies.
  4. Personal arcane investment accountant. Dreams have been dead for 25 years.
  5. Nudist. Not nearly as unfit for it as one would expect.
  6. Mosaic rune-reader. Divination doesn’t pay well, so does romance novels as a side hustle.
  7. Hierophant of the Sturgeons. Undergoing crisis of faith.
  8. Trepanned Astrologer, currently on their third brain.

d8 Elves


  1. Garbed as an orchid mantis.
  2. Cinderlike skin, burning coal eyes.
  3. Lives inside a toad, looking for a housemate.
  4. Sheds skin like leaves. Unbreakable melancholy of the pleasant kind.
  5. Looks like an ordinary human, held upright on strings.
  6. Hammerhead. Vestments of defrocked priest.
  7. A little tree in a clay pot, carried around by a mindless servant.
  8. A shadow in a bank of cloud.

d8 Dwarves


  1. Humpbacked maggotman.
  2. Lives in a giant oyster shell surrounded by pearl-children.
  3. Carved out of jade.
  4. A very small orangutan. Constantly tinkering.
  5. A boulder with a bearded face engraved upon it. Gives sage advice.
  6. A hairy blob, oozing along the ground. Always hungry.
  7. Has smaller dwarves nested inside it, is looking for its bigger shell.
  8. Molten slag, vaguely man-shaped.

d8 Halflings


  1. Feral children that never grew up.
  2. Badger-folk bringing turnips to market.
  3. Carried around via stork.
  4. An ancient domestic droid.
  5. Horde of squirrels pretending to be a person.
  6. Roly-poly armored patroller. Comes with banner and fun songs about nature.
  7. Long, beautiful quilted scarf. Weapons sewn in hidden pockets.
  8. Riding a pet pygmy elephant.

7 comments:

  1. I should do more random tables, production has really dropped off of late.

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  2. I would totally use this for a super bizarre setting where you could meet conceivably anything

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    Replies
    1. Dammit, it's a fine fit for TROIKA innit?

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  3. I approve of the weird-ification of the little people

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  4. I love Seven for Dwarves just for the fact it makes them into a Russian Nesting Doll.

    I also read seven for Elves and Halfings as them actually being The little trees and scarves.

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    Replies
    1. The scarf is ambiguously worded, but the tree is actually the elf.

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