The Road to Pandemonium (+ A Bonus Poem)

 

Carl Ludwig Beutler

I had floated the idea of a pilgrimage hellcrawl using Ultraviolet Grasslands some months ago.

The good news is that this is that post.

The bad news is that this post is unnecessary. UVG in its default state requires so little actual modification for a proper hellcrawl. Just minor changes in aesthetic and name. My original plan of having lists of find and replace terms is undone by the sheer amount of material that does not need anything changed at all.

But, people want the post, so the post they shall have.

Phlox of Whose Measure God Could Not Take beat me to it.

This Hell is not the Hell I have written of before.

The Climate of Hell

The infernal regions are dominated by two primary biomes.

The Highlands are frigid desert plateaus, stripped nearly bare by biting winds and oxygen deprivation. A few hardy species can cling to life up here, but even then it is mostly razor-edged bone grass. The Highlands are the only source of clean water in hell (though it still has a strong sulfuric taste), and those oasis springs are the only way of surviving long-term in the region.

The Lowlands are unbearably hot, humid, and muggy. They are choked with fungal forests, corpse-mud fields, and dark, slow-flowing rivers. The air is heavy with spores and the omnipresent smell of rot. Here is where the bulk of the population of Hell is found. Life overflows here, and all of it in some way is dangerous.

The soil of Hell is scab-red and chalky, though in regions of great erosion bands of white, purple, orange, dun, and deep brown can be seen. It can harden into the consistency of concrete if water is added and it is swiftly baked dry. Close inspection will reveal fragments of compressed bone throughout; particularly dense deposits of the damned will be compressed into opalescent soulcoal.

The water of Hell is dark and thick with scum. A greasy sheen lies atop it, no matter how many times it is boiled or filtered. Even in its drinkable states, it is unpleasant, and bears an overwhelming taste of sulfur.

The sky of Hell is an angry red bruise, lit by the artificial sun Ixion. The black clouds grow thicker and last longer into the day as one approaches the Black City. When the clouds clear, it is possible to glimpses the corpses of angels, fallen and lawful alike, hanging in the emptiness between the crystal spheres.

The Peoples of Hell

Humans from Nations Beyond

Hell is, technically, unclaimed territory in these days. Nations of the outside world send their armies and agents into Hell, prospectors attempting to make it rich, the desperate come in droves for there is nowhere else to go.

Humans damned to Hell 

There aren't many any more. The last damnation was long ago, and those who bear the yoke will, in due time, grow so old and slow and still that they will cease animation entirely and sink into the ground to be compressed into soulcoal.

Humans born in Hell

Not much different from humans from nations beyond, save for their cracked grey skin and ember-colored eyes.

Parahumans

Exposure to Hell's environmental magics can lead to drastic changes in form and mind if one invites in the local powers. The most common ones are those inhabited by multiple demons working together as a sort of collective-mind.

Vomes

The original inhabitants of Hell, before the angels cast from heaven came.

Demons

An incredibly indirect term. Can be used interchangeably between actual fallen angels (rare), vomes (inaccurate) or the malicious spirits of the dead (probably the most accurate).

The Pilgrimage

There is a black sea where the corpses of the fallen angels rest. On a spur of rock jutting out over that depthless water, there is a tiny chapel of Our Lady. It is the sole place of true rest in all of Hell, the one place of respite and deliverance from the weight of the world. But the way out is through. To reach that sanctuary, one must journey to the very center/end of the world - The Black City of Pandemonium.

Pilgrims will start in the city of Pilgrim's Progress, in the east of Hell along the coast of the Basin of Dis. The climate is mild enough here, the wall thick enough and the cats vigilant enough, to maintain a city-state of some size, though it is as far away from Pandemonium as it is possible to be. Some semblance of life as it was before Hell is possible here.

Once pilgrims pass through the Wicket Gate just outside the city, they can truly say that they have begun their journey.

From here, the hack is primarily a matter of find and replace names and aesthetics as you see fit.

The Pilgrims

1. The Knight  - Scarred veteran of the Order of St. Lazarus.
2. The Squire - The Knight's son. Head-in-the-clouds idealism.
   
3. The Yeoman - Laconic hunter in the Knight's employ. Addicted to 4-Thieves Vinegar.
   
4. The Prioress - A commanding figure. Romantically connected with the Friar. Pregnant.
   
5. The Nun - Assistant to the Prioress. Niece of the Priest. Tired of being pushed around.
   
6. The Priest - From the far north; a foreigner twice over in Hell. Uncle of the Nun.
   
7. The Friar - Romantically connected with the Prioress. Knows what lies ahead.
8. The Merchant - On the run from a past they will not elaborate upon.
   
9. The Florentine - A neurotic poet of dreamlands and phantasms.
   
10. The Sergeant at Arms - Eyepatch. Cigar. 3 bars and a crown on the sleeve.
    
11. The Canon - An ordinary church bureaucrat, a dabbling alchemist and occultist.
12. The Physician - From far away, taught by books most scholars thought lost.
    
13. The Maid - Instructed by angels to pick up a sword.
    
14. The Cook - Shady, shady fellow. Best not ask where meat comes from, in Hell.
    
15. The Wife of Bath - Four ex-husbands, on the hunt for a fifth.
    
16. The Miller - A large, crude individual, more clever than he lets on.
    
17. Hanged Man - Killed three priests, escaped three nooses.
    
18. Ratcatcher - Wherever there is plague or hunger, a ratcatcher's services are always is demand.
    
19. Summoner - Laughably corrupt and obnoxious. Court summon, demon summons, package deal.
    
20. Confessor - Exorcist and investigator. Dour. Silent. Waiting for someone.

Bonus Poem

Included because it is tonally relevant. No title that I could find, would have been initially written in 2014 for an assignment. Original version lost, though I don't think edits were made to the copy and the only changes I made from that to this are restructuring one line and replacing another. I know the assignment involved writing something using lines from other sources but I'd be damned if I can recall which ones I picked.

**

Fairest flower of gloomy Dis

in a gown of phoenix feathers

putting gunpowder in her tea

sitting on blue weirwood steps

on a slum-town stoop

watching the doughboys clean up the river

    of sludge that flows through the Cut

        where the barnacles and bonebriars and firelillies

            and flesh-bulb trees

        crowd around clap-board shacks and

        squat brick shithouses and

        canopies of shed-armor from the backs of

        warbeasts.

It is today that she polished her horns and

    painted herself red-on-grey

        and put a lily in her hair

            as the doughboys clean up the river

                that flows through the Cut,

    though the fumes would burn through their lungs

    if they ever took off their masks

        so even if they might be good men

        a long way from home

        she has never seen their faces

        though they always take time to wave as

        they pass by on their way to clean up the river

            that flows through the Cut.

**

Banner Saga in the OSR

The Banner Saga is one of the most solidly-OSR video games out there, so in honor of its recent conclusion, here's all you might need to run it.

Class: Mender

Men and women who show aptitude in pulling upon the threads of creation are taken in by the order of Menders and sent out across the world to build and heal.

HD and Saves: As cleric
Weapons and Armor: Light armor and simple weapons

Mend: Menders may repair [level] damaged objects per day.

Herb Lore: Menders are trained in herb lore and healing arts.

A Welcome Sight: Menders gain +1 to reaction rolls among common folk

LeKsoTiger

Class: Valka

The highest and most powerful of the menders are the valka, who sit in council at Manaharr and watch the world unfold around them. Men of their number often go mad from minds over-driven.

HD: As cleric
Saves: As magic-user

Weapons and Armor: Light armor, simple weapons, spears

Herb Lore: Valka are trained in herb lore and healing arts.

Wielders of Power: Men or varl who would willingly and openly cross a valka are tremendously driven or immensely stupid. Wielders of political power are inclined to dislike your interference, and undermine accordingly. 

Loom-Mother's Gift: The valka are masters at pulling upon the threads that weave together creation. They may use their powers [level] times per day safely, as per VAM rules. Beyond this limit, they mus Save vs Magic or risk unraveling (roll on your favorite spell backfire table)

Valka begin with two powers on the following list, randomly rolled. Each time they level up, they may gain another (re-roll duplicates)

1. Mend  - Repair a damaged object or small structural damage.
2. Arc Lightning - Does 1d6 damage to target, 2d6 to adjacent target, 3d6 to the next, etc.
3. Troll Stones - Tears monoliths from the ground
4. Confusion - Enemy must pass save or attack its fellows this turn.
5. Inspiration - Target gains 1 reroll.
   
6. Ride the Lightning - Shoots forward in 50' straight line, automatic melee attack, then return.
   
7. Mend Flesh -  Heals target 1d6+lvl HP.
   
8. Breeze - Target may move double their speed for one turn.
   
9. Runic Gale - 10' circle grants all who step inside a +1 to all rolls their next turn.
   
10. Choose one

LeKsoTiger

Class: Varl

Horned giants created by the god Hadrborg; now a dying race, as no more will ever be made.

HD and Saves: As dwarf

Weapons and Armor:  

• Cannot use minor or small weapons
• Cannot wear heavy armor.
• To-hit as fighter.

Of Our Bones, the Hills: Varl add + 1 to their STR and CON modifiers.

Shoulders Most Broad: Varl may carry twice as much equipment before becoming encumbered. They may carry 2 Sacks during long-distance travel.

It's the Beard: Varl are all male, cannot reproduce, and show no interest in related fields.

Fear of Fire: A successful WIS save is required to come close to or interact with fire. Otherwise, varl will avoid it as a priority.

Canary; full name, Cainánóiridhe

Class: Horseborn

Half-man-half-horse beings from the southern plains of Dalalond. Their relationship with the northerners is strained, for the horseborn are responsible for the killing of all horses in the world. (Use Welsh for their names)

HD and Saves: as fighter

Weapons and Armor:  

• Can only wear light armor, specially made.
• Proficient in flails, spears, and lances.
• To-hit as fighter.

Freedom of Movement: Horseborn move and carry as ponies, being smaller than normal horses. They have no love for cities, buildings, and walls. Underground is right out.

Like a Kick in the Head: Horseborn may make a 1d8 melee attack to an adjacent enemy. On a hit, the target must make a successful Save vs Paralysis or be stunned for 1d3 turns.

Pins and Poisons: Horseborn may 1) tip their spears in poison (1d4 damage for 3 turns, does not stack) or 2) pin an enemy in position with a crippling shot (enemy reduced to 5 movement)

Couldn't confirm who made this :/

Class: Dredge

Created by a bitter and nameless god to wage war against the rest, the dredge are the silent hordes that come up from beneath the earth and down from the north wastes of Valkajokull.

HD and Saves: as fighter
Weapons and Armor:  See below. To-hit as fighter.

Stone Speech: Dredge speech is akin to the tones of a tuning fork. Menders may learn to understand their language, and may speak it with the aid of an appropriately-tuned staff. Dredge can understand the language of men and varl, but cannot speak it.

The Great Enemy: Men and varl (especially the latter) view you as an enemy. Hostility is guaranteed, violence likely.

Special Equipment:

• Armor: Dredge armor is an extension of their stony skin. They cannot wear any additional armor atop it, but may use shields. A dredge may elect to shatter their armor to absorb 1d12 damage from a single physical attack. They will take -2 to AC for each time the armor has been shattered, which cannot be repaired without the aid of a mender, stonesinger, or two days' work by a trained stonemason. Anyone adjacent to the dredge when armor is shattered takes d4 damage + 1 bleeding damage for d4 turns.
  
• Weapons: Dredge weapons are made of stone. On an attack roll of 1, the weapon will shatter, dealing d4 damage, + 1 bleeding damage for d4 turns.

Template: Choose one of the following archetypes.

Stoneguard

• AC as plate
• Carries a shield and warhammer (d10)
• Can wield great weapons in one hand.

Slinger

• AC as chain
• Sling does 1d6 damage.
• Shatterstones (explode on the next turn, 1d6 to adjacent enemies, d6 ammo die) 
• For -2 penalty to hit, can stun enemy for 1 turn with a successful attack.

Stonesinger

• AC as leather
• Carries two stone blades (d8) that may be struck together to cast spells.
• Disease strike - A successful hit does an additional 1/turn to living targets, non-stacking.
• May cast the following [level] times per day. 
• Can mend shattered armor and weapons, or other broken objects.
• Rupture - Enemies within hearing distance take 1d6 + lvl damage. All dredge armor in range shatters in addition to the damage.
• Umbrage - All nearby allies lose -2 AC from damaged armor, but gain +2 to hit and +2 damage until the end of combat. Dredge armor shatters.

Gods

The gods are dead, their powers have faded from the world. There was never an organized religion, and now few people hold onto any of the old traditions at all.

Each god has a god-stone somewhere in the world, engraved with their likeness. They are notable landmarks, and gathering places for the few remaining faithful.

1. Loom-Mother - Creator of the world and of humanity, teacher of magic.
2. Dundyr - Loom-Mother's counterpart, god of beards, smithing, games, and song.
3. Hridvaldyr - God of beasts and hunting, of the deep forests. Weilder of a terrible spear.
4. Denglr - God of fortune and wealth, all things desired that one cannot have.
5. Radormyr - God of the harvest, depicted as a great serpent that lives within the sun.
6. Marek - God of waters and the sea, depicted as a vast aquatic beast.
7. Hadrborg - Disciple of the Loom-Mother that created the Varl.
8. Ingrid - Through her godstone, the menders learned the language and history of the gods.
9. Bjorulf - God of mead and brewing. Very popular, despite his stern countenance.
10. Stravhs - God of secrets and trade. Built weapons the gods used to kill each other.
11. Aselei - Goddess of all those traveling unfamiliar lands, of what lies beyond the riverbend.
12. Irynx - The Winter Bird.
13. Baldringr - A god of war, shunned by the varl for reasons they will not say.
14. Vez'nan - God of a lost, subterreanean people. Gained the greatest power by forsaking all.
15. Geirraðr - God of wise council and direction, off invention and good decisions.
16. Bygglaerer - The Builder, who formed the cavernous foundations of the world.
17. Lauga - Goddess of love, beauty, and things that happen in the night.
18. Dredge - The dredge  raised a godstone in their own image. Their creator goes unnamed.

Playing the Saga

Luka Rejec's Ultraviolet Grasslands covers everything one would need to run the travel portions of the Saga. Simply replace the points of interest with locations from the game (or suitable equivalents) and play with the final goal being reaching Arberrang (or, for UVG, The Black City). Besides that, the following points should be helpful.

• There is a darkness in the north, and the dredge are pushing south. We don't know why.
• Fighters and specialists are as usual.
• Clerics and magic-users are replaced by Menders and the Valka. 
• There are neither horses nor plate armor. You do have yox, which are yak + ox.
• Most strange creatures come from underground.
• A single valka is significant. More than one is a status-quo-breaking proposition.
• Among 100 refugees, there may be one or two menders.
• You must keep moving. The dredge will not stop and wait.