Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 26, 2026

Dan Plays Games 11

Index 

The Apothecary of Trubiz

A cute little three-dollar cipher-puzzle game that’s three dollars worth of puzzles.

TR-49

Research and deduction games are taking off as a genre, and this one’s a solid entry into the roster. You’re given a computer terminal and the task of finding and identifying one specific book in the database, and it sends you right down the rabbithole of an alternate literary history. There are a solid number of aha moments, I never felt like the path forward was too obtuse to stump me for long, and I was able to 100% it in a reasonable 7 hours. Nice and satisfying.

Scarlet Hollow (Episode 5 update)

I can’t remember if I’ve written about Scarlet Hollow in this series before, so here’s the precis just in case I haven’t: Slay the Princess devs, southern gothic horror VN, it’s fuckin’ good. Unicorn Meat is probably happening the next holler over.

Where Slay the Princess is a line diverging into a fractal, Scarlet Hollow is a bowl of recursive spaghetti. Events connect to each other in unexpected ways, older episodes are called back to, choices you made hours or episodes ago can compound in ways you never saw coming. Moments with a clearly-signposted binary choice will often lead directly into a second similar choice, or add a third option because of something you did two episodes prior.

Playing through on both my old save and a new one from the beginning (as a refresher) was an excellent choice. If you’re not patient enough to wait for the final story update, it’s a great excuse to play it twice and make different choices.


Hell is Us (update)

Having now finished the game, I can say that it’s mostly solid, succeeds at most of the things it set out to do, and is let down by the most “we ran out of money and / or time” third act I’ve seen in a long, long time. Honestly, calling it a third act borders on falsehood: it’s a hallway, a large room, four elite enemies, four switches and a cutscene. The narrative ties itself off in a burst of action movie shlock that poorly suits the story that’s been woven together so far. I can’t say that it ruins the game, because it feels so disjointed from the previous ~27 hours that it doesn’t feel like it’s part of the game.

Removing Act 3 from the equation, there are still some pretty substantial issues: after nearly 30 hours the fights do become pretty tedious from the woefully limited enemy variety, and upping the difficulty doesn’t really stop you from being able to face-tank your way through the game. The plot of act 2 spins its wheels a bit and fizzles out after a while, losing the strength of the opening hours and becoming more median video-gamey, and the attempts at deep lore only really get to shallow depths.

Still: on the whole the game was engaging, and I played through till I hit credits. It won’t go down as a favorite of all time, but it was worth the playing and I hope it inspires some people to make something like it. 

Dorfromantik

Hoo buddy this is a dangerous one in terms of the feel-good brain chemicals. I can easily lose hours in it, even when the gameplay solely consists of rotating hexes so their edges match. Pattern-Seeking Brain is pleased; Time-Management Brain is horrified.

The Seance of Blake Manor

An extremely Irish sleuth-em-up with great visual style. You’ve been summoned to a manor-turned-hotel in western Ireland, to find a missing attendee of a multi-day seance. Everything you investigate ticks time a minute forward, and you have to juggle everyone’s schedules along with your own. The cast is a wonderful gamut of folks you’d find in a Call of Cthulhu module; everyone has their own plot, sometimes connected to each other, sometimes not. It feels excellent to make a breakthrough and have a new crop of clues pour in, especially if you stumble on it by chance while exploring.

While the mystery itself isn’t going to change on repeat plays, there’s enough stuff in the game that I think it’ll be worth a second run-through to clean up things you’ve missed.

Lingo 2

Never played Antichamber but it’s got the same sort of hyperminimalist visual vibe and obtuse puzzles. You’re running around collecting letters, and then plugging those letters into consoles scattered around the world. Each console has a word, you need to transform it into another word, but you also need to decode the function you need to use (since the transform commands are all clusters of symbols).

There’s often a lack of feedback when you solve a puzzle - you get a tone and the console turns green, but it’s not always clear what has changed in the world when you do so.

Sol Cesto

I was sold on this just from the visuals, and was not disappointed. “Weird” is accurate but insufficient. “Fever-dream (positive)” is closer, but still feels somewhat reductive.

The sun is gone, and you need to get to the bottom of the dungeon to find it. Each layer in the dungeon is a 4 x 4 grid of squares filled with monsters, treasure, & traps; you select the row, but the exact square you land on is random, and the crux of the game is a combination of pushing your luck and managing the odds of getting a given square type.

Once you really get a hang of it you can break the game wide open, which I think is nice; it’s not a forever game. It also manages to sidestep the issue of running out of metaprogression unlocks before beating the game; you use the same currency to buy progression unlocks and in-run items (sending coins back up to the surface via a bucket on a rope), so once you have nothing left to unlock you don’t have to worry about saving for the next bucket room or sending part of your winnings back home; you can spend it all on items, which is secretly the best upgrade in the game.

Scriptorium

A paper-doll style art studio featuring the best weird little guys medieval marginalia can provide. Comes with a sandbox mode where you can just do whatever you want, and a campaign where you fulfill requests for clients and gradually increase your library of sketches. It’s a wonderful time, definitely has RPG applications.

Blue Prince

Late to the game, but I’ve been mostly unspoiled - (having forgotten most of what I glimpsed my partner do when she played it last year). I’ve hit credits, gotten 4 trophies, and begun digging into the deeper puzzles. So far I’ve managed to squeeze out a little progress every run, even if it’s just checking out a new room or finding one minor clue or something like that, but even then the spectre of getting repeatedly fucked over by RNG remains a consistent threat and I can already feel the frustration setting in on occasion. Half the game is puzzle solving, the other half is mitigating the game fucking you over, and your enjoyment will be contingent on how well you can mitigate that. So far I’ve found having multiple goals is the best defense, but that's just a defense, not a solution to the tension. I legitimately don't know if this game should be a roguelike - being a roguelike certainly was part of what elevated it to popularity, but I don't know if the roguelike elements are good for the game, exactly. But they're not exactly wholly bad either, I like the sense of increasing familiarity you get with the manor and its systems so shrug.

I have, by my count so far, cheated on four puzzles, one of which I absolutely would never have gotten on my own and one that I probably could have gotten only after a massive flaming crash out. take that for what you will.

 

Gameable Material Section

Steps = Exploration Turns

There's no reason to count exact time when you're already counting turns.

In OSE, an 8-hour day is 48 exploration turns and costs 2 flasks of oil. Erase the "8-hour day", no more hours, hours are fake. (Not bumping it up to 50, because 48 is divisible by 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 12 and 16. Easy clocks.)

Each step (exploration turn) = 1 new room. Going through a room you've already been in is 1/2 a Step, going through it a third time reduces it to 0 (stopping to re-examine costs a full Step).

If you run out of Steps, you need to make camp and rest or you'll start taking penalties to everything from exhaustion.

Combat encounters count as 1 Step. Not because they take long, but because they exhaust you. 

A party member can avoid getting hit in combat at the expense of Steps (probably according to hit dice of enemy? Unsure)

Certain interactions (room mechanisms, sickness, magical effects) can decrease Steps; potions and some rare magical items can increase Steps.

You can pay a Step to secure a location from ambush. 

Doubtlessly there are other applications. 

 




Sunday, May 24, 2026

Dan Plays Games Index

Micro-reviews of video games I've played.

Last updated 05/26/2026

** 

Dan Plays Games 1 (03/14/2022)

  • Psychonauts
  • Gris
  • Scourgebringer
  • Little Nightmares
  • Bloodstained Ritual of the Night
  • Lobotomy Corporation
  • Remnant: From the Ashes
  • Kingdom: Two Crowns
  • SUPERHOT
  • Cross Code
  • Horizon: Forbidden West

Gamepost Special: Elden Ring (07/04/2022)

Dan Plays Games 2 (05/04/2023)

  • Warframe
  • Sundered
  • Roadwarden
  • Spiritfarer
  • Vigil: Longest Night
  • Blasphemous
  • Chained Echoes

Gamepost Special: Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom (06/05/2023) 

Gamepost Special: Fear and Hunger 2 (02/26/2024) 

Dan Plays Games 3 (03/26/2024)

  • Balatro
  • Symphony of War: the Nephilim Saga
  • Limbus Company
  • 20 Minutes Till Dawn
  • Chants of Sennar
  • Path of Achra
  • Otxo
  • The Dungeon Beneath
  • Blasphemous 2
  • Wildermyth
  • The Forgotten City
  • Grime
  • The Fermi Paradox
  • Book of Hours
  • Roboquest
  • Moonring
  • Brutal Orchestra
  • Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood 

Dan Plays Games 4 (07/27/2024)

  • Black Mesa
  • Darkest Dungeon 2
  • Coromon
  • Civilization 6
  • Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree
  • Void Stranger
  • Quester
  • Baldur's Gate 3 

Dan Plays Games 5 (12/05/2024)

  • Tactical Breach Wizards
  • The Pathless
  • Potioncraft: Alchemist Simulator
  • Halo CE (MCC)
  • Halo 4 (MCC, Spartan Ops only)
  • Terra Nil
  • Vampire Survivors (replay + Castlevania DLC)
  • Potionomics

Dan Plays Games 6 (03/01/2025)

  • Buckshot Roulette
  • Epigraph
  • Mouthwashing
  • Katana Zero
  • Selaco
  • Shadows of Doubt
  • Quester | Osaka
  • ABI-DOS
  • Gods vs Horrors (demo)
  • The Roottrees are Dead
  • Caves of Qud
  • UFO50
  • Rift of the Necrodancer
  • Sorry, We're Closed 

Dan Plays Games 7 (05/22/2025)

  • Pyrene
  • Pokerogue
  • Spiritfarer (follow-up)
  • Path of Achra (follow-up)
  • Sorry, We're Closed (follow-up) 
  • Ender Magnolia
  • Time Wasters
  • ENA: Dream BBQ
  • Gods vs Horrors (release build)
  • Slay the Princess
  • Promise Mascot Agency

Dan Plays Games 8 (08/14/2025)

  • Elden Ring: Nightreign
  • Odallus: The Dark Call
  • One Finger Death Punch
  • Rift of the Necrodancer (follow-up)
  • Binding of Isaac: Repentance
  • Date Everything 

Gamepost Special: Expedition 33 (09/15/2025) 

Dan Plays Games 9 (11/25/2025)

  • Date Everything (follow-up)
  • Islanders: New Shores
  • Silksong
  • Hades 2
  • Binding of Isaac: Repentance (follow-up)
  • Decktamer
  • Hell is Us
  • Peak
  • Picto Quest: The Cursed Grids 

Dan Plays Games 10 (01/24/2026)

  •  Forward Escape the Fold
  • Asbury Pines
  • Dungeon Encounters
  • Nuclear Throne (10 year replay)
  • Ye Guild Clerk
  • Neon White
  • Stackflow
  • Monsters are Coming!: Rock and Road
  • Uncle Chop's Rocket Shop 

Dan Plays Games 11 (05/26/2026)

  • The Apothecary of Trubiz
  • TR-49
  • Scarlet Hollow (Episode 5 update)
  • Hell is Us (follow-up)
  • Dorfromantik 
  • The Seance of Blake Manor
  • Lingo 2
  • Sol Cesto
  • Scriptorium
  • Blue Prince 

 

Saturday, January 24, 2026

Dan Plays Games 10

I really need to make an index for these. 

 

Forward Escape the Fold

Previous game of the Pyrene devs. A simple roguelite where you have a 3-wide column of cards laid out in each level full of monsters / items / potions / etc, but you can only ever move forward (straight or diagonal). The art is nice, but doesn’t feel like it has a particularly strong identity beyond a light dusting of vibes (Pyrene does much better in this regard.). While enjoyable to play for a few rounds, the gameplay loop and lightweight progression system didn't really grip me.



Asbury Pines

Idle game with a generations-spanning murder mystery plot at the center. I normally stay away from idle games because they play like hell with my ADHD (this one did too, but it seems some later patches have addressed this), but the narrative focus on this one got me to check it out and I was pleased with the experience. Being able to follow characters for decades and then having to spend time with them because of the nature of the idle elements was really effective at getting me attached to the cast. I wanted to see things turn out well, but then so-and-so dies for stupid or tragic or avoidable reasons and time keeps on going. I think the final arc and ending were a bit weak, but I was still invested even then. It does an extremely good job of letting the time scales sink in, where you will find yourself thinking of characters you liked generations or even centuries ago but never really in a way where you resent their absence, since the current batch of characters give you equal insight into the trials and tribulations of their lives.

Also, despite being an idle game murder mystery, there are Civ-style tech trees for civic, religious, and scientific advancement, and religion unlock #2 is "giant ground sloth cult" - a thing that has no concrete archaeological evidence for its existence (to my knowledge), but has non-zero odds of having existed. Do with that what you will.



Dungeon Encounters

A sort of minimum-viable dungeoncrawler, stripped down to the absolute bare bones - I don’t think that’s a good thing.

There’s no real story outside of a couple short paragraphs for each party member; your characters’ only stats are HP and equipment points; Special abilities are unlocked and applied on the party level, so character builds or specializations don’t really exist; there are no battle items and none plus one (max health boost) outside of fights; the only variables in weapons or magic are 1-target vs multi-target, set damage vs random damage, and if it can hit flying enemies or not; the dungeon has basically no interactivity besides some hidden treasures; equipment drops from enemies are extremely rare; there is no auto-explore function despite the dungeon being mostly empty, featureless hallways; there is supposedly some way to speed up the battles but I was unable to find it; the default keyboard controls are never-before-witnessed levels of unintuitive.

The end result of the experiment is primarily tedium. There are threats that can wipe you easily in ways that seem unfair compared to other games (a thief enemy can put you into massive debt if you get hit), but there are likewise easy ways to completely negate those threats (I got a passive skill early on that just gives my party total immunity to poison). There are multiple enemy abilities that can just remove a character from your party if they hit, and you’re stuck on a tedious journey to get them back or find a replacement. Movement abilities plus being able to identify what monsters are in an encounter before the fight starts mean that by the time you hit dungeon level 25 you can avoid basically all the tough fights if you want to. If you party wipe, you have to start with level 1 characters and can’t even use the good loot you’ve unlocked and have to grind out THE ENTIRE THING AGAIN. 

The best quality it possesses is, in some moments, you can play it on autopilot and not think about it, and if that’s what you’re after I’m certain there are much better games to scratch the itch.



Nuclear Throne

Picked it back up after many years away, thanks to the recent 10 year anniversary patch. I’m still absolutely terrible at the game - like truly, remarkably dogshit at it - but it's still got the sauce. I’d call it one of the perfect games; nothing needs added, nothing needs removed. The machine gun thumps like a bass drum and it just feels good to play.



Ye Guild Clerk

Short freebie, you play as a clerk for an adventuring guild, giving people missions and seeing how that works out for them. Takes maybe half an hour to complete, though all the adventurers can end the game positive or negative with you so there’s a replay in there if you dig it. I can easily imagine an expanded version.



Neon White

GOTTA. GO. FAST. 

It doesn’t matter one bit if you don’t care about the mid/late-aughts Deviantart-core narrative or are super-duper competitive with the speedrunning element: there’s a skip button and the progression gates are easily overcome. There are character-based bonus levels you can unlock but again, skip button means you can get right to the challenges if you don't care about the characters.

The difficulty of normal levels is self-imposed (how fast do you want to get?), which I think is an extremely good way of designing things. Also the soundtrack slaps.


Stackflow

Balatro, if it was Tetris. Still in early access but even with the small amount of content (and no metaprogression) I found myself playing and enjoying quite a bit. Tetris is Tetris and it’s difficult to go wrong with Tetris, and even with the limited number of special blocks and perks in the game at time of writing, it's still enough to keep me engaged for a solid amount of time. I do think it needs a good chunk more content to hang on for the long haul vs the many options for standard Tetris out there, though. The most recent update (0.10) came out between when I started and finished this review; while not particularly big, it is a step in the right direction. 

 

Monsters are Coming!: Rock and Road

I can’t really recommend this one, though I am sad to say it. It’s a perfectly servicable, functional game. You have a city that moves along a path at a set rate, you move your little guy around harvesting resources and fighting monsters, you expand your city, all that works on a moment to moment level.

The issue is that this is really all there is. There are unlocks, but none of the ones I have gotten have changed how I approached the game at all. The routes you can choose are differentiated by only a few variables and each run has a set-in-stone pacing due to the auto scrolling city. After you’ve done a handful of runs you've seen most of what the game has to offer.
 

 

Uncle Chop's Rocket Shop

A roguelite about being a four-eyed fox-headed cartoon man in a dumpy space station, fixing spaceships with only your in-universe manual to help you. I love this game's premise, I love its vibe, I love sitting down and rolling through some jobs. There's a fun sense of satisfaction of going from terribly confused to "oh I can do this module with no trouble at all." The game rewards player knowledge in the way that most TTRPGs can only dream of.

However: there are a handful of bullshit moments that yank me right out of the moment and set off the "it's time to take a break" notification. A certain amount of friction is to be expected, especially towards the end of a run, but these come as particularly jarring. 

  • Reactor jobs can tank a run before you realize what the problem is (understandable and appropriate, so this isn't really a flaw, but it is a frustration point. You gotta remove that core NOW.)
  • The faction endings introduce new and sometimes obtuse mechanics that don't always gel (Lawmakers in particular is absolutely miserable: you have to babysit a battlestation and keep the ammo topped off, but in order to move between the gun and the dispenser you have to take a single-person elevator that is also being used by the other crewmembers who are, in my unscientific opinion, the slowest motherfuckers to ever exist in this universe of base matter.
  • The meteor shower hazard just makes ships catch on fire constantly (there's no buffer period, so a fire can start literally as soon as you finish putting out the last one) and can be completely negated with a cheap permanent upgrade (like you can probably afford it after your first one or two runs and then never have to deal with meteors again, which begs the question of why they are in the game.)

A more general issue is that the game has no manual save, and only autosaves after every day of work (normally three ships) - depending on how good you are and how complex the fix-it jobs are, you're looking at a substantial chunk of time that you have to devote to the game in one go - it's not a pick up and play a round while you're on break kind of game. I understand why (cuts down on save scumming), but it is still frustrating and leads me to pass it over in favor of other games.

Still, all that aside, it's a weird little game that provides a unique experience and I'd recommend it to anyone who thinks the concept sounds fun, because even with all the frustrations listed above it is fun. I've considered printing out a hard copy of the manual, just for giggles. Maybe as Mothership prop. No idea how you'd adapt the puzzles to Mothership, but....actually hold on to that.

(Speaking of Mothership - surprisingly relevant content despite the aesthetic. The cyborg hivemind is made of desperate people trying to escape debt, you're a "devotee" instead of an employee, there's an interplanetary treasure-hunting faction that's really just an MLM scheme sifting through garbage, stuff like that. It's good!) 

**

The Gameable Content Bonus 

Uncle Chop's ship module repair for tabletop

Spitballing here, gonna get loosey goosey for a moment. You give the players a print-out or pdf of the Uncle Chop's manual (or your own bespoke equivalent). Players do their thing until they need to fix a ship module. You tell them the symptoms / problem. Players then have to either find, replace, or build replacement parts to solve the puzzle. 

**

Ground Sloth Worship in Pleistocene North America (Corvee, Alan; 1992)

For Players: A brief text outlining Corvee's hypothesis that large swathes of the Midwest and Appalachia were dominated by the worship of giant ground sloths at the end of the Ice Age. While surprisingly restrained in tone for a text of this subject matter, even cursory examination of other sources reveals that Corvee's conclusions are not supported at all by mainstream archaeology.

For Handlers: The book is intended to plant the idea in the players' minds before revealing related evidence, rather than containing any direct Mythos material. It would work as a good trailhead or supplemental evidence for a plot involving Tsathoggua (sloth-god), the Voormis (sloth people), Clark Ashton Smith's Hyperborean material (reframed as the ice-age Americas, with "Hyperborea" coming from Greek mis-interpretation of the Book of Eibon), the K'n-Yani (who worship Tsathoggua and live under the Americas) and the assorted New-Age lore of Mount Shasta (Mount Voormithadreth, anyone?). Practically writes itself.


Tuesday, November 25, 2025

Dan Plays Games 9

In the last installment, Arnold suggested writing some bits of gameable material at the end, and I think that's a pretty good idea. Only got one bit for this one, but that should hopefully change for the next.

 

Date Everything (Update) 

I promised a Date Everything tier list, here is that tier list. 

Open link in new tab to actually read the damn thing

My thoughts on the game are basically the same as in the previous post. I respect the hustle, and when I finally got to the end my feelings were generally positive, but overall I’d point people towards Teenage Exocolonist or Slay the Princess instead. Neither of which, I admit, would be strictly called dating sims.

Further notes:

  • Dolly is a gem and her story the one that felt most like an actual romance. I like the anthropologist character, who could have possibly guessed this would happen.
  • Tydus Andromache being the off-brand detergent pods + Amazon + speaking in iambic pentameter is the kind of layered gag I live for.
  • Bobby is NB and so should be labeled as HELLO, BOSS, of course, but it didn't feel right giving them anything lower than top tier even if they're on the same color grade. Just imagine it's on the right hand side.
  • Barry Styles gets an award for most positive surprise: didn't think I would like him at all, but then it turns out he's the ADHD character written by someone who Gets It, and I appreciate that a lot.
  • Part of Mac’s storyline involves them asking you to delete  quote "terabytes” unquote of poorly-written self-insert erotic fanfiction. I crunched the numbers on that, and 2 TB of plaintext files (with 40% lopped off for whatever bespoke formatting the Valdivian text editor uses, estimated) is roughly equivalent to the entire career output of Stephen King 8733 times over. All because they want to update to the newer, definitely enshittified corpo operating system. Nah, mate, I’m going to offer Lyric a profit-share editorial job and we are going to make bank.
  • Curt and Rod’s storyline is bugged still, and for me was uncompleteable. Thankfully you don’t actually need to get an ending with everyone to finish the game, but I was deep enough in that they where the only ones I hadn’t finished.



Islanders: New Shores

It’s Islanders with a slight/modest amount of new content. One of those sequels where it kinda outmodes the original, but also I don’t know if it does enough to really stand out against it, either. But that’s only an issue if you’ve played the first game, and even then it’s probably not a huge issue.




Silksong

Silksong is what happens when your devs are entirely isolated from anyone who isn’t an absolute freakbeast. It is perhaps the most player-hostile game I’ve encountered in recent memory, and it was made so with intention. I’d be more forgiving if it was jank, but in this case the cruelty was the point. Here’s a run down:

  • Lightly nudging a boss with your toe does 2 masks of damage, just like all of their attacks (which is double what a typical Hollow Knight boss does)
  • Lengthy boss runbacks are both present and often extremely tedious - even FromSoft got rid of them in Elden Ring, and for good reason.
  • Exploration is less rewarding - most of the tools and trinkets are locked behind the rosary bead currency dropped by certain enemies, which favors grinding out trash mobs to afford anything until you hit Act 2.
  • There are no real rewards for bosses or enemy gauntlets (which can sometimes be tougher than bosses themselves) - they don’t even drop shards.
  • Speaking of shards, I understand that they’re supposed to be a mechanic where you are forced to take a break from a boss to go do something else, but again like…there’s very little incentive to explore. You get so little in the way of exploration rewards, and you’re likely to get frustrated or stuck on some bullshit or another anyway.
  • Minor enemies have bloated health pools, and some of them also do two masks of damage. And the flying ones straight-up just read your inputs so you’re stuck trying to hit an extraordinary precognitive little fucker.
  • Some environmental hazards also do two masks of damage (which they did not in Hollow Knight) - makes sense for lava, not for anything else. They fixed one of these in a patch.


I managed to beat Widow before I installed the reduced damage and Stakes of Marika mods; there was no satisfaction in overcoming that fight, merely relief that it was over and I would never have to do it again. These mods made it tolerable for a while: the Last Judge fight was actually fun, when I'm certain it would have driven me to uninstall if I had tried to do it clean. 

This lasted until I got to Mt. Fay, played for 10 minutes more, and uninstalled. Putting the technically-optional double jump (something that is helpful for people who are having trouble with the platforming) behind an extremely tough and tedious platforming challenge (of the sort that if you're able to do it, you probably don't need the double jump) is a level of cruelty beyond what mods can solve. My wrists are shit, Team Cherry, throw me a fucking bone.

All the parts I liked of the game - the visuals, the music, the exploration - were constantly up against a compounding set of choices I could probably endure individually but less so all at once and definitely not all the time: it’s a death by a thousand cruel cuts. Difficulty and frustration are different things, a lesson that Silksong does not seem to have internalized.

The game's difficulty is still tuned for "postgame DLC" and there are no options without mods, and that mars what is otherwise a stellar experience, leaving me with an end result that waffles between the extremes of fun and frustration in some kind of quantum superposition. Some moments, like the Lace fight, are downright sublime; but then you spend three times as long fighting the Moorwing and the experience starts to sour. All the fun I had with the game was in spite of the game, not really because of it, and the disappointment is deep.

I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, because anyone with a tolerance for its specific style of bullshit either already owns it or already has it on their wishlist.



Hades 2

The anti-Skong, as far as development is concerned. It’s Hades 2, which means it’s Hades 1 but more Hades, which has worked generally in the game’s favor but also means that my main issue with Hades 2 is the same I had with Hades 1, similarly magnified: shit’s big, and I’m a man liable to run out of steam. Especially here, where the game is quite literally twice as large as the first game. Runs are long and require a lot of sustained focus, and the resource treadmill means you will be making a whole lot of runs.

Some folks had issues with the ending, I dodged that since I still haven’t finished the game.

It’s an extremely slick game and a lot of fun to play, but I find that I have to be in a high-focus state of mind to really settle down and play a run.

Every single new character to show up, even when their inclusion was a foregone conclusion, elicited a “oh shiiiiiiiiiit!” reaction just from the excitement of seeing the new character design, which was a fun thing to work towards. As before, these iterations have more or less become my canonical (or at least primary) versions of the characters.



Binding of Isaac: Repentance (Continued)

I put so many fucking hours into this game since August I had to uninstall and hide it from my library. Wrong game at the right time, and while there are worse things to be addicted to god damn is there a lot of game in this game and it knows how to get the hooks in. I was getting into stuff I didn’t even know existed (the Tainted characters) and overall it was feeling good to be back, but also kind of a checklist treadmill (I literally had an achievement spreadsheet I was tracking progress with) and in retrospect it was very much one o' them maladaptive coping strategies. 



Decktamer

"What if Pokemon but a deckbuilder and also had the fucked-up (positive) monster ecology of Made In Abyss but didn't have all the other, fucked-up shit (negative) of Made in Abyss?"

I was sold on this game from the monster art (your tutorial beast is the Hell Rat, which looks like a naked mole rat with a cookie-cutter shark mouth), and it’s been great fun so far on top of having a killer bestiary of gross-cute beasties. Some issues with difficulty that have since been evened out with patches, and I'm looking forward to what gets added later. There's a lot of room for pulling off some wild combos with abilities and team comps, but to get those you have to be both lucky and good at thinking on your feet.



Hell is Us

“What if Death Stranding was an exploration/puzzle-first Soulslike set in a fictional analogue of the Bosnian War?”

I'd asked some folks, a short while before this game came out, if there was a Soulslike with no boss fights. Something that was wholly set on exploring an interconnected and detailed environment without combat gates (or at least with milder ones). They didn't have an answer for me, but lo and behold, Hell is Us emerges to fill this exact niche. The game is good. Deserves its own post.



Peak

My partner and a couple real-life friends picked it up so I figured why not. Was a good choice. Losing is fun / hilarious and that carries so much of a game. There are just enough moving parts for chaos to creep into a cascading disaster of four people making small sub-optimal choices over time. It's a strong chassis to build on top of.

Not a fan of the Roots area they added, though. Visually great, but the spores are just kinda one difficulty element too far for me. No clear distinction for when you are actually in danger zone vs in the margin of the cloud until you’re actually taking damage.


Picto Quest: The Cursed Grids

Uncharitable reviews would call it shovelware; It was $1.50 on sale, and I have certainly gotten $1.50 of enjoyment out of it. No frills, no extras, just ~120 picto puzzles. I’d never tried this type of game before and ended up really enjoying it for what it is. A very good game when you’re having a shit day and want to think about nothing more complex than some numbers and an unambiguous problem.

 

**

 

The Gameable Content Bonus

Speak with Tsukumogami

 You call up the spirit of an object for a short conversation. Default chance of 1-in-6, add 1 if:

  • The object is over 100 years old.
  • The object is regularly used or in contact with humans.
  • The object possesses some perceived importance to humans.(regardless of actual importance)
  • You make an appropriate hospitality offering (ie something the object would like)
  • You take 1d6 fatigue damage (healed only after sleep)

Failure does not mean the spirit doesn't exist, only that it isn't interested in talking.

Recent damage to an item reduces the roll by 1, as do insults, general mistreatment, neglect, and so on.

Tsukumogami are basically people, but very lightly two-dimensional people. They have knowledge of their surroundings, their trades, and their personal histories; anything beyond that will be gossip they've heard from the other object-spirits. They do not care one bit about the ramifications of their existence. 

 



Monday, September 15, 2025

The Expedition 33 Review Post

Belsprout


I am going to spoil the shit out of this game. There's your warning.

**


Expedition 33 opens with a moment of sublime cosmic horror.

Across the sea from the city of Lumiere, there is a Monolith. On the Monolith's face there is a golden number, radiant. At its base, an enormous woman made of stone sits with her head bowed and her arms wrapped around her knees. Thus the horizon remains until sunset of the gommage day, when the Paintress rises from her seat, wipes away the number, and everyone of that age in Lumiere vaporizes in a cloud of flower petals. 

A new number is painted, one lower than the last, and the Painter's returns to stillness. Lumiere sends out an expedition the next morning, in desperate hope that they might be able to cross the sea and the shattered continent beyond and stop this.


All of them have failed. This year is Expedition 33, but it’s not the 33rd Expedition: the numbers count down to match the monolith - no one older than 33 is still alive in Lumiere. The gommage spares no one. No one has a fucking clue why it happens.

Within the first few minutes of the game, as main character Gustav is walking his ex-girlfriend Sophie to the harbor for her own funeral, you have a conversation with an NPC about preparations for the “Final Generation”, when there will be no more adults at all. It's that sort of game. It's a game about art, and death, and grief, and the end of the world, and the arbitrary, unknowable horror of a universe that will inevitably kill you for no fucking reason and how all you can do is fling yourself in desperate hope into the void that is the future and it is a video game about wanting to stab God in the fucking face. Who knows if it will do any good,  but you’re tired and sick and that bastard has killed everyone you have ever loved and they’ll kill you too and you just have to hope that you can get in knife range.

It's so fucking good.

Mechanically, graphically, narratively, musically, certified banger on every single front and this is grading it against a year packed with incredible releases. Do you like JRPGs at all? Go play it. Took me 42 hours, sidequests included, and I saw most but not all of it. Good size, leaves you satisfied but not exhausted.

**


I can’t be, and refuse to be, the only one who sees the parallels between Marika and the Paintress. I can’t say if there was intention behind the similarities but damn is it close: goddess with golden hair and a fucked-up stone body breaks the fucking universe in grief after the death of her son.

**

 
Naming a favorite track is impossible, so I will have to just shout out the funky fresh bassline in Rain from the Ground. The feeling when it transitions into the electronica during a perfect parry sequence is absolute peak.

**


I lied. My favorite track is Paintress. Wait, no, Visages. God there are so many bangers on this soundtrack, it’s nothing but bangers.

**


Lune was my party lead from go - you can settle into some excellent bread-and-butter 1-2-3 combos with her. And she’s just a cool character. But also because she doesn’t make any noise when she sprints.

**


Monaco teaches us all a valuable lesson: Blue Mage “get powers from monsters” is a good mechanic, and it should be featured in more places.

**


The dialogue in the game is excellent across the board - naturalistic in ways that many comparable games aren’t.  It doesn’t feel stilted or performative, and the comedy swings way above its weight class when it wants to. Verso and Monoco in particular have some fantastic banter. 

**


Esquie is a perfect marshmallow friend, Sciel is everyone's favorite bi icon, Renoir is one of the most menacing motherfuckers to grace a screen in a good long while. 

**


I love how weird everything is. Set design, monster design, the landscape itself. They use “the world is a painting” to fantastic effect. Yeah! It should be weird and surreal! It’s a magic painting! Just have some big abstract-art headed bronze colossus wading through the ocean and name it "Sprong"!

**


Gestrals - the model maquettes with paintbrush hair - are such a good type of goblin. They love fighting, but not out of anything as petty as malice or greed or ideology; they just want a good tussle. No harm no foul if they die, they’ll just be reborn at the sacred river.

It’s hilarious, until it also becomes deeply sad as you find out that resurrected gestrals don’t retain continuity with their previous selves; they’re similar, but not the same. And the damage done to the Canvas has backed up the resurrection line, where there aren’t enough adult gestrals to look after the newly-resurrected one.

**


I loved how each character had a dedicated combat gimmick but shared in the same skill unlocks - the amount of build variety you can pull off is probably the greatest I have ever seen in an RPG. You can break the game entirely and wipe endgame bosses before they even get a turn in, if you want to.

To elaborate there: everyone has three slots they can equip primary skills in, which give them a stat boost as well. If they go through four fights with a skill equipped, that allows every character to add that skill (with no stat boost) to their list of secondary skills (the only cap here being your number of skill points). Everyone is able to use every skill, and the key is finding the build that works with their core combat gimmick.

**


I’ll admit, I was taken by surprise when Gustav gets merc’d at the end of Act 1. They got me, and I thought “yeah, okay, it’s that kind of game, I see what you’re doing.”

And then they hit me with that trick again with the end of Act 2 and just kill everyone.

**


As for the endings, I picked Maelle’s first, then went back and did Verso’s. The latter I find more narratively fulfilling but morally monstrous, the former a hollow victory. I appreciate that there’s no good ending, but there’s the feeling that there could have been one. Maybe, if Gustav were alive, he could have brokered peace with Real!Renoir or Real!Clea. 

Verso’s ending sees him committing genocide; Maelle’s sees her losing herself in a sea of puppets. Neither of them - or any of the other Dessandres, really - see the inhabitants of the Canvas as people. 

I normally don’t like narratives where characters meet their creators. They either turn into farce or tread a repetitive existential crisis. No need to relitigate it when Conan figured out in Queen of the Black Coast: “If life is an illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me.”

Here, I feel better. Because the encounter with the gods leaves the very clear lesson that they will destroy you as collateral in their own squabbles. Even the ones that seem to care about you. The game ends on the same note as it begins: raw cosmic horror. The gods will kill you en masse for arbitrary reasons you have no context for - and once we get the context that your lives are all collateral damage in their squabbles amongst themselves, it just makes it all worse because the you’re not just dying for unavoidable and pointless reasons, you’re dying for petty and stupid and selfish and completely avoidable reasons.

I’m convinced that the party was well and properly dead after Act 2: Maelle didn’t resurrect anyone, she just made puppets based on her own memories. The wave at the end of the Verso ending is Maelle trying to assuage her own guilt with a mirage of her dead friends going “it’s okay, we understand”. 

The game starts with the characters going "fuck the gods", and ends with the player going "man, fuck the gods."

**


There is so much to say about this game and it’s been a couple months, so it is extremely difficult to focus and summarize my thoughts. All the same, game good.


Thursday, August 14, 2025

Dan Plays Games 8

In a semi-concerted effort to play and finish games I own rather than buying new ones, several games on this list will be those I’ve played before but haven't touched in many years.

Elden Ring: Nightreign

I played two rounds and then refunded it. Turns out when you take all the parts I like out of Elden Ring, I don't like the end result. So I bought Expedition 33 instead.

Expedition 33

Game fucking good. It deserves its own post.

Odallus: The Dark Call 

I played less than an hour of this back in 2015. It’s one of those early indie games that went extremely hard on the retro influence (in this case, pre-Symphony Castlevania), and that works in its favor for the aesthetics. Unfortunately, its dedication to period accuracy means that it has several design choices that are absolute bullshit.

You have a limited number of lives: fine. You can buy more at merchants, but like with every other item the price increases every time you buy it. Okay, fine. If you lose all your lives you have to restart the level. Okay, fine.

But when you die and get kicked back to a checkpoint,  all the sub weapons and lives you used remain used and the price increase remains in effect. You’re kicked back in space but not in time. 

Maybe the game would be too easy if this wasn’t a factor - it’s not particularly complicated or long once you come to grips with the movement (which doesn’t feel great, but intentionally so) - but as it stands I feel little desire to finish it despite how short it is. With achievement percentages at 50% just for beating the first level, it seems I am part of the majority on this point.

One Finger Death Punch

Another one from 2015ish. The tutorial narrator voice has aged particularly poorly (I get that they were going for “bad dub of an old kung fu movie”, or at least I hope they were, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good to begin with), but the gameplay is an immaculate encapsulation of ye olde Newgrounds stick fighting animations. Feels good sometimes to winnow down the cognitive load to two buttons and flow state.

Rift of the Necrodancer (revisit)

Returning here, now that I've completed the story mode, with a comment to say that I do not know why there was a story mode. Just having the mini games of characters doing stuff would have been sufficient.

Binding of Isaac: Repentance

BoI is my most-played video game that isn’t TF2, at least in terms of games that I have stats for. I fell off years ago when I updated to Afterbirth+ and found that it had become extremely unfun to play thanks to item bloat and successive waves of Edmund’s favorite hobby, nerfing anything that is remotely fun into the ground (instead of giving people more options to play the game on their own terms. Heaven forbid a game have opt-in extra difficulty modes.)

But I had never gotten Repentance, and got it in my head that I should return to the old stomping grounds as I continue on through Hell Summer of Hell Year. Started a new save slot and everything.

And starting over from scratch feels good! The old monster is still under there and getting a Pyromaniac + Kamikaze run feels fucking good. Getting Brimstone feels fucking good.

It’s only after putting a couple dozen more hours into it that the feeling of “man, this ain’t quite right” starts to creep in. There’s been a lot of little things tweaked in the years since I played BoI regularly, and on the whole I don’t like them in ways I can’t really put my finger on because I don’t know the extent of the damage. Several issues I had with Afterbirth+ are still present (paucity of damage up items, a bloated boss item pool weighted towards items that are either useless or just feel like a mediocre reward, outrageously nerfed Devil Room chances) and several more seem to have emerged just for Repentance (inflating drop percentages, even more good items reduced to mediocrity, decreasing soul heart drop rate.)

And don’t get me started on how the External Item Descriptions mod is absolutely necessary to play. It’s bonkers we’ve gone over a decade missing the basic feature of “telling players what the fuck an item does”. This has always been Edmund’s other big design issue - I remember the shitshow with the Lost and the “no patch notes for updates” era. He's a good designer at base but once the game is in the wild I think he just kinda barrels over people who have a different way of having fun. It's always been a relaxation game for me, where you occasionally become obscenely overpowered. Making it harder lessens both of those things. Maybe a mod to undo the nerfs will help.

Is it still fun? Yeah! But it feels like it's fun in spite of itself, nowadays. 

Date Everything

While my experience with the genre is limited, it’s my understanding that dating sims are predicated on the premise of choosing a character you like and focusing in on their specific story route, which precludes you from those of other characters.

Date Everything does not adhere to this structure: while everyone has a specific plot, these are extremely short (maybe 5-7 conversations, and I've run into several that can be wrapped up in 1 or 2) and pretty shallow, narratively speaking. When you finish their story, there’s basically nothing else to do with the character besides one final short scene.

This would be okay were it not for the fact that the game forces you to engage with all of the characters. “(You Must) Date Everything”, not “(You Can) Date Everything”. 

The only way to skip anyone is if you take the content warning opt-out, which you can only take for certain characters and which you can only activate during the first conversation with them. If you ever think “oh that doesn't sound so bad / I can handle this” and then change your mind, you’re fucked; you are locked into their storyline unless you reload a save. If someone doesn’t have a warning but is still just kind of a cunt you’d rather not deal with, you’re just stuck with them for days until you can piss them off enough to get a Hate ending.

This leads to a paradoxical and self-defeating gameplay loop where you are disincentivized from interacting with the characters you like. In a fucking dating sim! Talk to them too much and you burn through their plot and are stuck with the characters you don’t like or actively hate. Even I know that shit is whack!

The game desperately, desperately needs a “fuck you, get out of my house” option. Not just because the Content Aware warning system is inadequate, but because sometimes players just don’t like talking to certain characters for reasons entirely unconnected to serious topics! Let me skip Timony Timepiece! It should not take this long to get this shitty submissive twink catboy out of my god-damn house!

You can just be rude to people and sandbag everything they say, but it’s still going to take multiple days to get a Hate ending for most of them.

I appreciate the inclusion of content warnings, but they’re basically useless in the game by being vaguely worded and given without any context to help you make an informed decision (so like most content warnings).  I’m not fucking psychic, I can’t tell what warnings are under / over / accurately stated without more info, and if I get more info it’s too late! There are characters who absolutely need a warning and don’t get one (the fact that this game launched with no warning on Errol is baffling) and those who get one but probably don’t (Deenah is, at worst, mildly weird.) I ended up taking most of them not because of the content, but because the characters are immediately gigantic assholes that I don't want to deal with. (Special shout-out to Sophia, who is both content I don't want to engage with AND an enormous asshole. She's the domme who subscribes to the "start throwing insults around before establishing boundaries" school of BDSM. You literally don't even get to choose a single line of dialogue (let alone get to the content warning) before she starts growling about how you're a worthless piece of shit. Get the fuck outta my house and remind yourself what 'safe, sane, and consensual' means, you clown.)

The game is at its best when you’re wandering around discovering kooky new characters. The writing is generally pretty good, got some great jokes in there, character designs are cool. Sometimes you get in a flow state and juggling all those characters doesn't seem like that big of an ask. But sometimes the illusion breaks and the connective tissue starts showing and you remember that 100 characters is a lot less fun when you have to do all 100 plots to finish the damn game, especially when you've met a good number of characters that you'll get you fill of (positive and negative) in one meeting. 

(Also: the mouse and keyboard controls are outrageously bad. You can use arrow keys to select options in the main menu, but not dialogue options. And there’s no key rebinding!)

(Also also: I know it's 110% unintentional, but I am incredibly amused by the fact that the character voiced by Matt Mercer is a bad DM.)

Yes, there will be a tierlist eventually.

Thursday, May 22, 2025

Dan Plays Games 7

Previous posts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

I'm trying to get better at actually finishing games I own instead of just buying new ones. I am not very successful thus far.

 

Pyrene

My feelings are complicated on this one. On the whole, the game is fun; I like the aesthetics and its roots in Basque folklore, but something in the roguelite gameplay loop and the difficulty curve is a little borked.

Every area has a spread of cards - enemies, items, yourself - and you move yourself around defeating enemies until you clear the area, repeat across 3-5 biomes. New characters are unlocked as you progress through the story, new items and abilities are unlocked by upgrading buildings in the village or completing “do X thing Y times” objectives. So far so good. You can make some disgustingly overpowered builds, which is always a plus.

The issue I kept running into was that the story locks your progress behind character-specific runs - you unlock a new character, and then have to complete a run as them to progress. Using anyone else will only get you more upgrade materials for the village. This shakes out with you spending more time playing as characters you don’t like / are having trouble with rather than characters you do, though there are thankfully a lot of difficulty adjustments that you can toggle on and off as you see fit.

If you're playing it as a normal roguelite with the normal cycle of “do run, return home, upgrade, go back out”, you’ll run out of things to upgrade long before you reach the end of the story thanks to playing and losing as characters you don't like; the last village upgrades are locked behind beating said story (and are postgame challenge stuff anyway), so the back half / third of the game just doesn’t really have any meaningful metaprogression unless you’ve been moving through the story faster than you can unlock things.

But then again, I really liked the last character in the story mode so I can't even say that it ended on a bad note. It's got flaws, but I still hit credits on it and enjoyed my time with it. Not being a forever game with endless depth is okay.


Pokerogue

This is a dangerous game if you have an addictive personality. The gameplay loop is that tight.

It's a basic framework: you draft a team, and then try and survive 200 waves of increasing difficulty It's simple superficially, but in shifting Pokemon to a roguelite gameplay structure, all of the weird gribbly background stuff that only matters to competitive players suddenly becomes both important and fun. It’s downright miraculous, and it’s such a dead fucking simple change.

When you catch or hatch a pokemon for the first time, its lowest evolution is made available as a starter. For every duplicate you catch or hatch, any new natures, abilities, IVs or egg moves are added to the gestalt. Using / catching / hatching a ‘mon gets you candies that you can use to unlock passive abilities (in addition to the normal ability), reduce point costs (you have a budget of 10 points for your starting party) or buy eggs (which have better odds of getting you a shiny or a rare egg move)

And then you can pick and choose what you want to start with.

Bolded for emphasis. In a normal Pokemon game making a specific build is an exercise in psychopathic tedium and monster eugenics, and it doesn’t matter whatsoever unless you are playing competitively. This bypasses all of that and lets you unlock new options just by engaging with the basic premise; after so long, there is finally a game where catching them all is actually a fun part of the gameplay loop. Even the egg gacha mechanics are fun, because you will regularly be surprised with a helpful egg move, a new shiny, or a hidden ability that you can then start building around; You're always making progress on something. (Again, part of the addiction loop. But it is still very satisfying.)

My one major issue is that the first two areas are always the same, and tend to get pretty boring even when you have a solid fighting type to clean house. The secondary issue is that once you start getting a team settled down, the grind becomes a lot more apparent. But when you're on a good run, man does it feel good to put on a podcast and grind out a couple dozen waves.

 (I have a Houndour with some truly obscene type coverage via egg moves, I love my walking nuke hellhound son.)



Spiritfarer (Revisit; original review 2023)


I started up a fresh Spiritfarer save after our cat Peaches died back in March (three cats in three years, folks. It’s been bad) and have been chipping away at it since then. It was the game I needed. Probably needed it anyway just considering the state of the world. Death has been on my mind a lot, of late.

In a media landscape that is so obsessed with death and so gleeful in its depictions of doling it out, Spiritfarer stands out as an anomaly. There are lots of good depictions of mythic Death out there, but very few of the part that comes before. The dying part, the winding down, the knowing and the dreadful waiting. Pratchett’s witches get it, no surprise there, but it’s a pretty barren landscape elsewise.

And then Spiritfarer sails in, with its music and its animation and its color and its warmth and joy and brushes with the transcendent, and it gives you the job of preparing spirits for their final departure. It invokes what is probably one of the oldest and strongest fantasies in humanity: the good death. Of going out with dignity, without regret, with all affairs in order, in the company of loved ones.

Very, very few people get that luxury. Have ever gotten that luxury. Most of humanity has died in pain, in terror, alone, without warning. If you’re lucky, you get to say goodbye.

And then Spiritfarer sails in and says “Maybe it doesn’t have to be like that”, and the effect is something like a glimpse of the elves on their way to the Grey Havens.

The gameplay loop is smoother the second time through, when I know what I’m doing, though I am reaching the point where many of the issues that got me to stop cropped up. Let’s see if I can play smarter. The biggest issue so far is if you drop the loop: Say you forgot something (easy to do in this game). You missed a passenger for a while, or you kept one around longer than you needed to. It’s entirely possible to get yourself trapped in a resource bottleneck where your only way to progress is through this One Specific Thing, and you’re stuck essentially going in circles until you accomplish the One Specific Thing and the game opens back up a bit. I started feeling it this run through around the same point as I did the first time; things can really start to fizzle out around the 50% mark. I’m going to push through, because I do want to see this through to the end, but it is a pretty sizable flaw in an otherwise flawless experience. The defect in the Claw of the Conciliator.

I wouldn’t blame anyone for dropping the game in frustration after hitting one of those scenarios. But beyond that, I think Spiritfarer is one of those very rare works of art where the world is better - if only by a small amount -  for its existence. 



Path of Achra (Revisit)

Got back into this for a while. I’ve come to appreciate how, since the main gameplay loop is just “attempt to get to the end, and then do it again but slightly harder” nearly all of the achievements are based around getting to the end of the game with one of the 80-some prestige classes - it’s a small but welcome encouragement to vary up how you play the game. Makes it something of a puzzle, even: can you make a build that fulfills X requirements that can survive a run? This can cause frustration when you have a great build that still ends up getting absolutely bodied right at the end, but them’s the breaks.

The dev is working on a tactics rpg set in the same world, which I am very excited for. The guy knows the best lore is to just say cryptic, cool-sounding shit and let people’s imagination do the rest. More of that is always welcome.



Sorry We’re Closed (Addendum)

Serves me right for giving it a writeup when I was still very early on in the game.

You know how I said that it’s doing some very interesting things with the themes of love and how it changes people? About that: Sorry, We’re Closed operates on fairy-tale morality and logic. You are going to be given binary dialog choices (of the sort where the choice you make and what the character actually says are entirely different things) with no room given for nuance, circumstance, or anything remotely resembling how people would react to these things in the real world. I didn’t realize this until I was already getting frustrated with the story: Yes, game, I am agreeing with you that love can be a profound driver of personal change and growth: no, I don’t think that love is going to save the character who feeds people into an industrial meat grinder in front of a live studio audience.

Under fairy-tale logic, with everything and everyone heightened to an operatic dreamscape where nothing and no one is actually real, maybe it works. I don’t know. You have a woman who was dumped three years ago and still has a framed photo of her ex on the wall, being stalked/cursed by a demon that feeds people (that it kidnaps and attempts to force into romantic relationships in order to fill the hole left behind from the absence of God) into an industrial meat grinder, and everyone else in the side stories is heightened levels of dysfunctional - and your choices are only ever “yes this is fine, carry on” and “I am going to destroy this person’s life.” There’s never an option to put your foot down and say “I think you can make it work, but you two need to sit down and sort your shit out and I am not qualified to help you”.

It’s one of those cases where I would rather not have any narrative choice at all, rather than be forced into choices that I don’t want to take.

If I decide to continue with this, I will probably have further addenda.

Ender Magnolia

Like its predecessor, Ender Magnolia is a dang solid Metroidvania. Looks good, sounds good, plays good, I 100%ed it (admittedly, this wasn’t very hard) and I never 100% games. It’s not going to win any awards for breaking new ground and revolutionizing the genre, but there’s nothing wrong with playing the hits sometimes. 



Time Wasters

Fun little bullet heaven game where you zip around in a little spaceship. Good if you want something that doesn’t require a lot of brain power to play. You’ll get more bang for your buck from Vampire Survivors, but I don’t think anything actually does so that’s not much of a mark against it. You'll probably run out of steam relatively quickly, but it's fun for as long as it keeps your interest.



ENA: Dream BBQ

The natural evolution of the series is here: a new ENA video, but interactive. Does it make a shit-lick of sense? Maybe. Do I care that I don’t understand it? Also no. It’s free and it captures one specific Vibe that is just otherwise impossible to capture. Dream logic is damn hard to properly invoke and even harder to sustain, so keeping it going for an hour and a half (give or take) of playtime (this is the first episode of ???) is an achievement. If you enjoy ENA, this is more ENA.

Also, since Mike had asked me on discord if I had any utterly deranged lore ramblings about ENA to tide folks over until Nightreign, here’s what I’ve got: I’m sticking with a theory that this is some sort of hyper-immersive VR (to use Orion’s Arm terminology, a virch) setup that is slowly decaying due to unknowable outside circumstances, and none of the inhabitants truly realize it. Some of them clearly know that something has gone wrong, but I don’t think they know why. Environments / regions are going offline, people are losing their identities / selfs and becoming NPC-like subroutines, so on and so forth. ENA herself, I think, is a user who has somehow managed to accumulate or create a gestalt personality (we’ve seen at least three of them: Red/Yellow, Blue, and Grey) that’s taken on its own life outside of and potentially suppressing the original.


Gods vs Horrors (Release build)

Same as it was in the demo, now with more gods and relics and a lightweight unlock system. Still love the design of the pantheons - each is visually distinct (since all art is black, white, and one primary color) and each has a dedicated playstyle that you can build around / hybridize. It feels fantastic to fall into a disgustingly overpowered build. All that is good.

The bad is that the game absolutely needs some rebalancing and some more content. While I've been able to clear the 10 tiers for the first boss, the difficulty dramatically spikes on the second and third bosses way outpace any benefit the progression might be able to give you. Like with Pyrene, the pace of unlocks is out of whack with the difficulty (even factoring in the occasional disgustingly overpowered build), so you will end up unlocking stuff well before you have reached the endgame (or even the midgame, honestly) - to this day, I don't think anyone has beaten Binding of Isaac for how to pace roguelite progression.

Really hoping this one gets more support later on down the road. All the pieces are there, they just need more time in the oven.

 

Slay the Princess: The Pristine Cut

I'd played this last year, but I completely forgot to add it to a roundup for reasons I cannot begin to fathom (spoilers, it's ADHD), so here is a long-overdue review of the game as I return to play through all the new material that got added since I last touched it.

**

There is a point in Slay the Princess where the clever twists on the visual novel format and the joy of Jonathan Sims talking to himself fade into the background for a moment, and the only way to describe the experience is 'transcendent'.  It's an encounter with La Revacholiere. No other way, no better way to describe it. You'll know when you get there.

And it's not a one-off, either. You'll find that place again. Don't play too much of it at once. Let those moments live somewhere in your soul and return when you feel the pull again.

 

Promise Mascot Agency

It's an open world mascot management sim yakuza crime drama made by the people behind Paradise Killer and it is a certified banger. A great game for weird people. I fell in love with it instantly, in a way that's honestly hard to quantify. Saying "I like the vibes" is a disservice, because vibes are vague feelings about aesthetics: the vibes are immaculate, but hand in hand with the vibes it's just fucking fun. It feels good to play. It feels good to drive your truck around a run-down backwater town and talk to people. It feels good watching the agency expand and the numbers go up. 

The pitch is that you're playing as Michi, "the Janitor". You fucked up and lost the family 12 billion yen. So the boss lady exiles you to a shitty depressed town in the middle of nowhere to take over a failing mascot agency operating out of a roach-infested love motel. Your partner in business / crime is a mascot (who are actual beings, not humans in suits) named Pinkie☆ (the star is part of her name) who is a giant severed finger with a face on it and has had it up to here with just about everything and is disappointed that you didn't need her to go bury a body in the woods. You need to make a shitload of money and clean up this run down town.

Two little things that stuck out to me: one is possibly the only funny version of "ha ha, the goofy cartoon animal is obsessed with porn" (because he immediately follows it with "I'm an advocate for responsible usage and want to start a streaming service where everyone is paid fairly for their work"), the other is the exchange teacher from London whose voice actress I would bet dollars to donuts had done the same at some point (which I think is very cool. Loads of media overlook the complexities and texture of how people speak so I always like shouting it out when there's a case of "folks cared about this". Like how the Chow family in Sinners all have southern Delta accents like the rest of the cast and that establishes that they're second or third generation immigrants without ever saying it directly.)

Anyway: game fucking good, it's on sale at the moment and even if it wasn't it's 20 bucks and that is absolute highway robbery for the quality you'll be getting.

 


 

Monday, May 12, 2025

Positively Unhinged Elden Ring Theoryposting: Part 5

 Previous posts: (Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4). 

Let's get this show back on the road.

Part 9: Last Call Before Nightreign 

Turns out the announcement of Nightreign stopped my positively unhinged theoryposting dead in its tracks. I had been drafting a Big Finale Post where I presented my Grand Unified Headcanon, but there’s not much fun in that knowing that in a short time I’m going to be hit with a series of curveballs from left field that throw everything into total chaos. (The inevitability of FromSoft DLC / sequels)

But with release nearly upon us, I’m going to round up the straggling theories and observations I’ve had that don’t fit into the Big Finale Post, just so I can clean out the draft dog a bit and stop having all these words sitting there menacingly.

**


Observation: The incantation sigils for Messmer & Frenzy look similar

I can’t believe I didn’t catch this until recently. Three pronged fire on both of them, with the Flame of Frenzy predictably looking more ragged and not having a boundary circle. Which would make Messmer’s flame the un-frenzied version of the Frenzied Flame, something chaotic but still controlled. The sigils for Giant and Two Finger incantations are just boundary circles (ie, “things you contain other things in”), with the Giant sigil being more solid (looks like the forge seen from above, as fitting for masters of the flame.) and the Two Fingers being in light-cipher script they use to communicate with humans.

Messmer’s sigil has a thick outside border like the Giants (with less decoration), with a double-helix or braid inside the ring (vs the Tengwar-like scribbles of Finger sigils). This feels like a combination of methods, and it looks like the Celtic knot pattern in the Erdtree sigil.

Of course, you know what also makes a nice circle? Mythologically potent serpents. The serpent that is currently inside Messmer and nibbling on his flame.

It also brings up a question of which came first: is Messmer’s sigil representative of Flame of Frenzy that has been bound, or is the Flame of Frenzy actually a variant of whatever Messmer inherited? Something that’s been supercharged by despair like oxygen fuels an ordinary fire? Is there really just the one Fire that has speciated into multiple forms?

**


Correction: Maybe Not A Brownshirt

In my last post, I did a lot of theorizing based on the idea that Messmer was basically leading his own brownshirt death squads and either threatened or was going to commit a coup. I still like this reading, though Kyana and several other commenters have pointed out that not only is there the line about him leading the crusade “on his mother’s wishes”, but a lot of his voicelines seem almost bored with it all. Like his heart really isn’t in it. He says “Those stripped of the Grace of Gold shall all meet death in Messmer’s Flame” like he’s reading off a script.

Which makes me think that maybe this was a punishment detail for him. He might still have been building his own personal death squads back in Leyndell and / or tried to burn down the Erdtree, but he doesn’t seem to have much in the way of hatred for the people he's fighting.

Which is seemingly countered immediately by the literal walking warcrimes he had as part of his forces and the whole “committing genocide and sticking heads on pikes” thing. So if he wasn’t “yeah let’s go kill hornsent” and was really doing it on Marika’s wishes, the game is drastically understating the extent of how psychologically broken this man is.

That item description indicates that he took the carrot. I think it’s safe to assume that Marika had a stick ready and waiting for her wayward red-headed step-son if he didn’t cooperate.

**


Observation: There’s something missing from the Beast incantation sigil

It’s an empty oval with claw marks, as if something inside was gouged out of it. Which is a bit odd, as it would imply that a beast was responsible for clawing out whatever they had at their spiritual center. The Ring is a likely candidate for what was lost.

That there are three claw marks there is probably nothing important at all and doesn’t mean anything.

**


Theory: The Scadutree is the real Erdtree

  • Looks burnt? Check.
  • In a location where the ash would fall on Leyndell? Probably check.
  • A secret Marika would want hidden? Check.
  • Oozing golden sap? Check.
  • Sap which may or may not be the blood of the sun? Not checked but I believe it.
  • Conveniently near the apparent physical location of the Crucible? Check.

I do not have a meaningful argument beyond vibes and implications but it feels right. Scadutree is real Erdtree, which was planted on top of the Crucible in order to control and regulate it, and it might have also eaten the sun and this probably established the Golden Order.

Because the sun is associated with death. The sun is barely mentioned in the game but nearly every damn time it crops up, it is associated with death.

  • The eclipsed sun is described as protector of the “soulless demigods” in the mausoleums, where it (the eclipse) keeps Destined Death at Bay.
  • But, importantly, the sun is not currently eclipsed, so the mausoleums are walking around to prevent them from being consumed by deathroot.
  • An eclipse was part of Miquella’s plan to resurrect Godwyn so he could die a true death (and potentially return his soul to him?)
  • Death becomes unstuck at night (crucified bodies re-animated and start screaming)


I’m going to stick a pin in this: “Sun seems affiliated with Destined Death  (and possibly the Gloam-Eyed Queen) and prevents spirits from being re-embodied (ie,  the dead remain soulless / cannot have spirits put back into them) - these might be one and the same. Does Destined Death destroy the spirit as well as the body? We know the Flame of Frenzy does that…

(Aside, Death Flare skill drops the phrase “lusterless sun”)

As for demihumans going mad at night, despite all their connections with the Carians and all their magic being sorcery… I think this calls for my Sun = Greater Will theory.

Greater Will gave intelligence to the beasts, intelligence that they have been steadily losing over time  with the loss of the sun’s radiance (ie, what was once given out by the sun directly is now Marika’s to pick and choose with) and which they fully lose when the sun is no longer visible. The sun has lost its luster, the beasts have lost their intelligence, it’s like poetry it fucking rhymes.

And if Scadutree = real Erdtree and Erdtree blessings / sap = golden tears / sun-blood…

Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.

**

Observation: Possible timing of the Gloam-Eyed Queen Dustup.

In a moment of brief coherence of the whole GEQ charade (damn you Miyazaki and Martin both), the description for the Mending Rune of the Death-Prince contains the following line:

“The Golden Order was created by confining Destined Death.”

Enya has dialogue that is basically that verbatim. Which on its own is not much, but it gives us a pin on the board:  

Golden Order founding = defeat of Godskins and GEQ by Maliketh.

Which means that the GEQ vs Maliketh fight could not happen any later than Radagon’s return to Leyndell, since you can’t have Golden Order Fundamentalism if there’s no Golden Order.

But if I am onto something with the previous section, there might be an addendum.

Golden Order founding = defeat of Godskins and GEQ by Maliketh as part of a greater plan to steal the Sun/Greater Will’s power via the Erdtree

Tree would likely have already been extant at this point, but I don’t know if it would have happened before, during, or after Marika’s ascension to godhood. We can say with reasonable confidence that she was doling out sap blessings prior to cutting away the Land of Shadow (the big collection bowl being the most direct sign)

**

Observation: Marika’s choice of exile for Maliketh

I don’t think that’s where the GEQ was located when she was defeated. I think his exile was a combination of practicality (“outside of time” is about as sealed away as you can possibly get) with some small measure of kindness. Maybe. As close as Marika at the height of her power would have. As one of the beastmen, Farum Azula would have been Maliketh’s home. Whether or not he took any comfort in being stuck in the perpetually-crumbling ruins of the city that was once his own, I couldn’t tell you.

**

Immediate Retraction: Was Maliketh actually exiled, or was he hiding?

Off the cuff on this one.
  • Marika has a big spear of destined death through her body, indicating that she was attacked by either Maliketh or the GEQ
  • Malieketh, like Blaidd, was assigned to an Empyrean by the Fingers to ensure compliance.
  • Marika going rogue and breaking the Ring would be more than sufficient reason for the Fingers to give Maliketh a kill order. (Note: I think this would also apply to attempting to kill Metyr, or removing the Rune of Death from the Ring. Or attempting to devour the sun.)
  • Maliketh was clearly not able to finish the job, since Marika-Radagon is still alive when we find them.

Putting it all together: I think that Maliketh had enough loyalty to Marika to prevent him from killing her. Gearing punishment from the Fingers/Will, he bolted from the scene and hid himself somewhere that his half-mad self still recognized as safe (his old home of Farum Azula)

No, I do not know how the outside of time thing works for this, nor do I have any meaningful insight into the nature of Marika’s betrayal or what Maliketh is referring to when he asks non-present Marika why she “relinquished” something.

**

Theory: Destined Death causes petrification

Building on the above, Marika’s body is basically entirely stonelike when we meet her, and she has a big ol’ red spear sticking out of her. Destined Death deals damage over time, its lesser deathblight form grows long pointy objects out of you, put together I’m feeling more confident in the previous theory. Given the extent of the damage, it’s certainly been a while since it happened, but who knows how long that would be.

Hold on… if this is true and Maliketh is the one who delivered the wound, it would mean that Maliketh had Destined Death already in his possession: the GEQ would already have been defeated and the Golden Order already established. That would cross out “Erdtree eating the sun” as a trigger, leaving us with attempted killing of Metyr or breaking the Ring (unless eating the sun and assassinating Metyr were happening simultaneously, which makes a whole lot of sense. If you’re trying to take out the Boss Man, you have to also take out the second in command before they can organize a counter)

If it was the GEQ who delivered the wound, that would necessitate that she and Marika were different people (at least at this stage), she had the Rune of Death in her possession, and Maliketh was acting to protect Marika. That would align more with Marika betraying him; he saves her life, and then she uses him as a disposable vessel for Destined Death.

Wait, wouldn’t removing the Rune of Death necessitate Marika having godhood (and thus possession of and control over the Ring)?

I’m at an impasse: there are two versions I can reconstruct, both of which seem equally likely but incompatible due to the ramifications.

Right at this moment, I am leaning towards
  1. GEQ = Marika prior to removal of the Rune of Death; an Empyrean selected by the Fingers as the next candidate for godhood.
  2. GEQ goes off-script and attempts to coup the Fingers by trying to assassinate Metyr and using the Erdtree to eat the sun.
  3. Maliketh is activated; he wounds but does not kill GEQ
  4. Option A) Maliketh does not have Destined Death at this time
  5. Option B) Marika splitting off from the GEQ and removing the Rune of Death happens simultaneously with all of this. Like we’re talking a difference of minutes. Potentially even Maliketh straight up taking it out of her hands in a blind rage and stabbing her with it
    • Actually that’s a banger of an image, I’m keeping that.
  6. Marika betrays Maliketh’s loyalty / mercy by foisting the newly-separated Rune of Death onto him and exiling him to the ass-end of nowhere.

I do not know where the Gate of Divinity comes into play in this theory. I am presuming it would happen shortly or even immediately before, but there is nothing nada jack shit on the GEQ, godskins, or Maliketh in the DLC so who the fuck knows. I will use explicitly bad archaeological methodology and say that the absence of direct evidence can be filled with whatever I god damn feel like.

**

Headcanon: Godfrey’s Caelid campaign

I like the idea of Caelid being a patchwork of minor states that was never conquered by a single party. A new castle and a new warlord on every new hill. Technically they were loyal to Leyndell but Godfrey was probably running cleanup operations against rebellious lords for years afterwards. Definitely feels like a place where empires go to bleed out and die. A reading not really supported in the text, but it feels appropriate.

**


Observation: The Flame Gradient

I have once again only recently observed something potentially significant: The different kinds of fire have colors that can be arranged on a gradient, which I have listed here as primary-secondary color.

  • Frenzied Flame - Bright yellow-orange
  • Giant’s Flame - Bright red-orange
  • Black Flame - Bright black-white
  • Messmer’s Flame - Deep red-crimson
  • Ghostflame - Washed-out light-dark
The outlier is St. Trina’s flame, which is a pale purple; off the top of the dome I think it’s Ghostflame that’s been imbued with Trina’s toxin / nectar, I don't know how it counts here.
 
The question now becomes "what order do these go in, and what does that say about the relationship?"
 
Frenzied Flame is the most destructive, Ghostflame the least. All of them sans maybe Ghostflame are treated as an existential risk by the Order. Black Flame might be a combination of Giant's Flame or Ghost Flame with Destined Death. Ghostflame is cold, and is said to burn death. Messmer's sigil looks like the Flame of Frenzy contained by the methods of the Giants. Let's not forget Magma, Bloodflame, or Thorn sorceries (the first looks closer to Giant's flame, the latter to Messmer's.
 
If we're going alchemically, the ordering of the magnum opus is black > white > gold > red.
 
Will muse on this further.
 
**
 

Theory: The GEQ had her Grace rescinded

It’s all in the name, isn’t it? she’s the Gloam-Eyed Queen, not the Night-Eyed Queen. Gloam is twilight, when there’s no direct sunlight but it’s not fully dark yet. That sounds like an appropriate epithet for someone who had the Grace of the Greater Will taken away from them - the light is gone from her eyes, but not fully.

It’s unclear how much control the Fingers / Will have on who gets or loses grace. It’s always “Grace of Gold” or “grace of the Erdtree”, digging through the text doc I have reveals nothing as direct as “given Grace by the Two Fingers”. We know that they’re able to call the Tarnished back to the Lands, but that could just be re-activating or taking advantage of something that was once there: like having Grace and then losing it still leaves a backdoor. The GW abandons the demigods, but it doesn’t seem to strip them of Grace when it does so. On the other hand, Marika is wheeling and dealing Grace like a professional grifter, so it’s a safe bet to say that it’s something the bearer of the Elden Ring can just do.

Which would indicate that GEQ is a separate person and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

All right. Let’s reverse course and say that she was a separate person, and that she had Grace stripped from her by Marika. This would mean that:
  1. She wasn’t originally called the Gloam-Eyed Queen (backed up, perhaps, by 1.00 calling her the Queen in Black.)
  2.  Marika didn’t kill her when she presumably had the chance.
**

Observation: Marika & Radagon are blind

Considering that the shamans all seem to be blindfolded (and the Nox, for that matter), and their likely inspiration in an order of all-female blind mediums (check Zayf's video for details), I see no reason to believe that either of them could actually see.
 
You know who else was blind (at least in 1.00)? And who got their eyes removed (in both)? Shabriri.
 
Hyetta's blind, but she can see glimpses of the Flame of Frenzy all the same, just like like Shabriri.
 
Considering what I've said already about the sun, I think the Frenzied Flame and Greater Will might be less different than anyone might be letting on. Indeed, they might be the same thing. The sun is a miasma of incandescent plasma (a gigantic nuclear furnace), but it is also the prime mover of all the interconnected systems of life on earth. Chaos and order.
 
Also worth nothing that the Briar Witches supposedly see the Blood Star in their blindness. Another facet from Frenzy, perhaps.
 
**

Theory: The Beast Eye = GEQ's eye (and probably Marika's)

It’s a stone eye with a purple aura, and the color alone would be enough for GEQ affiliation - the fact that Maliketh gives it to you it's described as “claw-marked” are a bonus. If Destined Death = petrification that’s yet another point in favor.
 
When we finally meet Marika, she's missing an eye and a large chunk of her head. And petrified. Almost as if someone violently gouged out her eye and attacked her with a weapon that can petrify people.
 
A problem emerges if we consider the scar- and sore-seal, though not an insurmountable one. Common belief is that these are Radagon / Marika's eyes, which were placed on their eyes by the Fingers / Greater will and removed for reasons. I don't know how much I believe that, no matter how appealing the core idea is, because why would the Fingers / Will use Marika / Radagon's runes? Not to mention that Messmer's sealed eye is clearly Marika's Rune, right there.
 
So with our two lonely lines of lore for the four items.
 
Scarseal: These seals represent the lifelong duty of those chosen by the gods.
 
Soreseal: Solemn duty weighs upon the one beholden; not unlike a gnawing curse from which there is no deliverance.

The vaguely defined gods in this place are probably Marika / Radagon, and the recipients of these seals are...probably not important. Randos who have been spared immediate execution and given a duty to fulfill. More useful is just the establishment that this is a thing Marika does regularly.

That the soreseals are yellow and oozing and only slightly less decayed than a Shabriri Grape is worth noting.
 
**
 

Theory: Serpent as agent of Law of Regression

Rykard / the Serpent are all about joining together into a singular whole – this is pinging strong on the Law of Regression sensor. Myth of the Serpent as world-devourer would indicate a cosmological role along the same lines, or at least a belief in said role. Perhaps something of a one-snake cosmic clean-up crew. The interacting systems of the world have become too unwieldy, they’ve fossilized, they’ve started breaking down: here comes the serpent to clean house and restart the process.

Specifically, though, what if its function is to roll in, kill the gods who have overstayed their welcome, and then prime the stage for a new cycle? It’s in line with Rykard’s devour the gods (togethaaaaaaaaah) thing. Rykard’s the one speaking, but the words might very well be the Serpent’s.
 
What if it offered the same deal to Marika? Join with me and we can devour the gods together and take their power. We’ve got a tree, we’ve got a Serpent, we’ve got offerings of divinity: that’s Eden, baby.

 Rykard feeds self to snake to facilitate devouring of the gods and starting a new lineage (since we know that the Serpent permits for a form of reproduction outside Erdtree rebirth (Or outside of what came before Erdtree rebirth, since we know that hasn't been around forever). And if Marika = GEQ, that's where we get the godskin nobles assimilating "inhuman physiology, not unlike the Crucible".

Nobles have a snake tail crucible-aspect, Apostles are stretchy longbois, it's like poetry it rhymes etc.
 
Also: Serpent shows up as part of the decoration Giants’ Forge and lives in a volcano. Both of these are places where things are known to (s)melt together into cohesive uniform masses.


**

Observation: A very important piece of cut dialog for Kale


[800054000] Ah, you, is it...
[800054010] Did you see? What they did to my ancestors?
[800054020] The whole clan, buried alive. Sick. Maddened. Husks of themselves.
[800054030] Have you heard their moans? They're hardly human anymore.
[800054040] They think we worship the Three Fingers? That we called the maddening sickness down upon them?
[800054050] Well. If that's what they expect from us, then that's what they shall get from us!
[800054060] The world of grace and its people should have been content to see us sink between the cracks.

Grain of salt for cut content, but this pretty firmly indicates:
  • A) The Nomads did not worship the 3 Fingers 
  • B) The Order believed the Nomads were responsible for the 3 Fingers’ subversion by Frenzy 
  • C) That the Order believed it was worship of the 3 Fingers that brought the Frenzy (?????)
A & B are more support for my old theory back in Post 1 that that at some point the Three Fingers weren’t associated with the Flame of Frenzy at all. C is wholly speculative and is based entirely on syntax of cut dialogue.
 
This leads me to a secondary, and potentially larger point.
 
**

Theory: Shabriri's greatest crime isn't what we think

While lots of people claim that the genocide of the Nomads was brought around by Shabriri’s slander of them, I honestly don’t know if that would actually qualify him for the position of “most reviled man in all history” (per Howl of Shabriri); he’s repellent to us the audience because we have a better view of the big picture - we know that the Nomads were innocent - but the rest of Kale’s dialogue indicates that the Nomads were already held in generally low regard by the Golden Order. If the the Nomads were toting around a divergent set of Fingers and taking their messages directly (rather than relying on the Order-approved Finger-Readers for interpretation), it probably didn’t take much convincing for the Order to get behind a pogrom; even if Shabriri is the one responsible for starting the killing, the Golden Order would probably consider him a hero who uncovered a dangerous heresy in the nick of time.

A religious minority is accused of practicing heretical rites that pose both a material and spiritual threat to the established religious / political status quo; this should be extremely fucking familiar, because it’s the god-damn Satanic Panic. Pick an out-group, make an accusation, destroy people’s lives and suffer no consequences even when the accusation is proven to be false.

Remember, the Golden Order is an authoritarian theocracy: using spurious accusations to justify atrocities against religious and cultural minorities is practically the national sport.

And, importantly, Shabriri gets us a double (technically triple) instance of the “it is said” weasel-words:

Shabriri’s Woe: "It is said that the man, named Shabriri, had his eyes gouged out as punishment for the crime of slander, and, with time, the blight of the flame of frenzy came to dwell in the empty sockets."

Howl of Shabriri: "It is said that the sickness of the flame of frenzy began with Shabriri, the most reviled man in all history."

Shabriri’s Woe 1.00:
“The man, named Shabriri, was born without pupils. Known to be a great lover of the grape, a sickness in the form of a red colored chaos was said to have come to dwell beneath his eyes. Eventually, his pupil-less eyeballs were crushed by other men, and he was driven to the gloomy southern peninsula.”

The only actual contradiction here is timing. In 1.00 he made contact with the Flame of Frenzy before having his eyes removed, and in main game he made contact afterwards.

So then: who was he slandering, to justify the removal of his eyes and hounding him to the dismal fringe of the empire? Was it even actually slander? Did frenzy-sickness actually begin with him, or is it merely a folk belief since Midra was written out of reality? And what did he do to make him the "most reviled man in all history?
 
Slander against a mistrusted religious minority wouldn't even qualify as slander, so I can only presume that he had slandered Marika / the Erdtree, the Golden Order. And, since those three interconnected things are the axis mundi of a brutally violent authoritarian theocracy run by a living god with a skin so thin she would rather rewrite reality than look even slightly not in total control of everything at all times, I'm going to make the bold claim that Shabriri was spitting straight facts.
 
Accusing your critics of slander is right there in the petty tyrant DARVO manual, after all. 

My thinking is that Shabriri was able to see the truth. Maybe it was because he was blind - we do love a blind prophet. He was able to see through the sham. I couldn't tell you what exactly he saw, (though it might be the same thing that Gideon saw), but I presume it had to do with Marika's dirty laundry and how the system is entirely broken and rotten to the core. That part's a work in progress.
 
But a bit of quote-unquote slander isn't enough to become "the most reviled man in all history." Not even Marika is that sensitive to criticism. But I think I know what would qualify - considering, of course, that history is written by the Golden Order.
 
Burning the Erdtree.
 
Because what's the one sane man to do? What's the one man who realizes that the ordering of the world is irrevocably broken? That the Erdtree ate the sun? That the balancing force of Destined Death was removed from reality? If there was anyone else, maybe they could have joined forces. Maybe there could have been a resistance. Marika's martial prowess is not as great as she lets on, a significant enough revolt might actually work.
 
But Shabriri is alone. They took his eyes, and yet he's the only one who can see; they call him a madman and a drunkard for it, but they say it because they're all blind.
 
Except Melina. Perhaps. A fragment of Marika split off so the god-empress could sequester a part of herself far away, where it could no longer trouble and humiliate her. A contingency plan in her plotting to free herself from the influence of the Fingers. The vessel of what she used to be: the Gloam-Eyed Queen in Black, godslayer. The hatchet-man who comes around when the powers-that-be have overstayed their welcome.

(Yes, I admit that this theory touches on "Marika was in on the plan all along!" , which I generally don't like. Needs more workshopping.)

So there's a conspiracy to burn the Tree, to set things right. They succeed at the burning but not the repairing. Maybe fixing things was never on the table. Souls games have never been ones where the restorationist fantasy wins the day.

The Tree is burned, but remains intact. Melina is dead in body. Perhaps Messmer was a player here as well, and this was the straw that sent him on the Crusade.
 
Wouldn't that just be perfect justification? Blame the burning on a mad prophet and hornsent saboteurs. Make a show of the traitorous son, too brow-beaten to protest his innocence. Make a show of magnanimity by letting him lead the crusade as penance. Send him off with legions of prisoners, highwaymen, brigands and raiders. Shower them with Grace so they might destroy those wretched hornsent who burned the Erdtree.
 
And then close the door to the Shadow Lands behind him, wipe it all from reality, and rewrite history. Now there is only this perfect, eternal, golden tree growing out of an old stump, and there always has been.