1d10 Horrible Hives

This was going to be a post about Hot Springs Island, but the group only got about an hour in before I was struck by a terrible allergic reaction to store-bought General Tso's sauce. My face got all swollen up and boiled-lobster red.

My true form, revealed!

I think it's one of the preservatives in there, since the only other foods that trigger hives are Kraft macaroni and cheese and Oreo pop-tarts. The General Tso's at every Chinese place I have ever gone to has no effect. I have no idea what is up with this.

So instead of writing a session report (very little happened, and we rescheduled), have a random table fueled by the misery of last night.

1d10 Horrible Cases of the Hives

1. You are filled with thousands upon thousands of ants, each the size of a sand grain and burning hot. They are perfectly fine where they are and don't want to leave.
2. A glowing red spot of unbearable itchiness migrates from point to point across your body, with no sensible pattern. Scratching at it will root it to the spot for a moment, but increase the itchiness tenfold. It will shine brighter and brighter as it is scratched. If scratched too much, a burning, lidless eye will open there.
3. Your face has inflated, removing your ability to speak. Your eyes turn red, and you are able to see the blood pulsing in others' veins. The only sound is the thump of your own heart in your ears.
4. Each hive is the size of a silver piece, and bulbous. They expand and contract with your breath, quivering with wordless menace.
5. The hives are blackened and cracked, and spit out wisps of necrotic miasmas. If scratched, they flake away like charcoal under your fingernails.
6. Your sweat has the stink of bile, and your hands move on their own, seeking to tear at your skin unbidden by your mind.
7. You seep honey from your scratches, and under the puckered skin you catch glimpses of the combs.
8. Your hives rise and then separate from your body, buzzing about in a cloud before dispersing into the still and stagnant air.
9. Hives harden into brilliant red pebbles. The itching fades, but in its place there are only the smooth, cool stones embedded in the skin.
10. God-damn goblins and their god-damn itching powder!

YOUR SPORTS TEAM IS VASTLY INFERIOR

Wizardball

The official rules of wizardball, as collected and tabulated by the Fantasy Wizardball Association, have been successfully used as an implement of murder. The version containing the appendix of variant rules has a spine so thick it cannot actually be opened without mechanical or magical aid. Multi-volume collections have been known to grow unruly enough to devour the reader.

Thankfully, the wizardball community ignores all of this and embraces the maddening chaos that is the magical world's greatest sport. There is no understanding the incomprehensible layers of in-jokes and strategies from the outside; there is only the knowing of the initiated.

Wizardball gets into your blood. The roar of the crowd, the pounding of the drums, the colors of the jerseys, the ozone tang of octarine mists and the smells of lemon ice and sausages inna bun. Wizardball is life itself.

For the uninitiated, there are four simple guidelines that give structure wizardball.

• The point of the game is to get the ball, by whatever means necessary, into the enemy's goal. Scores may go up until a time limit has been reached, or down until a team's pool of points has been exhausted.
• The two teams are arrayed as one would set up a chess board: 8 pawns, 2 rooks, 2 knights, 2 bishops, a king and a queen.
• Each position can be filled from a pool of variant classes. Each class is equipped with ta specific loadout of appropriate spells and equipment, and is beholden to a series of limitations.
• Cheating is permitted, so long as it does not extend past the boundaries of the pitch and the cheater can manage to either outwit or overpower the referee.

Beyond this, well, the rules are made up and the points don't matter. The Purist Variant Ruling dictates that wizardball only has one rule, being that a rule cannot be repeated twice, but this variant is not considered league-legal.

1d20 School Mascots

1. Ol' Rusty the rust monster
2. Manny the Maniac Manticore
3. The Green Gorgon
4. Bullette Biter
5. The Big Hungry Mimic
6. The Tin Men
7. Ozzie Ooze
8. The Deep Ones
9. Skeleton Dan
10. Mopey the Catelopas
11. Sidney Salamander
12. The Hellhound Named Spot
13. Bumf the Flumph
14. The Great Griffin
15. The Brawling Blemmeyes
16. The Tartary Lambs
17. Brother Wulfhelm, the Drunken Monk
18. Mabel the Mermaid
19. D. T., Princess of the Red Planet
20. Terry the Tarasque

1d20 Other Wizarding Sports 

Sport names courtesy of +Skerples

1. Rugger	Teams are scrambled on the quarter
2. Soccer	Can only be played while blackout drunk
3. Blagger	Asymmetrical field
4. Blugger	Traditionally played nude
5. Crumpet	Synchronized musical accompaniment
6. Cornet	Uses sticks and shields
7. Horseshoe	Average match lasts nine hours
8. Bannet	One team replaced by demons
9. Lurp Ball	Players cannot touch the ground
10. Flems-fight	The arena is flooded and filled with trout
11. Tennis	Players launched out of cannons
12. Ballmight	Must sacrifice losing team to the SUPERB OWL during playoffs.
13. Renfield	A live tiger released during second half
14. Nibblet	Indistinguishable from actual warfare
15. Zork	Played only in complete darkness
16. Mango	Played with 30 balls on the pitch
17. Gibbet	Goals move autonomously
18. Follow-the-Pony	One continuous game that has run for 187 years
19. Estivan Tony	Adaptable playing field
20. Flibbertygibbet	Oh gods, everything is on fire

1d20 Wizarding Colleges

David Wyatt

Wizards have degrees. This is the way of things. You can't be a proper wizard without a diploma. It's respectable. If you don't have a degree from a respectable school, why, you're no better than a witch!

The kicker is that there's no such thing as a respectable wizards' college.

1. Twin boarding schools for the children of the rich and powerful. Male and female campuses on opposite sides of the street. Anti-canoodling rules prove only vaguely enforceable in the face of the student body's vast creativity.
2. A flooded library buried deep undergound. Mushroom men maintain the records, though they are slow readers and often grow all over the books you need to get for class.
3. A shipwreck inside a whale's stomach, haunted by the ever-tormented souls of the sailors that now serve as the faculty.
4. Two aged sphinxes playing chess in a public park, discussing the mysteries of the universe. They will occasionally bring in someone from the circle of listeners to act as referee.
5. An ancient mountaintop tower, carved from a primordial stone spear pinning a demon lord to said mountain. Has an excellent football program.
6. A labyrinthine history department, severed from its parent school decades ago by a planar mishap. The inhabitants are descendants of the faculty and students, and have maintained the collegiate structure as a way of maintaining societal order.
7. A fortress in the middle of the desert built on top of a gigantic dungeon, which occasionally provides a student, rather than just eating them.
8. A haphazard cluster of bright-painted buildings on stilts in the center of a freshwater lake, sponsored by the Court of Lampreys. Tuition is free, but sometimes the administration needs a few favors. To help with the paperwork, you see.
9. A grungy inner-city community center, taught by a well-meaning but thoroughly overwhelmed and unprepared noblewoman.
10. A friendly traveling theater troupe with a curriculum of comedic-educational operettas. The tenor is remarkably good with the patter songs, though he does bear a striking resemblance to a wanted murderer.
11. An isolated complex devoted to the various thaumartial arts. The admissions department requires prospective students to impress the director with a show of athletic skill.
12. An opulent school practically a city unto itself. The dean is a dragon. The financial aid office is run by demons. The textbooks are sold by a vampire-owned publishing company. Many of the students are missing an arm or a leg. On the bright side, there's a diamond the size of a cow somewhere in the business office.
13. Greasy back room of a spicy fried cockatrice shop. Totally legitimate. Definitely, totally legitimate. Please ignore the misspellings and smell of narcotics.
14. You've had no learning besides the school of hard knocks (read: an old dwarf with a sturdy stick who took you on as apprentice.)
15. A crumbling gothic castle, filled with all manner of ghostly maidens in diaphanous states of undress, the tormented spirits of diabolic monks, and the occasional humanities professor with a sheet over their head.
16. Moon U, being the moon's first and currently only wizarding college. Started in a secretive bunker, has expanded into a full spaceport. It's an open secret that the New Gods are involved (all hail).
17. A tower of sapphire rising up over the moors. Classical, respected, traditional...and everyone there is a woman wearing a fake beard and socks down her trousers. They don't have to anymore, but it's traditional by this point.
18. An ordinary college town with a C-list school that is well-regarded in the region but one of the perpetually small fish of the academic world.
19. The place hasn't been dusted in five years, the syllabus hasn't been updated in fifty, and the youngest faculty member is 87. They still talk about the glory days.
20. Focuses entirely upon the study of a hypothetical parallel world where magic, and thus wizards, do not exist.

Class: Bard

Bruno Cesar

University wizards love going on about the music of the spheres. Endless papers written about the eternal harmony of celestial bodies, vibrations of the astral plane, the choir invisible, blah blah blah.

Needless to say, that's not really how it all works.

School: Bard

Perk: You can earn [reaction roll] silver pieces through busking per day while in town.

Drawback: You make a lot of noise and your hands are generally occupied with an instrument.

Cantrips

1: You may make a piercing whistle, and may choose to make it inaudible to humans.

2: You may infect someone with an ear-worm of up to 30 seconds in length, lasting for 1d8 hours and recurring 1d6 hours later on a failed save.

3: You may transmit basic messages and commands through your instrument.

Spell List:

Bardic uses a few unique mechanics:

• All spells have the same range, being that of hearing distance.
• Spell dice, while rolled and burnt as normal, do no directly empower spells: instead, each spell die invoked represents an active effect for the current song.
• Active effects cannot be doubled.
• Spells will cease to have effect when the caster is interrupted (damaged, pushed over, silenced, etc)

Song of Healing
Allies gain 1d6 HP.

Song of Resistance
Allies gain +1 to saves.

Song of Scaresome Might
Enemies take -1 to morale.

Song of Battle 
Allies gain +1 to hit.

Song of Inspiration
Enemies take -1 to hit.

Song of Courage
Allies gain resistance to fear.

Song of Spells
Enemies must pass save vs magic to cast a successful spell.

Song of Luck
Allies will make a successful critical strike on 19-20.

Song of the Fleetfoot
Allies may move an additional space on their turn.

Song of Discord
Enemies must save vs magic or be deafened.

Song of Softness
Enemies deal -1 damage

Song of Striking
Allies gain + 1 damage.

theCHAMBA

 

I Would Like a More Different, More Traditional Spell List:

Put your favorite playlist on shuffle and keep going until you get twelve song titles you like. Make those into spells. If you are lazy, supplement from the list below:

1. Synchronicity II
2. Blind Guardian
3. Till My Head Falls Off
4. Busted and Blue
5. Leave My Body
6. The Drugs
7. Bloody Stream
8. Garage Palace
9. Last Living Souls
10. If We Were Vampires
11. The Opened Way
12. The Invading Tyrant
13. Champagne Supernova
14. Reaper Man
15. 666 Kill Chop Deluxe
16. Dragons in the Mud
17. Snake Soul
18. First In Last Out
19. Hymn to Nikkal No. 6
20. Blood and Thunder
    

Instruments

1. Guitar
2. Banjo
3. Fiddle
4. Bouzouki 
5. Sitar
6. Drum
7. Hurdy-gurdy
8. Pan pipes
9. Bagpipes
10. Bamboo flute
11. Harmonica
12. Tin whistle
13. Ocarina
14. Lyre
15. Polyphonic chant
16. Accordion
17. Bells
18. Upright bass
19. Brass horn
20. Spoons

Mishaps

1. The song is lost, spend 1d6 turns getting it going again.
2. Song ends abruptly, all dice invoked burn out.
3. All allies deafened for 1d6 turns.
4. Current song is reduced to 1 random effect.
5. Take 1d6 damage.
6. Spell dice return only on 1-2 for 24 hours.

Dooms

1. The muse has left, your music is mundane and mediocre for 24 hours.
2. As above, for 3 days.
3. Your music has left you forever.

This doom can be avoided by putting on your blue suede shoes and touching down in the land of the delta blues, in the middle of the pouring rain. Alternatively, bet your soul against a devil's golden fiddle and win.

Class: Magelander

krzyma

Magic bursts forth from the earth here, raw and vibrant. The grass is greener, the sky is bluer, the air is fresher. There are no wizards here - why would you need to study magic if there is mana in every breath, every meal, every cell, heavy and sweet as honey? You are free - from academic rigor, from social obligation, from human bindings. Free as the magic in and above the earth. The fools packed behind the grey walls of Mund, what do they know? Nothing of life, for certain.

School: Magelander

Perk: Impressive hat or hood that obscures the face. Bright red / blue / gold robes that cannot be dirtied.

Drawback: Start with 1 mutation.

Cantrips:

1: You may conceal your mutations beneath your robes, and make dramatic reveals of them.

2: Can throw voice within 20' or speak with a polyphonic voice.

3: Colors within 5' may be changed or brightened at will.

Spell List:

There is no set spell list for magelanders. Instead, whenever you learn a new spell or spells, roll for  magic words from the list or lists of your choice and choose two words for each spell. Assemble them as you wish. 

Secret Shark
R: Touch T: Door or container D: [sum] rounds
When the target is opened, the spell summons an adult great white shark of 3+[dice] HD, that will thrash around and attempt to bite (1d8 damage) all nearby beings until it dies in [sum] rounds.

Confuse Corpse
R: 20' T: Undead creature of [dice] HD x2 or less D: 10 minutes
The target becomes immensely confused, as if aware for the first time of its state. This is characterized by the creature starring at its hands, staring out into space, staring up into the heavens, and silently mouthing simple phrases of existential questioning. It will pay no attention to any creatures during the duration of this spell.

Heart Light
R: Touch T: Recently removed heart  D: [sum] hours
The heart gives off light equivalent to a standard oil lamp. It will float steadily within 5' of the caster, and gives off a calm, appropriate beat. Additional effects can occur depending on [sum].

• If the heart is lit for more than 6 hours, it will begin to whisper secrets about the party. There is a 1/3 chance these are lies.
• If the heart is lit for more than 10 hours, random encounters will be triggered on 1-2.
• If the heart is lit for more than 14 hours, all corpses within its light have a 50% chance of re-animation
• If the heart is lit for more than 18 hours, it will gain one charge of fire spray (15' cone, 3d6 damage)

Animating Laugh
R: 30' T: Creatures in range D: 1 minute
Caster lets out a hearty laugh that imbues those that hear it with vigor and energy. [sum] points are split among those who listen to add to their rolls: points that go unused by the end of the time limit are not saved. 

Hold Tongue
R: 30' T: Creature D: [sum] turns
The target is muted. If 4 [dice] are invoked, the caster may pull the target's tongue out and do with it what they will before it is returned to the target's mouth.

Detect Storm
R: 20 miles T: Area D: 0
Caster is capable of determining any inclement weather developing within the scanning area. If 2 or more [dice] are invoked, the severity and length will be accurately determined.

Fear Deer
R: 40' line T: Area D: 0
Summons a spectral deer of nightmarish appearance. All beings who gaze upon it must make a save vs. fear at -[dice]. The blind, and those who know to cover their eyes, will not be affected. 

Steel Wall
R: 5' T: Ground D: 0
Creates a steel wall [dice]x2 ft in length and up to 10' in height. The wall has 30 HP and can be broken through with bludgeoning or fire damage.

Machine Gate
R: Touch T: Surface D: 5 minutes
Opens up a doorway into the Inner Sanctum of Click-Cog

Reveal Thought
R: 20' T: Creature D: 0
Reveals the thoughts of the target, which float in the air as glowing glyphs. [dice] number of thoughts can be transcribed, with a total of [sum] words split among all of them.

Tiger Cabal
R: N/A T: N/A D: 0
Summons three representatives of the Hidden Council of Stripes, sitting at table and partaking of their conference meal. The caster may ask favors of them, including but not limited to:

• Deal [sum]+[dice] damage, as magic missile
• [dice] pieces of pertinent information.
• Change the weather for [sum] hours.
  
• Providing [dice] x2 rations worth of raw meat.
• Revealing secret doors
  

Casting this spell requires the sacrifice of [sum] / 2 HP. It it is cast more than once per day, it will instead summon an angry tiger.

Morph Bones
R: Touch T: Bone D: 0
The caster may shape [dice] bones into any simple shape of equivalent mass.Weapons, armor, and tools can be crafted, given sufficient material.

Yonghui Jia

Mishaps

1. Take 1d6 damage, roll for a mutation.
2. Deafened for 1d6 turns, roll for a mutation
3. Blinded for 1d6 turns, roll for a mutation
4. Explodes, reforms in 1d6 hours, roll for a mutation
5. Transforms into whirlwind of fire for 1d6 turns, roll for a mutation.
6. Roll for two mutations
   

Dooms

1. You become dull and grey for a full day. Your spell dice are cut in half and you can only cast random orthodox spells.
2. You become dull and grey for three days. You are reduced to one spell die and may only cast random orthodox spells.
3. You are permanently bleak and lifeless. You are reduced to one spell die, and may only know a total of three orthodox spells, at random.
   

These dooms can be avoided by eating fruit of the Hidden Tree, or by casting oneself into the Maelstrom of the Lobster-God.

Return to the Distant Lands of Diy

Click for full size

Hail Flailsnail!

We return to the Distant Lands of Diy, now significantly bigger. And hand-drawn! As before, I've smashed together as many modules, supplements, adventures and dungeons as I could into a single map. With only a few exceptions, these are all ones I either own, want to own, or are free anyway (free ones will be marked with an *, if anyone seeing this is new in these here parts.)

Cities and Regions

• Vornheim (Vornheim, Zak S)
• Krevborna (Krevborna, Jack Shear)
• Carcosa (Carcosa, Geoffery McKinney)
• The Immortal Capital (Kidnap the Archpriest, Skerples)
• Thule (Kidnap the Archpriest, Skerples)
• Scarabae (multiple posts, Jack Shear)*
• Karlstadt (Better than Any Man, James Raggi IV)*
• The Hills (Chromatic Soup vol 2, Evlyn Moreau et. al)*
• Biting Marshes (Chromatic Soup vol 1, Evlyn Moreau et. al)*
• Corpathium ("In Corpathium", Logan Knight)*
• Marlinko (Fever Dreaming Marlinko, Chris Kutalik)
• Slumbering Ursine Dunes (Slumbering Ursine Dunes, Chris Kutalik)
• Dunnsmouth (Scenic Dunnsmouth, Zzarchov Kowolski)
• Caversdale (No Salvation for Witches, Rafael Chandler)
• The Misty Isle (Misty Isles of the Eld, Chris Kutalik)
• Elatior (Maze of the Blue Medusa, Zak S.)
• Leuke (Bad Myrmidon, Rafael Chandler)
• Isle of the Unknown (Isle of the Unknown, Geoffery McKinney)
• Hot Springs Island (Hot Springs Island, Jacob Hurst)
• The Skyfortress (Broodmother Skyfortress, Jeff Rients)
• The Great Discape (multiple posts, Dan D.)*
• Quelong (Quelong, Kenneth Hite)
• Yoon-Suin (Yoon-Suin, David McGrogan)
• Denethix (Anomalous Subsurface Environment, Patrick Wetmore)
• The Wicked City (multiple posts, Joseph Manola)*
• Xor (multiple posts, Konsumterra)*
• The Shoulders of Giants (On the Shoulders of Giants, Chance Phillips)
• Perdition (Perdition, Courtney Campbell)
• QuVrst (Fire on the Velvet Horizon, Scrap Princess and Patrick Stuart)
• Jukai City (Fire on the Velvet Horizon, Scrap Princess and Patrick Stuart)
• Hubris (Hubris, Mike Evans)
• Meatlandia (The Chaos Gods come to Meatlandia, Ahimsa Kerp and Wind Lothimer)
• Kwantoom (Mad Monks of Kwantoom, Kabuki Kaiser)
• Gathox (Gathox Vertical Slum, David Lewis Johnson)
• Lethlygon ("Purple Lightning People", Arnold Kemp)*
• Strange Stars (Strange Stars, Trey Causey)
• A Red and Pleasant Land (A Red and Pleasant Land, Zak S.)
• The World Between (Grotesque and Dungeonesque vol 1-III, Jack Shear)
• The Veins of the Earth (Veins of the Earth, Scrap Princess and Patrick Stuart)
• The Ghoul Market (Vacant Ritual Assembly 1, Clint Krause)
• Goblintown (multiple posts, Arnold Kemp)*

Points of Interest

1. Blood in the Chocolate (Kiel Chenier)
2. Sleeping Place of the Feathered Swine (Logan Knight)
3. Death Frost Doom (Zak S and James Raggi IV)
4. Deep Carbon Observatory (Scrap Princess and Patrick Stuart)
5. Palace of the Silver Princess DIY (All and sundry)*
6. Ruinous Palace of the Metegorgos (Evey Lockhart)
7. Doom-Cave of the Crystal-Headed Children (James Raggi IV)*
8. Vile Vengeance of the Bees (Buzzclaw)*
9. Monolith from Beyond Time and Space (James Raggi IV)
10. Find-and-Replace Dungeon (Zak S)*
11. Stygian Garden of Abelia Pem (Clint Krause)
12. Tower of the Stargazer (James Raggi IV)
13. Atheneum of Yearning (Oswald)*
14. Tomb of the Serpent Kings (Skerples)*
15. Halls Untoward (Michael Prescott et al)*
16. Anomalous Subsurface Environment (Patrick Wetmore)
17. Comes the Mountain (Gus L)*
18. Gelatinous Dome (Jeff Call)*
19. The Inverse Tower (Michael Raston)*
20. Hounds of Low Tide (Kiel Chenier, Michael Prescott)*
21. Under the Waterless Sea (Zzarchov Kowolski)

Character Options 

We're not done yet! FLAILSNAILS protocols are in effect and all compatible classes are welcome (see here for a list), and to those I like to add:

• Darkest Dungeon character builds (lotfp666) 
• Lamentations homebrew classes (lotfp666)
• The ATWC Book of B/X Classes (Joseph Manola)
• Guild Dogs (Michael Raston)

All the Lights in the Sky are Wizards

Fun and helpful fact: if you ever need a good name for a wizard, use the proper name of a real-world star. All that Arabic / Greek / Latin / occasional Chinese really comes in handy for something impressive and ancient sounding.

But since the Wikipdia article doesn't have numbers or fun wizard traits, I added those.

366 Wizards

 

Acamar	Actually an awakened fetus.
Achernar	Trepanned.
Achird	Only eats white rice.
Acrab	Oversees massive pornography library.
Acrux	A gigantic ferret, no one questions it.
Acubens	Sleeps on a bed of roses.
Adhafera	Coelacanth hat.
Adhara	Wears two hats.
Adhil	Wears three hats.
Ain	Wears nothing but hats.
Ainalrami	Basilisk-hide slippers.
Aladfar	Collects statues of muscular women.
Alamak	Has been sleepwalking for the last 40 years.
Alathfar	Aging heavy metal fan.
Albaldah	Beloved pet: giant salamander.
Albali	Skilled impressionist painter.
Albireo	Convincing dementia act.
Alchiba	Successfully became own grandpa.
Alcor	Lives inside giant geode.
Alcyone	Really good at crochet.
Aldebaran	Has NOTHING to do with that demon attack.
Alderamin	Owns alchemical micro-brewery.
Aldhanab	Competitive sturgeon-breeder.
Aldhibah	Far too into taxidermy for this skill level.
Aldulfin	Unhealthy obsession with watermelons.
Alfirk	Best damn barbecue in the world.
Algedi	Child of a miner and a whore; proud of it.
Algenib	Has kept silver spoon in mouth since birth.
Algieba	Freakishly punctual, expects others to be so.
Algol	Three-foot-long fingernails.
Algorab	Has wooden eyes.
Alhena	Enthusiastic jogger.
Alioth	Cobwebs in eyebrows.
Aljanah	Loves the ocean, cannot swim.
Alkaid	Never removes iron-shod gloves.
Al Kalb al Rai	Way too many bird feeders.
Alkalurops	Mysterious number tattooed on forehead.
Alkaphrah	Wears clothes three sizes too big.
Alkarab	Everything is yellow.
Alkes	Secretly a woman.
Al Kurud	Secretly a man.
Almaaz	Eats gunpowder for breakfast.
Almach	Excessive sunflower seed consumption.
Al Minliar al Asad	Loves the smell of industrial smog.
Alnair	Often found at curry stands late at night.
Alnasl	Hair just gets everywhere, it’s gross.
Alnilam	Seeking to destroy the Influence Machine.
Alnitak	Doesn’t actually have anything better to do.
Alniyat	Lost their wallet.
Alphard	Breeds square cows and rectangular sheep
Alphecca	Spies on all their friends’ business.
Alpheratz	Immense, hairy ears.
Alrakis	Has rather silly ideas about anthropology.
Alrescha	Can never find matching socks.
Alsafi	Impossibly intricate filing system.
Alsciaukat	Only has one joke in their book.
Alsephina	Obsessive collector of a collectible card game.
Alshain	Definitely not a body snatcher.
Alshat	Firm believer in snake oil.
Altair	Keeps trying to get spelling reform going.
Altais	Hawaiian shirts; every day, year round.
Altarf	Runs a troupe of dancing skeletons.
Alterf	False teeth made out of ivory dominos.
Aludra	Misspelled tattoo.
Alula Australis	Blue hair, no explanation.
Alula Borealis	Nitpicks plot holes in operas.
Alya	Perpetually mourning unknown party.
Alzirr	Rings made of moon rocks.
Ancha	Choir of mounted, singing fish.
Angetenar	Super-picky about aesthetics.
Ankaa	Always sucking on a corn cob.
Anser	Believes the government is run by lizardpeople.
Antares	Perennial cubist.
Arcturus	Bathes in yogurt.
Arkab Posterior	Cannot stand the color blue.
Arkab Prior	Lives on a creepy backwoods farm.
Arneb	Fossil enthusiast.
Ascella	Followed by an infestation of centipedes.
Asellus Australis	Lived in a cave for five years.
Asellus Borealis	Has no compunction about public shame.
Asellus Primus	All-organic magic only, no gluten.
Asellus Secundus	Turban the size of a large dog.
Asellus Thertius	Scholar of antiquities.
Asmidiske	Malapropic neologisms.
Aspidiske	Ran ghost tours a few years back.
Asterope	Has not slept in four years.
Athebyne	Paragon of prep.
Atik	God of goth.
Atlas	Becomes dizzy easily.
Atria	Lives in the vents.
Avior	Haunted by a giant cockroach.
Azelfafage	Makes narwhal cheese.
Azha	Writes elaborate historical fanfiction.
Barnard's Star	Has a witch’s nipple.
Baten Kaitos	Prematurely old.
Beemim	Insurance fraudster.
Beid	Doesn’t look very wizardly.
Bellatrix	Constantly popping mysterious pills.
Betelgeuse	Picks compulsively at cuticles.
Bharani	Snake cultist.
Biham	Secret cookie dough stash.
Botein	Bound feet.
Brachium	Artificially shaped skull
Canopus	Anti-undead apocalypse prepper
Capella	Ex-vizier to a dark lord.
Caph	Chain-smoker.
Castor	Dry, flaky skin.
Castula	Prominent incisors.
Cebalrai	Loads of piercings.
Celaeno	Smells like eggs.
Cervantes	Mushrooms for hair.
Chalawan	Chews betel leaf.
Chamukuy	Naked mole rat exhibit in living room.
Chara	Volunteer fireman.
Chertan	Cares about century-old football stats.
Copernicus	Absolute maniac of a drummer.
Cor Caroli	Terrifying yodel.
Cujam	Classical oboist.
Cursa	Has a stuffed alligator in study/
Dabih	Forked tongue.
Dalim	Tiger-stripe tattoos.
Deneb	Snail jouster.
Deneb Algedi	Former priest.
Denebola	Extremely cold hands.
Diadem	Saffron venture capitalist.
Diphda	Stigmata, origins unclear and obfuscated.
Dschubba	Moss-green fingers from reagent stains.
Dubhe	Role-plays a crazy old hermit in a swamp.
Dziban	Impossibly bad dating luck.
Edasich	Has gone through seven spouses.
Electra	Entirely too many belts and pockets.
Elnath	Permanently runny nose.
Eltanin	Has a prize-winning pet pug.
Enif	Puts mayonnaise on everything.
Errai	Writes letters home to mother constantly.
Fafnir	Never brushes teeth.
Fang	Has never had hair cut.
Fum al Samakah	Paints faces on rocks and keeps them as friends.
Fomalhaut	Persistent case of bouncy leg.
Fulu	Navigates via “port” and “starboard” on land.
Furud	Just went out for some cigarettes...
Fuyue	Proselytizes for Wizcoin.
Gacrux	Snorts when laughing.
Garnet Star	Creepy yellow teeth.
Giausar	Fractals on clothes, all brightly colored.
Gienah	Smells distressingly like roast turkey.
Ginan	Cheerful phrenologist.
Gomeisa	Loves clocks, can’t read them.
Graffias	Has never eaten a vegetable.
Grumium	Carries father’s organs in canopic jars.
Hadar	A cowboy.
Haedus	A pirate.
Hamal	Recently started a new diet.
Hassaleh	Plays a fiddle won from a crossroads stranger.
Hatysa	Aesthetically-pleasing facial scar.
Helvetios	Lives in a garbage dump.
Heze	Wears an owl mask.
Homam	Parkour enthusiast, but only for watching.
Iklil	Entirely too many pineapples.
Intercrus	Slick 3-D glasses, just because.
Izar	Cuff-links and crown made of bismuth
Jabbah	Keeps rifle above mantelpiece.
Jishui	Pink hair.
Kaffaljidhma	Constantly windswept hair.
Kang	Luxurious mustache.
Kaus Australis	Home-made ice-cream, all the time.
Kaus Borealis	Checkers fiend.
Kaus Media	Having paramour trouble.
Keid	Hirsute to the extreme.
Khambalia	Elephantiasis in the left leg.
Kitalpha	Pet tapeworm.
Kochab	Still wears a hat from the revolution.
Kornephoros	Was down the river, won’t tell what was seen.
Kraz	Still sleeps with security owlbear.
Kuma	Lives atop a termite mound.
Kurhah	Actually a tulpa.
La Superba	Afraid of the number 11.
Larawag	Actually a homunculus
Lesath	From the future (lie).
Libertas	From the future (truth).
Lich	Chocolatier.
Lilii Borea	Baby-faced.
Maasym	Lucha mask.
Mahasim	Eyepatch.
Maia	Teepee hat.
Marfark	Self-mummified.
Marfik	Beekeeper.
Markab	Heart on the wrong side.
Markeb	Extra finger on each hand.
Marsic	Tongue-louse.
Matar	Cigar-chomper.
Mebsuta	Pretending to be dead for tax reasons.
Megrez	Papaya tree growing out of hat.
Meissa	Demon-leather jacket.
Mekbuda	Amateur paleontologist.
Meleph	Lazy eye.
Menkalinan	Ratty clothes.
Menkar	Badger-stripe hair.
Menkent	Built like a brick shithouse.
Menkib	Terrible handwriting.
Merak	Leaves ink stains everywhere.
Merga	Trade guildsman.
Meridiana	Nose ring.
Merope	Shoes with bells on.
Mesarthim	Brags about killing a windmill.
Miaplacidus	Platypus mascot costume.
Mimosa	Smoked some dank shit in college.
Minchir	Macrophile.
Minelauva	Loves house geckos.
Mintaka	Catastrophic acne.
Mira	Scraggly-ass beard.
Mirach	Peacock-feather cape.
Miram	Throat-singer.
Mirfak	Available for birthday parties.
Mirzam	Part of a barbershop quartet.
Misam	Not actually a vampire.
Mizar	Carves runs in everything.
Mothallah	Compulsive hair plucker/
Muliphein	Trains a flea circus.
Muphrid	Dead parrot on shoulder.
Muscida	Heirloom sword, doesn’t know how to use.
Musica	Wears rings on every finger.
Naos	Dull and crooked halo.
Nashira	Underbite.
Navi	Birds nest in hair.
Nekkar	Incredibly spooky without trying.
Nembus	Braided beard, down to ankles.
Nihal	Used to be an undertaker.
Nunki	Wears a carpet over their shoulders.
Nusakan	Insists on proper fork placement.
Ogma	Occasionally vomits eggs.
Peacock	Ludicrous feathered boa.
Phact	Causes statues to start crying.
Phecda	Loves a good fry-up.
Pherkad	Wears plaids and stripes together.
Pipirima	Claims to be a god is disguise.
Pleione	Bushy ear hair.
Polaris	Has tinnitus.
Polaris Australis	Carries around a mystery box, never opened.
Polis	Carries around a jar of pickled eels.
Pollux	Had tower stolen by bears.
Porrima	Escaped from horrible abusive mother.
Praecipua	Misplaced the keys to their tower.
Prima Hyadum	Keeps hearing rats in the walls.
Procyon	Definitely not a spy from a rival nation, nope.
Propus	Luxurious lion-like mane.
Proxima Centauri	Recent, disastrous political run.
Ran	Unbeatable fighting spirit.
Rana	Good personal hygiene.
Rasalas	Synesthesia.
Rasalgethi	Heavy perspirator.
Rasalhague	Mountain climber.
Rastaban	Twitchy eye.
Regor	Overwhelming smell of pumpkin spice.
Regulus	Still has milk teeth.
Revati	Peg leg.
Rigel	Alien abductee.
Rigil Kentaurus	Does “crystal healing” for the gullible.
Rotanev	Acts like billionaire playboy, not even close.
Ruchbah	Extended earlobes.
Rukbat	Lengthened neck.
Sabik	Smells vaguely of salt.
Saclateni	Crocodile tears.
Sadachbia	Trained teeth-cleaner bird.
Sadalbari	Heterochromia, blue / brown.
Sadalmelik	Wears shorts in winter.
Sadalsuud	Loves rainy days.
Sadr	Wears pants on head.
Saiph	Working on a novel.
Salm	Reptilian being in a skinsuit.
Sargas	Oversized ears.
Sarin	Recent immigrant.
Sarir	Terrible miser.
Sceptrum	Has a long-term pen-pal.
Scheat	Bathysphere operator.
Schedar	Whale watcher.
Secunda Hyadum	Trade connections in Leng.
Segin	Growing a snail shell.
Seginus	Did 20 years in the oubliette.
Sham	Red eyes.
Shaula	Still uses slide rule.
Sheliak	Chimera aficionado, goes to all the cons.
Sheratan	Silk slippers with iron toes.
Sirius	Vegan.
Situla	Disconcerting taste for blood.
Skat	Owns and plays a pipe organ.
Spica	Has two shadows.
Sualocin	Writes restaurant review column.
Subra	Always has a flask of moonshine.
Suhail	Definitely saw bigfoot.
Sulafat	Taste for candied scorpion snacks.
Syrma	Theological reformer.
Tabit	Super-repressed puritan.
Taiyangshou	Looks exactly like a notable personage.
Taiyi	Park ranger.
Talitha	Aviator sunglasses, even at night.
Tania Australis	Kaleidoscope eyes.
Tania Borealis	Fresh pine scent.
Tarazed	New face paint every day.
Taygeta	Fancy top hat.
Tegmine	Embarrassing birthmark.
Tejat	Nose bitten off by giant rat.
Terebellum	Astronautic enthusiast.
Thabit	Unappreciated artist (and that’s a shame)
Theemin	Unappreciated artist (for good reason)
Thuban	Survival-situation cannibal.
Tiaki	Cheshire grin.
Tianguan	Former schoolteacher.
Tianyi	Walrus mustache.
Titawin	Prominent nosehair.
Tonatiuh	Hoards leftover food.
Torcular	Hermaphrodite.
Tureis	Consorts with unsavory folk.
Unukalhai	Pasta snob.
Unurgunite	Not the sharpest bulb in the crayon drawer.
Vega	Wrestled a crocodile once.
Veritate	Orange sherbet hair.
Vindemiatrix	Snaggleteeth.
Wasat	Villainous goatee.
Wazn	In real need of a nap.
Wezen	Caffeine addict.
Wurren	Can’t eat dairy.
Xamidimura	Escaped a cult.
Xuange	Does a mean Punch and Judy.
Yed Posterior	Hopeless bureaucrat.
Yed Prior	Hates crystals.
Yildun	Loves crystals.
Zaniah	Always has to knock on doors.
Zaurak	Coonskin hat.
Zavijava	Invisible hat.
Zhang	Inverse hat.
Zibal	Deals in counterfeit artifacts.
Zosma	Is not actually a medical doctor.
Zubenelgenubi	Played sportsball in college.
Zubenelhakrabi	Always keeps their right hand covered.
Zubeneschamali	Smells of petrichor.