Thursday, August 17, 2017

Four Knightly Orders


Artist unknown

Order of the Sable Maid

Banner: Argent, a rose sable thorny wreath sable
Oath:
  • To protect the weak
  • To comfort the suffering
  • To liberate the oppressed and resist the tyrant
  • To live in simplicity and humility
Disposition: Gentle, quiet, dependable, diplomatic
Motto: “We Follow Where She Leads”

The first followers of the Sable Maid of Orlei were no knights. They knew nothing of the sword or its wielding, but took to its learning in service of the Maid and the people she loved. It was not until after her death and the end of that horrible war that the order was formed proper. Amateur hands were by then tempered by wisdom and experience, and ready for the teaching of students.

Today the order's military and monastic branches are widespread. Common born-women are traditionally the backbone of the order: men who join the order will act as auxiliaries or aides to the knights or join a monastic community, and the noble-born must forfeit any inheritance upon taking the oath. They swear no allegiance to any lord or temporal authority. The commoners adore them.

"Forever Burning Heart" by apteris

Order of the Knights Coronal

Banner: Carbones, a sun tenné-or in his splendor, eight swords tenné-or rayed
Oath:
  • To strike down the enemies of the Undying Sun
  • To wage ceaseless war against death
  • To end the dominion of night
  • To burn out all evil from the world
Disposition: Zealous, noble, unyielding, haughty
Motto: “Until The Endless Dawn”

To become a Knight Coronal, one journey to their hidden monastery at the desert’s edge. One must eat a fallen sunspark and sacrifice the mortality of their body for the service of undeath. They walk in the courts of kings and dukes, ever-seeking darkness to destroy and unstoppable in their devotion to war. They wage their war on solitary fronts; for all their hatred of the night, they can rarely stand the existence of an equal. A Knight Coronal must be exemplar among all.

The people fear them. They spit upon the gods of man and worship only a distant SUN and will raise pogroms against those found evil in their sight. The forces of the night cower from their shining march and their blades of flame, this is true, but it is a fearsome sight.

Pretty sure this is from the FFG Star Wars RPG


Order of the Ascendant Heart

Banner: Gules, a chief sable a man rampant crowned or
Oath:
  • To each, ownership of their flesh
  • To each, a most beautiful prison of their eternal gnosis
  • To each, a breaking of the shackles upon their soul
  • To each, a rejection of the corruption of nature
Disposition: Driven, audacious, impractical, visionary
Motto: “Mastered Soul, Conquered Flesh”

The gods are but cells of the Demiurge: the Ascendant Heart ignores their pleas and schemes. Divinity is internal, trapped in the body. The corrupted world cannot be shed, not yet, but the slave can become the master of his prison.

To this end, the order has studied the arcane arts extensively, focusing on the school of fleshcrafting. Their attention is turned inwards, to the delicate shifts of nerve and gene and chemical receptor. Deformities of the outer shell are nothing: what is more corruption? Beauty is not matter, and their universities grow in renown each passing year.

Concept art for the Skywind mod


Order of the Ashpath

Banner: Tattered brunâtre, a wheel argent
Oath:
  • Hold no home, no lands, no lord
  • Words are to be few; do not pollute upon silence
  • Carry with you and protect the relics of vanished Radh
  • Be carried upon the wind as dust
Disposition: Dry, introverted, self-sufficient, unapproachable
Motto: “Sing Always Of Radh”

The Order of the Ashpath outlived their lords, their home, and their gods. With Radh buried under the ash of mount Vesun, the homeless knights of that city scattered to the winds. They have no purpose now, save the keeping of their memories. Even those are fading now. In due time, the Knights Ashpath will die out, and the songs of Radh will cease.

They are skilled in navigating the wilderness and the bowels of the earth. Ruins and wild places are their domain. Though they speak little they are keen with languages. They have little love for gold but much for art, which they will treat with great care and then destroy.

Addendum

This post was written to meet a challenge made by Connor W. of Fists of Cinder and Stone, as follows: “I want you to write a post about the last book you read. I don't want a review of the book, but rather take some (large or small) tid bit from it and write a relevant to gaming thing.”

I am currently reading Mark Twain’s Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc, (having previously finished King’s The Gunslinger) and I have learned a very important lesson from reading it.

Don’t base your paladins on Joan of Arc. That had been my initial approach to this post, which led me nowhere and generated nothing but consternation. She might potentially be the worst example of a real-life player character to exist. She is nowhere near greedy enough, and would not be seen tramping through a dungeon in search of monsters to kill and treasure to steal. Boozing and whoring are right out.

Addendum 2

People not citing their art sources so that I might in turn cite those sources continues to be exasperating. 

Thursday, August 10, 2017

d20 Wierd World Locations

From Wayne Douglas Barlowe's Expedition


  1. Swordlands – Wide savannahs with metallic blade-plants poking up above the grass. The blades curve in the same direction, as if bending in the wind. Acacia trees with metallic thorns.
  2. Firelands – Blackened, brackish swampland. The water is oily and slick, casting rainbows in the light. Wildfires are common and will-o-wisps endemic. Safe enough when it freezes into a slush in winter, but just as miserable.
  3. Blackstone – Wide stretches of barren volcanic rock, carved into strange shapes by wind and water.
  4. Wormings – Hot, humid jungles where the parasitic worm is king. Their hives draw war-lines over the red flowers that flourish there and nourish them.
  5. Rustmarsh – Ocher marshes where the water eats through metal quickly. Many of the native species process this rust and waste into their own bodies.
  6. Ossuary Plains – Stiff, ivory grasses rattle in the breeze between ribcage copses and vertebral hills. Skulls fill the soil, working their way up to the surface.
  7. Angelorum – Temperate forests and plains, home to angels, which emerge from bony tabernacle-cocoons and sing to the sun and wind.
  8. Amber Forest – Ancient trees in autumnal colors. Their bulbous trunks store and release vast quantities of amber, trapping kiloyears worth of life.
  9. Cloud Forest – Temperate rainforests of red-wood trees, moss, and mist.
  10. Sponge Domes – Pale blue domes of living sponge dot the landscape of lightly forested hills.
  11. Bluelands – Deep blue amoeboids cover the ground and nest in white-barked trees. Exceptionally fertile soil - everything grows fast and vast.
  12. Migrating Islands – These gigantic creatures grow miniature ecosystems on their backs as they eat their way across the lush, wet, lowlands.
  13. Carpet Heath – Poor-quality soil with little large vegetation. Rival flower species have cut the hills up into a patchwork of color, as if a quilt. Each patch is its own ecology, perpetually competing with the others for territory.
  14. Frost Jungle – Thick forests of grey-leaved trees, rimed with ice. Pockets might be found below the snowline.
  15. Coral Hills – Tawny, soft grasses surround ridges of terrestrial coral.
  16. Anvil Mesas – Flat-topped blocks of iron rising up from a layered desert of multicolored clay. Their cliff-faces are pockmarked with caves and roosts.
  17. Tesla Desert – Breathless pockets of below-sea blast-furnace where the humidity is unbearable but the rain never breaks and the air never stirs. Gigantic metallic trees attract and feed on lightning. 
  18. Scablands – Red, scabrous badlands carved out with river channels. Mostly dry, but will flood in the spring.
  19. Paradox Ice – A form of polymorphed water that melts only at very high temperatures. Possesses a notable bluish tint, which grows deeper the further one digs beyond the crust – core samples might be entirely blue. Home to a native ecology that cannot survive outside of the ice sheet. Paradox Ice is not safe to ingest, and will swiftly cause death by means of freezing from the inside out.
  20. Windmill Hills – Between three and five membranous vanes catch the wind on these great treelike creatures.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Satchel Buck’s Lonely Souls Club

Source unknown


A great red-and-purple striped tent appears outside of town. Paper cranes fly through the streets, perch on the eaves of churches, peck at breadcrumbs in the town squares – unfolded, they are advertisements printed out on overwrought stationary a century and a half out of style, promising “A meanes of Connection betweene single Persons of alle Strypes, forre reasonabul Prices.”

Satchel Buck’s Lonely Souls Club is in town, come on down and see the band.

Satchel Buck is a male human in his 40s – swarthy, portly, and always wearing garishly bright motley (The colors change daily). He will react positively to any sort of interest in the Club and will very enthusiastically explain his business to anyone present – willingness to listen is optional. He’ll sell the benefits of the Club for all its worth. He’ll have to be told twice to let it go.

His wife is named Othan, a bluish-pink creature reminiscent of a gigantic sea slug, with an eight-lobed eye and a mane of feathery antenna. She keeps the books, takes care of the oxen, and maintains the spells that run the club. If she’s out of the wagon (she tends towards long afternoon naps, but is usually up later in the evening), she’ll be willing to converse with party members who seem to be having a good time. If Satchel is present, he’ll provide all sorts of sickeningly sweet anecdotes of how they met and so on

The interior of the Club is a dark, cozy space filled with several dozen round tables, each with two chairs. The outer wall is lined with other doors, each with a number above it, through which other patrons will enter or exit. Satchel will make note that, while it is possible to go through other doors, it may become very difficult to return, and so he does not advise it except as a major life choice. Keep a good hold on your ticket and remember your number.

Patrons of the club are encouraged to move from table to table, listen to the band, and partake in the buffet. A single session in the Club lasts for one hour (long enough for four good introductions) and costs 15 gold, though an extension can always be purchased from Satchel or Othan. Any other questions can be answered by the servers on the floor.

The especially brave can have a wedding right then and there, officiated by an automaton cleric-cabinet. The automaton is frightening and not to be trusted, but comes with interchangeable rites of marriage appropriate to most major religions. It costs 50 gold for a basic marriage package. A lawyer of the Selachii School is on staff for divorce as needed, but he tends to charge an arm and a leg. He will provide a bonesaw free of charge, if you find yourself in need of it.

Behind the Curtain

Satchel is deep in debt and will be found in the wagon with his kneecaps shattered three days after the Club arrives in town. Othan will be missing, Satchel will insist everything is okay (despite his injuries) and the Club will depart the next day.

The next time the party encounters the Club (1d4 major settlements later), Othan will be running the Club and Satchel will be gone. She will remain tight-lipped on the subject, to the point of having the party escorted out of the club if they persist.

Satchel owes money to:
  1. Dungbeetle Billy and his Curious Cabal
  2. The Lynching Tree, hungry for gold around its roots.
  3. The Green Cutter Gang
  4. Anessa, his ex-wife.
  5. A painting of a crippled man
  6. Mammon, duke of Hell.

Try Your Luck and See Where Your Heart Leads You!

Simply tell Satchel who you're looking for and he'll set you right up! You may take the 'Somewhat Adventurous Option" to sub out one of their four meetings with a denizen of table 3. For a little something extra, run these tables alongside the Easy Family TreesDon't forget those reaction rolls!

I’m Looking for Men... (d66)

11. Homely turnip farmer
12. Librarian wizard
13. Androzon stage actor
14. Nightmare painter
15. Sports warrior
16. Nightsoil priest of Cloacina
21. Terminally ill Romantic poet
22. An aged golem-sculptor
23. A shell-shocked veteran of the War
24. Necromancer’s gardener
25. Oolian runaway
26. Cartography guildsman
31. Three goblins in an overcoat
32. Unscrupulous industrialist
33. Vulture priest
34. Byronian swordsman
35. Coffee-brewer, enterprising entrepreneur
36. Misshapen gunslinger
41. Pillar-saint of Irem
42. Self-taught plantain mage
43. Jaded haruspex
44. A lonely bureaucrat of Hell
45. Friendly nudist who needs a workout
46. Guardsman for rent
51. Jellybean counter
52. Pearl diver, gave up his noble title
53. Despairing time-slave
54. Skunk-ape-man
55. Sailor of the Midnight Sky
56. Tosher of the Merde Grande
61. One of the thousand emperors of Hispir
62. Hidebound, incompetent honor-warrior
63. Wizarding student expelled for summoning a succubus on campus
64. Eclipse-reader, writing a book of Sun-Lore
65. Bulette-rider postman
66. Silk pirate looking to settle down

I’m Looking for Ladies... (d66)

11. Demonologist and natural philosopher, cheery and determined.
12. Plays the jazz trumpet, is and has a cool cat
13. Amazonian warrior, home from the War
14. Maple dryad in need of a change
15. Emancipated homunculus
16. Professional catfisher, tells whoppers
21. Chiurgeon with an iron stomach
22. Constantly wears boneplate and chitin armor
23. Farmgirl with a sword and a dream
24. Bhedunin priestess released from her family obligations
25. Landsquid hunter, a native of the Outback
26. Up-and-coming witch
31. An Autumn Knight. Peaceful, melancholic.
32. Wandering Color-Maker
33. Crab-rider nun, looking for adventure
34. Another PC’s younger sister
35. The Garbage Queen, down and out
36. Rottweiler cynocephalus, over-affectionate
41. Mermaid in a fishtank golem
42. Shamaness of the Ammonite
43. Gun-Saint of An-Hehm
44. Pyromancer of the Obsidian Islands
45. An anglerwife out for a new husband
46. Elderly book merchant
51. Keeper of demon-bees, seller of hell-honey
52. A Sin-Eater, friendly and forgiving
53. Insufferable magical princess
54. Cryptosaurian infiltrator in a skinsuit.
55. Arch-Penitent: crime unknown, sentence most severe
56. Gonzo investigative reporter with a finely tuned, Detect Bullshit aura
61. Iron-eyed oathbreaker from the North. A woman of few words.
62. Simpleminded noodle chef. Has the magic touch.
63. Stockbroker with no volume control.
64. A foxy lady. Absolute tease, watch the tail.
65. A Black Amazon death-raider, follower of Orca
66. Proxy body of a Solar Sailfin.

I’m (d6)…
  1. Looking for ways to mess with my smartass players
  2. Looking for very particular options.
  3. Not picky at all.
  4. A smartass player
  5. A horrible deviant with no shame whatsoever

11. A skeleton in a dinner suit, accompanied by three black cats.
12. An indistinct humanoid form frozen in a block of ice, communicates through shimmering letters on the surface.
13. A modestibus. Hopelessly clingy and terribly repressed.
14. A terrible obsidian idol, hungry for blood.
15. MURDER-CUBE, eternal enemy of DEATH-BALL
16. A dice-god, bored and looking for a game.
21. A gigantic, all-devouring and incredibly evil spider attempting and failing to act sexy
22. A Parasaurolophus
23. Amalgamation of a thousand alternate universe versions of a street sweeper
24. DEATH-BALL, eternal enemy of MURDER CUBE
25. A county-sized colonial fungus, wishes to become a real country
26. A large iron hook, hanging from a rope that trails up into infinity. There is a bowl set around it containing a rack of barbecue ribs, with corn cobs, coleslaw, and a bottle of beer. A hand-painted sign reads “FRI FUD 2 HUNGRI PEEPLE.”
31. The Gloaming Beast. Looks fearsome, is actually quite gentle.
32. Astral parasite, wants a new head to live in.
33. Three tons of sapient lasagna
34. A rampallious Fustilarian
35. An enthusiastic mimic who always gets something wrong
36. Great Big CrunchyMunch, King of Breakfast Cereals
41. Owlbear in a schoolgirl outfit
42. A figure in a dark cloak, with oversized, sweaty hands. Quite nervous.
43. Philosophical Zombie (1. Pythagorean 2. Confucian 3. Thomist 4. Marxist)
44. Animated cast-iron gimp suit
45. Man-sized Faberge cocoon, about to hatch
46. Medic-beetle. Enjoys sewing things back together. Maybe a bit too much.
51. Infectiously positive yellow monopod, constantly hopping about
52. A hairy biped with a head like a fiery wagon wheel. Well versed in esoteric meditation.
53. Vat containing a talkative Chili Platonic.
54. Laconic black hole farmer from the end of the universe
55. Curious entity that communicates entirely through tea leaves.
56. The Burning Monolith. Look upon it and despair, mortal.
61. A chalkboard filled with living mathematics
62. Death, who has had a few too many drinks
63. A human head, inside a chicken, inside a turkey, inside a pig, all cooked and piping hot
64. A knobbly orange crab inside a geode that screams obscenities at the sun
65. A very, very, very large kidney stone. Looks vaguely like a moai head.

"Size Matters" by James Zapata

And for those of you who would like this in PDF form: click here.